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Why some Black women only date White Men

Posted by James, 17 Jan

We always talk about Black women and how they can’t date White men. Well, there are those black women that only date White men. I remember a pal of mine telling me once that she will never get married to Black man. And even as kids, when playing make believe, she was always married to a White guy.

The reason for women like her who only date white men may be very similar to the reasons why most Black women only date Black men … attraction. Some also feel that Black men treat them better than any other man ever could, and they feel that they'd rather have what they know instead of experimenting with what they don’t know.

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Some Black women are just not physically attracted to Black men. And as much as parents usually like hooking us up with people of our own race, well it reaches a time when you have to be honest with yourself. Imagine my pal for example: As a child, her first crush was Adam Sandler, then as she got older, she fell in love with Mel Gibson. This doesn’t mean that Black men aren’t handsome – they are just not her type.

Some also feel that White men (not ALL but many) find black women to be remarkable in every sense of the word; hence Black women tend to gravitate towards those affections. Much as her husband treats her better than any man ever had, one lady admits that she has been with some White men that disgusted her with their behaviors. But she says that generally, older White men and very mature on a broader level than with Black men on many levels.

Some are just wildly turned on by the differences … skin color, hair, being raised in different cultures, music, foods … the list is endless. Its all about the desire for the mysterious and unknown. And for some, its just pure love because there are those that forget that we are ‘black’ and ‘white’ and just coincidentally happened to fall in love with a White guys.

One thing we all have to remember is that not every White man is a Black woman’s dream. It all depends on the individual … good and bad comes in all colors.

With that said, the generic phrase - ‘It should be about love and not color’ – is cute. But in this case, not entirely truthful. Its not only about love. Much as love gets cultivated eventually, there is physical attraction and a declaration to date only one race. Racist or preference?

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1841 responses to "Why some Black women only date White Men"

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  1.   Member says:
    Posted: 09 Dec 09

    Dear Trinty What is wrong with a majority black neighborhood? This is the problem with you sellout black women. You try to put yourselves on a pedestal above 'other classes of women". It takes more than a fancy job and education to have a good man. That is why so many sellout black women fail. They never point the finger at themselves for relationships failing. The emasculated white man is to busy trying to kiss your ashy toes instead of stating the truth. AZ has been one of the few white guys that tells the truth. He simply says he doesn't want to be a second option to black women or "an emergency man" when you can't find a good black man like myself. You mention you are on responsible for yourself. But you look a white man bailout stimulus package on E Harmon and all these other websites. White men just overlook your profile and don't even have you in their favorite folder unless you are biracial and damn near look like Halle Berry. Black women end up in bad situation because of THEIR bad choices. Now the chickens are coming home to roost for all you women including the white women. Yea white women dissing their white men to get with black men. You fraudulent hos only want black men with money! I always told people when the good "black men" turn on you, the end is coming. Look for the "TIGER WOODS STORY" THE PREQUEL.. OFF THE MAