Why some Black women only date White Men
We always talk about Black women and how they can’t date White men. Well, there are those black women that only date White men. I remember a pal of mine telling me once that she will never get married to Black man. And even as kids, when playing make believe, she was always married to a White guy.
The reason for women like her who only date white men may be very similar to the reasons why most Black women only date Black men … attraction. Some also feel that Black men treat them better than any other man ever could, and they feel that they'd rather have what they know instead of experimenting with what they don’t know.
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Some Black women are just not physically attracted to Black men. And as much as parents usually like hooking us up with people of our own race, well it reaches a time when you have to be honest with yourself. Imagine my pal for example: As a child, her first crush was Adam Sandler, then as she got older, she fell in love with Mel Gibson. This doesn’t mean that Black men aren’t handsome – they are just not her type.
Some also feel that White men (not ALL but many) find black women to be remarkable in every sense of the word; hence Black women tend to gravitate towards those affections. Much as her husband treats her better than any man ever had, one lady admits that she has been with some White men that disgusted her with their behaviors. But she says that generally, older White men and very mature on a broader level than with Black men on many levels.
Some are just wildly turned on by the differences … skin color, hair, being raised in different cultures, music, foods … the list is endless. Its all about the desire for the mysterious and unknown. And for some, its just pure love because there are those that forget that we are ‘black’ and ‘white’ and just coincidentally happened to fall in love with a White guys.
One thing we all have to remember is that not every White man is a Black woman’s dream. It all depends on the individual … good and bad comes in all colors.
With that said, the generic phrase - ‘It should be about love and not color’ – is cute. But in this case, not entirely truthful. Its not only about love. Much as love gets cultivated eventually, there is physical attraction and a declaration to date only one race. Racist or preference?
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1841 responses to "Why some Black women only date White Men"
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dcnot says:Posted: 11 Sep 08
ChocPrncess my comments were logical.i said ppl that say they only date such and such had to start off somewhere and tht would more than likely b a fetish tht grew n2 a programmed attraction.What is hard 2 comprehend about there being attractive ppl n every race plz tell me.My comment was plain and simple u have attractive ppl n every race so 4 u 2 say u dont date such n such is a fuckin copout.Next your a straight man comment is so ignorant and am stupid try 2 b a smartass.Being gay or straight is not determined by the person but choosing who 1 dates is.Of course a straight man is gonna prefer women hence the term straight.There is nothing wrong with any1 dating a unattractive person my point was you have attractive ppl n every race u got ugly 1 etc u shoul b prefer attractive ppl.attraction is subjective neway so wht u may find ugly may b attractive 2 another.there r ppl who r universally attractive tho.If nething a 58 year old dating some1 there age is not a fetish.A 58 who seeks out 19 year olds would b tho.it would b a old/young fetish.my statements r logical, u saying tht bs ab ppl dont control who they r attracted 2 is pure bs.u cant compare a straight/gay person 2 a i only date/i date anyone personn the former there is no control n the latter there is.period
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Member says:Posted: 10 Sep 08
Well Here is an excerpt "Still today, many people continue to be uncomfortable about interracial relations. Oddly enough a survey was done in 2003 that polled nearly fifteen hundred Americans to see if they were more of less accepting depending on the races involved. Those that indicated that they were vehemently opposed to black/white marriages were more comfortable with Hispanic/White or Asian/White unions. The survey concluded that the largest correlation to attitudes against interracial relationships stemmed from the actual color of someone’s skin." Have a nice day
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tatted2death says:Posted: 10 Sep 08there is no controversy in being narrow-minded and trying to force your way of thinking down other's throats. Making generalisations is about one most common, basic things to do.....it is no "special"..... And just curious who is this "they" that conducted the poll?....I am interested in looking that one up....and seeing the actually percentages and all.
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Member says:Posted: 10 Sep 08
Well You did respond to me which is cool. I said interracial dating in my last commentary which included black men dating white women. Black women drove black men to date white women in my opinion. Just like White men make negative comments about white women to justify dating black women. I would go into that topic deeper but it would take to long. Actually most people do agree with my commentary. They did a poll of Americans and interracial dating was not favorable. As for my controversial comment about sellout black women hating being black. It is actually true, I have heard comments about I like "his white features". Some black women on this board will say derogatory things about black men and their features. Yet they wear contacts and perm their kinky hair just to get attention from white men. I stand by my comments. Learn to love yourself because I do.
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luvanurse says:Posted: 10 Sep 08Mr. Laurelton Queens I was not going to respond to you because everything you have said so far is just ignorant and hateful just like the Nazi DJTeele. I wonder if you call the brothers sellout who date out. I am sure you don't. You probably just have a special hatred in your heart for black women whether they date outside their race or not. No one cares about what you think, and just because I know seeing black women with white men bothers you. From here on out I hope that that's all you will see from now on. I will continue to date who I want to date regardless of what you or anyone else in the black community thinks or says. You should move on with your life or at least get one. COme up with some new material, because dating outside of your race does not mean a person hates who they are. I know I don't and I am sure most of the black women on here don't either.
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Member says:Posted: 10 Sep 08
It is amazing sellout black women are still trying to justify interracial dating. Just look in the mirror and ask yourself why you hate being black.
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tatted2death says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
wow....the people in this thread just get more and more enlightened and broad-minded everyday.......8^/
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Lelutin says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
No offense to anyone here and forgive me if I'm wrong, but the woman in the picture is not black. She clearly looks hispanic.
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luvanurse says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
DJ Teele you are a freakin Nazi. Go to Stormfront with the rest of the peanut brained losers. YOu skinhead nut job.
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dcnot says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
phatkiity tht is true but at the sametime the same could b said ab bw.tht is the reason it is fuckin pointless.also a lot of folks like 2 blame others butg dont never blame themselves 4 shit.if ur 35+ and r single the problem isnt just ur past partners most of it is on u.
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phatkitty says:Posted: 09 Sep 08Beautybeyondwords, i read your post after i posted mine. I agree totally, well said and well done.You touched on some of the points i was trying to make. Such as, the way some of these men drive blk wm to the mad house and dont know that it is partly their actions or lack thereof. Am not beating up on them, just stating the facts. stay true
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phatkitty says:Posted: 09 Sep 08
To tman's comment: you have a white friend who has lots of $$ and is turned on only by blk women, dude what is your point? I dont get it. So what, he's handsome, educated and loaded, dont we deserve the best anyone has to offer. You know some of you "men people" treat blk females as freaking mules. Have my kids, no committement, come visit me in jail, take care of my kids from other women, put up with baby-mama drama, let me drive your car, they wont hire me because i am blk attitude. let them (blk wm)go out and work, sometimes two jobs to support them. Buy me this, buy me that. When is enough, enough. If this seem like a tirade, then it is, so what. Frankly, i am fed up with the whole lot of you. When a blk wm wants the best out of life, and yes the best does come with some material things attach to it, she is considered a GOLD DIGGER? but let her settle for less and she only wants thugs/hood types. We cant win for losing. ps. no this did not happen to me or anyone i know, i just hear alot of complaints from women, blk ones especially.
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dcnot says:Posted: 08 Sep 08
its kinda like say u have a foot fetish(represents ur favorite race)u can either just like the foot fetish(w/e race) or u can still like sex overall(represents other races)but prefer the feet.i think ppl deserve 2 b happy but i dont believe interracial should b promoted it should just happen on its own.
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dcnot says:Posted: 08 Sep 08
prettybrowneyes u dont just wakeup 1 day and say i want a indian man or a i want a korean girlfriend it has 2 start somewhere.which is a fetish.ur fetish builds up from there 2 u just strictly wanting 2 date tht group.like i said ur brain works like a computer u feel it with wht u want 2 and u take it from there.
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doodlebug44 says:Posted: 08 Sep 08As a white man, I have always been attracted to black women not white women. For whatever reason, I find black woman I know are more sensous and open-minded than the white women I know. It is about the person, but also my attraction for black women. Scott
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ChocPrncess says:Posted: 08 Sep 08dcnot...your comments do not seem logical to me. Having a preference is a fetish? Saying that you can picture yourself with one type over another is wrong? Everyone should be open to attractive people? Hmmm... Then I suppose a straight man who says he prefers to date only women...has a fetish! The woman who is willing to date an unattractive man has something wrong with her? The 58 year old who refuses a date with a 19 year old and says they prefer someone their own age...has fetishes as well? LOL An unreasonable line of reasoning...as is yours. Just as people do no make a conscious choice to be straight...some of us did not start out making a conscious choice to be attracted to one 'type' over another...some things just evolve on their own...period.
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Tampa_Chris says:Posted: 08 Sep 08Just remind ya'll selves that by the time you click off this link and go about your day you're all still going to have your significant other or your "preferences", or whatever....just embrace the fact of the endless possibilities of an open mind. God tells us that love outlasts all things birthed in hatred. To quote a favorite movie of mine, A Bronx Tale, "All that matters is what's good for you... and how you feel about each other. Let me tell you something.When you're alone,late at night in bed...just you and her under the covers...that's all that matters. You got to do what your heart tells you to do."
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prettybrowneyes says:Posted: 08 Sep 08
no fetish here, ive liked whitemen even BEFORE i began dating. i have dated others, just prefer whitemen, no quetionable motive here. if you choose to look at it that way then that is your loss. i dont have to or will explain my preferences to anyone or make any apologies for it either. people need to enjoy what they prefer and makes them happy and not concearn themselves with the thoughts and opinions of others!
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dcnot says:Posted: 07 Sep 08
i meant 2 say cant picture.also i feel like ppl tht say they only date such and such had a fetish tht developed n2 a full on i just want them sort of attitude.u dont wake up 1 day and just say i want white cock or i want indian pussy u start off with a fetish and then it goes full blown n2 ur everyday mindset.
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dcnot says:Posted: 07 Sep 08
the prefernece is a fuckin copout.ur preference should b attractive ppl.i think ppl 4get ur brain works like a computer u can program it a certain way u can delete certain etc.the perfect ex: is a lot of ppl pass there lie detector test even tho there lying u kno y becuz they have convinced themselves tht the lie they were tellin is the truth.its the same way with fuckers tht say "i only date or i prefer" u programmed urslf like tht.the funny thing tht a lot of them say tht proves my point is they say stuff like "i can PICTURE myself with such and such" the key word is picture.if u open ur mind and try 2 picture urself with somebody u will b able 2 have a wider dating variety but if u schoose 2 "not picture" than u wont and ur fuckin ignorant.i cant stand ppl tht say they aint never dated there own race u kno how much volume tht speaks ab u.
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BeautyBeyondWords says:Posted: 06 Sep 08
Who cares, who likes what? Ignore those that are ignorant and embrace those that are enlighting. Stop the name calling. If a black man is jealous or someone is hating.... so what! They can't change anything AND everyone's opinion is just that. Peoples opinion doesn 't change or alter who I am. If I don't agree, then I don't agree. I don't call them names to prove a point.. and if so.. what point are you really proving? The discussion has been very interesting and I am one, who wants to keep it that way. All in Favor... Say I do! lol...lol...
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prettybrowneyes says:Posted: 06 Sep 08
opps! She is your girlfriend, guess she has some sense after all, I am sure she knows better than to become your wife. As far as my husband not be or maybe bill gates. I can definitely tell you this, he much more SOLVENT than your broke ass for sure.
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prettybrowneyes says:Posted: 06 Sep 08
Laurenton, or whatever your name is, You are way too stupid to be married to a lawyer; you are angry because you are not the blackwoman's option. And to boot, you think your shit don’t stink. Also, you are in no position to comment on one’s education. Get your act together and stay out of prison convict! peace
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prettybrowneyes says:Posted: 06 Sep 08
yes he is very jealous, he is angry because blackmen are not the blackwoman's only option. that is blackmen biggest problem: thinking their shit dont stink and that they are the blackwoman's only option.
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Terriann says:Posted: 06 Sep 08
Laurelton Queens is filled with jealousy and hatred for BW that prefer WM..he's been on several sites like this and rants and raves and resorts to namecalling and childish behavior. He's pathetic
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BeautyBeyondWords says:Posted: 06 Sep 08
Just another look at it, Tampa.... Thanks! Can we all just get along? lol...lol...
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Swtgurl190 says:Posted: 06 Sep 08
First off, thank you Mr_Agba for a different perspective from a black male and it was well put! Then next, you go ChocPrncess! I feel exactly the same way, it's just about preference. Why does everyone have to be lumped into one big pool together! No drama, some people just like what they like!
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ChocPrncess says:Posted: 06 Sep 08
since it is apropos I will repeat something I posted on comment... I have never been interested in dating black men...white men have always been my preference since I first discovered the opposite sex. We must remember that for some of us...there was no struggle...no disenchantment with men of our own 'ethnicity'...no drama of feeling left out because black men were wanting to talk to our white friends...heck...they can have them all because I never was interested in black men! No black man has ever 'dogged' me...because I've never dated one...I simply do not find them sexually attractive generally speaking. I prefer skin lighter than and features different from my own. Like an earlier poster my first 'crush' was white...it was 4th grade and he had dark brown hair, dimples when he smiled and the greenest eyes I've ever seen to this day...and I was hooked! LOL For some of us...perhaps a small few...this is just an innate preference...no drama...no trauma...but a preference...nothing more.
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Mr_Agba says:Posted: 05 Sep 08
I'm a 33 year-old black man and I think it's wonderful that black women have opened their eyes to a wider dating pool. Regardless of race you have to find the right person you! There is no reason for anyone to be alone when there are so many options (and races) out there.
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Tampa_Chris says:Posted: 05 Sep 08
I love the post BeautyBeyondWords. Very insightful
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BeautyBeyondWords says:Posted: 05 Sep 08
Wow.. I love black people. I love being black. I thank God for my smooth, dark chocolate skin. It's rich. It's creamy... It's all so steamy. lol... I love black men. Black men are full of charisma. I think men from other races lack that. Black men are the bomb! I have had some good black men. I've had intelligent conversations with them.. They have treated me like a queen... They have beautiful skin. They are very seductive. I've seen the good, the bad and the very ugly in all men. Black men have to stop making excuses why they make the choices they make, when it comes to their own lives. I am very aware of how society doesn't give them a fair chance a lot of times. Yet, no one is stopping you from reading and going to the library. I am a believer that if you take one step, God will take 2 for you. No weapon formed against you, shall prosper. Stop making excuses, why you can't be what God has called you to be. Failure is a frame of mind. God has called all men to lead. Black women can be a trip, too. I've been a mess earlier in my dating game. We look at all the wrong things sometime. We can fuss too much. We can run our mouths WAY too much. Yet, we love so hard. We stay so long... We endure so much. We need to begin to respect each other. Black men and women have lost so much respect for each other. We are losing our heritage. We are the main ones losing our cultures. My son plays football and it is heartbreaking to see how so many young black boys are fatherless and being raised by women. Black women are working all day and trying to keep up and maintain her family, inspite of absence of their father. I've seen black men not raise their own children and yet raise someone elses. Why? Why don't we love our own selves anymore? We used to have pride in our culture and our heritage. My theory is that slavery has instilled the worst in us. Check this out.... In slavery, black men were tore away from his family, because he was sold to other slavemasters. Then, he would go on that plantation and have to start another family, because chances are he would never see his first family ever again. Slaveowners also took the man away from the family to disarm the strength in that family. You take the man out... The family becomes weak. Which is why so many single family homes are jeapordizing our families, our culture... and most of all our communities. The lighter you were.. The better you was treated. Most of the lighter skinned slaves were products of the rape of black women. The slaveowner didn't really want his seed in the field, like the other ones. So, she was given responsibilities in the house. We are so messed up. It's time to get over the small stuff, because we are becoming extinct. Love is blind. I date white men. Color is not my issue, but I think we should first love ourselves. Some black women didn't have a father in the home to tell them they were a princess... or they were beautiful and to prepare for the harsh world of dating. So.. many black women learned through trial and error. Yet, many white women had that and are more confident sometime in their approach to any relationship. I thank God that I had my father in the home. Black men don't understand how important their presence is in the home. They just walk away...... Yes, black men have it hard. I've seen the injustice in the community. I've seen the underground racism that still exist in our society. I know black men that are in prison, simply because of the color God gave them. But the percentages that is not in jail or on drugs or gay are all making excuses why they can't stand up and be men in THEIR communities. If you like white women- I don't have a problem with that. But it's when you have dogged out a black woman and have taken her soul from her and then portray her like she is just some crazy woman and you are the one who drove her to that point. Then you get a white woman and treat her like the princess her father told her she was. Black men - you are wrong and God will pay. I always say... These white women can have all the black men. If they are not going to treat me right, then bye. You will leave the door open to someone who will.
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Member says:Posted: 03 Sep 08
Dear Pretty Brown eyes I think you watch to much Television. Many black men are successful. The only anger I see is from you. I just responded to your 70 percent statistic that is all I did. If black men are at the bottom of the heap, black women are also at the bottom. It seems like you have issues with black men even though you say you do not. You made mention that I should "sellout" like you. I am perfectly happy with my life the way it is. You dated outside your race because you were "unhappy". You mentioned I should seek therapy. I think you should seek an English class. Since you are married to a white man, I figure he is not "Bill Gates". Not judging from the way you write on this board. I guess he was fortunate to find you. Actually, my girlfriend is a Black Lawyer. Judging by the way, you write. Your husband did not marry for your education that is for sure. Good day
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prettybrowneyes says:Posted: 03 Sep 08
yes i know this ,but not at the rate that blackmen do, i can also tell yhou that its not 70% like it is in the black community.actually im married to a whiteman. in looking at the state of blackmen, you need to look to white and other men and see why the blackmen is where ie is. why is tit that the blackman is at the bottom of the heap? in looking at blackmen and their reputation, you should be the very last one to tell anyone about anything.tyhat 70% is from children that blackwomen had with BLACKMEN. you most likely have a whitewoman at home as most of you angry blackmen do.
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prettybrowneyes says:Posted: 03 Sep 08
Mr. Laurelton, you are a very bitter angry blackman, this is the main problem with blackwomen and blackmen; this kind of anger and bitterness. not all blackwomen are angry and yes i do prefer whitemen, does not mean i have any issues with blackmen, i dont. i can not help it that i love who i love. blackmen have nothing to do with my preference, you would be better suited dating out because you have too much anger against blackwomen. question for you; do you talk this way to blackmen that prefer anything other than a blackwoman? im sure you dont. you should seek theraphy for the anger you have; if you dont it will one day consume you completely...but then again...maybe it already has...
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Member says:Posted: 03 Sep 08
No you clearly don't know what your talking about. White men leave their children too. A matter of fact the 70 percent of black women raising children alone includes men from different races. Maybe you need to look at yourself and figure out why other races of women can keep men in their lives to help them raise their children. Good for you continuing to dating "White men". (Plural) Good day
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prettybrowneyes says:Posted: 03 Sep 08
sellout blackwomen? how do you figure? you clearly dont know what a sellout really is. blackmen sellout their communities everyday. not taking care of their children and families or communities. about 70% of blackchildren are not beraised with their fathers around, their black fathers. this is what makes you a sellout, not dating one another race. i prefer whitemen and make no apologies for it.
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Member says:Posted: 02 Sep 08
Dear Dimples You made some good points. My style of writing makes it look like I am intense. You mentioned black men dating white women and that we should take responsibility for those actions. I think many black men do that but you see we are not on blogs bashing black women like they do to us. I maybe the exception because I don't date outside my race. From talking to friends who date outside of their race. I just gave you a glimpse on the reason why black men date white women. You said yourself that Black women on a whole started dating outside of their race due to the "negative actions of black men" and not counting that some black men date white women. There was quite a few issues that drove them to date white men. You stated in your post you felt like you were Last in the line when it came to black men in your experience. So how can you stand there and say decisions to date outside your race has nothing to do with black men. It is simply a contradiction. Whether you want to be a sellout that is your choice. The real reason seems to be your "problems with black men". Now you can sugar coat it or dance around it that is fine. You mention there is more important things to be worried about. I absolutely agree but since we are on this board this is the most important issue. Also I do not give the thumbs up for black men to date white women I give you a glimpse of what they feel about it. It is only common sense to distinguish the differences. Black men don't go around making blogs tearing down black women and say white women are just so great. But I see plenty blogs of desperate black women tearing black men for attention from white men. As for things crippling our community. I am actually in the black community unlike you. So if anything is crippling the community is traitors in our community. I read your story about being married to a black man and going through infidelity. I can point to sellout black women getting divorced from white men and I don't hear the same criticisms about them. I figure their to embarrassed to admit they failed at even keeping a white man interested in them. I think your 1 anecdotal story about your failed marriage to a black man is interesting but that does not represent all black men. Your a good debater and I don't want you to think that I don't respect how you feel. We are all civil people.
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Dimplessss says:Posted: 02 Sep 08
Mr. Laurelton Queens, When I first began reading your post, I found that I could either nod in agreement or agree to disagree with you. However, as you went on, your post began to feel more like a rage fueled attack aimed at denigrating all black women, than the intellectual dialogue that I have come to expect from you. I won't address everything you've said but I will point out the ones that caught my eye. You say, "I will date thicker black women, white men will not do that." That's a very narrow and untrue statement unless your observations are strictly within your own community. Where I live, white men WILL date thicker black women. I've seen it both in my church and in my community. I can't honestly comment on your 'housing project' girl and 'thug dating' statements. I was raised in a middle class neighborhood, not upper, not lower, just middle and I know very little of that life or who dates or doesn't date who. Since life in the suburbs is what I know, it's what I stick with and I'm thankful for it and all of the opportunities that I've had as a result of it. Also I don't identify with nor represent your 'sellout women' statements comments so I won't respond to them. I do find it interesting that you appear to give the 'thumbs up' to black men who date outside by giving him the eternal crutch of, "black women caused him to date outside," thereby excusing him of all responsibility for actions and choices that you yourself seem to abhor. This is typical of the mentality that is crippling our community as a whole. "It's not his fault...someone else made him do it," no matter what 'it' is. Then you turn around and vilify the black women who may do the same thing for the same reasons. I don't understand it. Allow me, for a second to speak to the brothas who choose to date outside: please...please...PLEASE take responsibility for your own actions in all areas of your life but for the sake of this discussion, I say this: If you want white or 'other' then by all means, go get it. It's your choice. But own it, by God; and if you're playing the blame game, cut it out and live your life. Swallow that bitter pill and move on! Now, back to the discussion. You go on to say, 'Eventually that is the only attention you will get is from white men while you stand in the back of the line behind all the other races of women the white men dates.' Speaking from the experience of one who has dated both, I can admit this: There have been several times that I 'stood in line' behind other women but it occurred while I was with BLACK MEN; not every time, but enough times. There were other girlfriends/ex-wives/friends with benefits that I discovered I'd been sharing my BLACK man with AFTER I began dating. The same occurred after I married a black man. Now, I could go into the 'monogamously challenged' black men' issue but that's a different discussion for a different time. I could also say that my negative experiences with black men drove me into the arms of white men but that would be a lie. Truth is, I have and will continue to date who I choose whether black, white, latino, native american, or other. I won't repeat my story nor will I justify why I do what I do. Just read above in case you missed it. I will, however return to this one simple truth, there are so many more important things to be passionate/angry about than 'what color man/woman dates, what color and why.' When the time comes, I've decided to be more concerned with whether or not the guy my daughter(s) bring home (whether black or not) treats her with the dignity, love, and respect that is her due. That alone is important to me when it comes to relationships. Lastly, I appreciate a good discussion/debate as much as the next person but the moment it turns into a name calling, rage filled attack on anyone, I step out of the ring and find intelligent debate elsewhere. This is Dimplessss aka KiKi ~ Take care everyone.
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Tampa_Chris says:Posted: 02 Sep 08
Just to broaden the perspective, I've dated a daughter of a United Nations Leader as well as my last girlfriend who was from the pj's of Lake City, FL. Jus my 2 cents.
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Member says:Posted: 02 Sep 08
Dear Dimples Sorry if I took long to respond it was the Labor day weekend. I would agree with you concerning the looks issue. Some black women may be attracted to the "skin color of a white man". In a majority of cases I seem to run across black women who bash black men for the reason they dating white men. Now I would believe you if that was the case if it was a simple attraction issue. What makes distinguish between black women I date is if they are receptive to me and are moving the same direction I am moving in career wise. Looks are important but not that important. I will date thicker black women , white men will not do that. I will date black women on the lower socio economic scale. White men will not date a black girl in a housing project. Some elite black women have actually attacked me for dating black women in housing. Yet 1/3 of them come from a housing project. I am myself grew up in a middle class neighborhood in Jamaica Queens. As for black men dating white women. I always use this analogy but some black women still do not get it. Black women caused black men to go to white women. It is real simple, you date thugs , drug dealers and hustlers. The black men that put their heads in the books and graduate college were ignored. Now you want to turn around and get mad because he is with a white woman. You don't have to take my word for it, many black men tell me this. My friends tell me this, but instead you want to use white men to get attention. Eventually that is the only attention you will get is from white men while you stand in the back of the line behind all the other races of women the white men dates. I do think the black community is more accepting of interracial relationships. Yet you can admit that but still want validation from white men when their own family and community looks down on black people. I remember CNN did to be "Black in America", the black woman in the interracial relationship said her white husband family say they don't want "black blood in their family". So what the does the white husband says " oh they will come around". I thought to myself damn they smacked you in the face and all you can do it smile and take it. What exactly will it take for you to stand up for yourself. As for the Marine comment , my best friends are in the Military both stayed within their race. The military is the last place for racial harmony. I think sellout black women need to get a backbone. They get all worked up over black men looking at them in public. Yet the white community call them every name in the book and they still crawl back. Simply pathetic.
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Dimplessss says:Posted: 27 Aug 08
To Tampa Chris: Thank you very much and right back atcha. Keep doin what you're doin. (smile) To Mr. Laurelton Queens: I read your last post and can understand where you're coming from. I can also agree...to a certain extent. For some, race can be a potential factor...in the beginning. But then again, so can something as simple as how someone of your own race looks. If I'm not mistaken, you've said that you will only date black women, correct? If so, cool. That's your prerogative and that's a beautiful thing. Now, imagine yourself in a social setting. Say you see two black women standing near each other chatting. What is something that would attract you to one over the other? Her outer beauty? Is she dressed up or does she look thrown together? Her demeanor? It doesn't make you a jerk to be attracted to the outside first, it makes you human. Same goes for someone who choses to date interracially. Maybe he or she is simply attracted to a skin tone that is different from their own. It's just a baseline. But over time, it is the inside of the individual that will determine whether that new person is worth their time and trouble. On your comment concerning black women and the media: Perhaps a some of us (black women) can be a bit jaded by what we view in the media. But then again, can't that be said for anyone men/women/black/white and all others? I tend to believe that many (black women) react toward brothas more from experiences we ourselves or those in our immediate circles have gone through and not as much by the media; especially when the topic is about brothas dating white women. Personally, I say, "Who cares?" My only problem, as I said, is the hypocracy. I think it's ridiculous that those same brothas, have the gall to look at a bf/wm couple cross eyed, snarled lipped, or even have something negative to say. Lastly, I do feel that by and large, white men can have it tougher when they choose to be in an interracial relationship. Though there is a preference for bm/bf relationships in the black community, I believe that we are more receptive/accepting toward interracial couples than 'traditional' white communities. BTW: The man I described in my previous post is a 'white collar' kind of guy. He is a former Marine...well, once a Marine always a Marine. Anyway, he is a First Officer for a major airline (hint: Wanna get away?)and has been for the past four years. When we were together, he was very 'into' me both privately and publicly and though he would occasionally notice when we'd get 'the look' from white women or black men, it's not something that altered his behavior toward me in the least. This is Dimplesss. I hope you hear me.
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Member says:Posted: 26 Aug 08
I have read the comments here. I think Dimples made some interesting points. I remember being in undergrad and the black girls I would notice dating white guys were overlooked. But the same can be said for black men that were into their education and did not socialize much. But I can understand her feelings. Just because there are more women on campus or your job does not automatically means a black man is player with all of them. I think black women fall for the media to much. Some black women just come up to you and say " I bet you date white women". I do not see white women saying to a white guy " I bet you date black girls". My main point is all women treat men of different races differently. I do not care how they try to sugar coat it. Spanish, white , black women and asian women talk to black men differently than a white guy. If your a girl in one of those racial groups and your chubby you will be around "black men" because we like thicker girls. Where I will see a skinny girl of any racial group act ditsy to get attention from white men. So I think race is one of the important factors in dating. For people to say they do not notice that they are lying. Most white men I have seen dating black women lived similar lives black men have. Every once in awhile I would see like a "White collar" White guy with a black girlfriend. Most of the time that is not the case. Some people call them "Wiggers" but I just thank they are just trying to fit in or be themselves. Not every white guy is the same, some like hip hop and r&b, some don't. You can like country music and date black women. From a person like me outside looking in, I just tell you the perspective of what most people feel but are to scared to say it. I live in a 99% middle class black neighborhood. In real life most black men do not care to the degree that I do. I actually it is harder for a white guy to be an interracial relationship to be honest with you. He is ostracized by people that he is close too. On top of that he may get along with black men but they don't really hang with him or they may disrespect him and talk to his woman. That would wear down any man.
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shonnda says:Posted: 26 Aug 08
The couple is Robin Thicke and his wife. Yes i chose to date only white guys, but marry them I have not made my mind up on that yet. Once I again I have read every one blog you all make good points but I think yall think to deep into what other people say making these decision are our own choices and it is nothing wrong with the men or women we pick, but I guess it would not be fun if we took things out of content so we could try to make peolpe belive the race we picked is right in your eyes and other peoples.
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Dimplessss says:Posted: 26 Aug 08
Tonight was the first time I actually got on here to read all of this and all I can say is WOW! As I read the increasingly hostile posts, I found myself shaking my head and saying, "Hmmm. Why all of the anger bordering on rage? What's the point?" Well, one thing I'm not going to do is attack anyone, black men/women, white men/women, whoever. Who you date is who you date...period...the end. Having said that, I do want to add my own two cents and sorta tell my story. Who knows? Someone else may actually be able to relate, so here goes: I come from a 'rainbow coalition' type of family. Aside from our core black couples, there are whites, hispanics, native americans, hawaiian, and japanese. Now these couples are mostly made up of the men in my family who chose to date/marry outside of our race. Funny thing is, when the women of my family follow suit, there is surprise bordering on outrage from the brothers, uncles, cousins, etc. It's a bit hypocritical, I know...sort of a, 'Do as I say not as I do' mentality. But whatever... The community in which I grew up was predominately white with groups of black people sprinkled in here and there. There was racism to be sure but there was also alot of intraracial hate. If you,(as a female) weren't light-skinned with long hair or white, you were ok to be friends with but not one to be asked out on dates. Having seen this all of my formative years, I did have a bit of a complex. I was medium skinned, not light. My hair was short, and though I was nice looking and athletic, I wasn't the petite 'pretty girl'. The first guy I dated was the one who treated me well, asked me out, and was genuinely interested in getting to know me. He just happened to be white and believe me, we both got a lot of flack from family, friends, you name it. In spite of this we were happy together overall. The loudest noise however, came from my black male friends. These same brothas who spouted all of the negative comments/hate at me were the very same ones who didn't bother to ask me out themselves before 'Chris' showed an interest. They just had a lot to say once I 'stepped out'. But I could't let it phase me. I dated the guy who added to my natural happiness. As I got older (college) I did date black men and in fact married a man of my race because that's who I was attracted to. There were many reasons that the marriage didn't last but we did become and remain great friends to this day. He is now dating a very sweet woman who just happens to be white. The man I most recently dated was also white. He was very good to me, our kids had great fun together and the complexities of an interracial relationship really never bothered us. It could be that, as a Marine, he'd seen wayyy too many real world situations that actually meant something to be bothered with something as petty as "Oh my, I'm dating a black woman. What will people think?" Personally, I just don't give a flip any more what people think of my dating choice. If I want to date a guy, whether he's black, white, or whatever I'll do it. The choice to date both inside and outside of my race is and has always been just a tiny part of who I am as a person, as I'm sure it is with many others on this board. So, why are words being hurled at each other with such venom and malicious intent; especially when all people on here seek to do is love and be loved in return? I'm not trying to break into anything sappy or have anyone sing a rousing rendition of 'Kum ba yah', but come on people! It's really not that deep. Live and let live. This is Dimplessss and I'm out.
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Tampa_Chris says:Posted: 25 Aug 08
DJTEEL'S comments were just down right ignorant. Didn't waste the time. I got a good laugh though. Laurelton Queens makes some good points though we don't always have to agree. And to all the black women bashin' on black men remember that it goes both ways. Most of my best friends are successful, educated, and ambitious black men that date primarily black women. From their experiences they say that the black woman searching for this perfect man is overlooking them under false stereotypical pretenses. Also, many of us "good guys" aren't edgy/exciting enough for these good women, in which they realize how good we are when its too late. I referenced Blackplanet.com b/c I am wondering Mr. Queens if you are actually paying a fee for this site. I don't think you will find much of what you're looking for here with the exception of an argument with some women who are broadening their racial horizons in terms of romance. Just please be careful placing all white men in some box of us seeming to be some sort of holier than thou being simply wanting to conquer a woman of color for our own sexual exploits. Much love to the sistah's out there who are willing to try "Something New". For all the catz who don't agree. We'll, thats where it ends for you cuz there will be nothing to stop me from doin what I do. Women are women regardless of color. They will choose who they want as I will do the same.
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Member says:Posted: 25 Aug 08
Dear Tampa Chris You maybe white and your ok with me. But I did not hear you say sh%t when DJTEEL said something about black women. Secondly you did not say nothing when black women bash black men on here. I will give you the benefit of the doubt on here. How about you go to White planet and find someone. Because clearly you ride the fence to much. Good day
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Tampa_Chris says:Posted: 25 Aug 08
Laurelton Queens go to BlackPlanet.com and find someone b/c its kinda strange you hatin' on a interracial dating site. Kitty stay here or wherever else that makes you happy. Now that you two are separated we may move on.
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Member says:Posted: 24 Aug 08
Dear Kitty I am in the United States why do I care how you pronounce it in British. Secondly you attacked me you air head. You have a Black grandparent therefore in the UNITED STATES the 'one drop rule" applies here. Since I did not ask where you were from nor cared. I am sure you will find a white man to increase your vocabulary since that is very important to you. Since I am the "poster child" for black men, you do not date. As for your 'exasperation" you caused that upon yourself reading what I write. You seem to have an issue with being “considered” black period. Maybe you should take some counseling and embrace your “one drop rule” of blackness. You also said this “Being adopted and not knowing my birth family also influences my decision to date only white men. Who wants to find out they’re dating their dad?!” Listen you are an embarrassment what does adoption have to do with the feeling of dating your dad. I guess when your around other black people it feels like their ‘your brothers and sisters”. You lost me you dumb panda bear! I do not understand you and frankly white men can have you. Nevertheless, wait you might be in Britain I do not know. Since you said comment……………………….. “Apparently you are as ignorant as I initially thought; “labelling” is the British spelling and therefore NOT incorrect” I am ignorant, I am in the United States, and everybody uses the word labeling. What exactly was your point anyway of this whole discussion? You hate being black and your glad you can pass off white is that what it is?
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Dear Phatkitty You make some interesting points about black women being treated like "mules". It is almost like your saying black men "intentionally" treat them that way. I never grew up in a single parent home. But it is true that black women have pressure to take care of their extended family. My aunt was married divorced and she was the backbone of the family. My aunt's best friend she is the backbone of her family, she is widowed. Even if a black woman was to enter a interracial relationship she would feel obligated to take care of her "extended family". Now that she is with a white man the standards change and she is not a mule now?????????? It simply does not make any sense to me. It is almost like the white skin makes black women feel that their not "black" anymore. A black man says he has an interest in a traditional black wife that likes to cook and do laundry she is mule! Even when he works hard at his profession and breaks his back for her. The White man asks her to do that and he is a "family man"! That is bullshit.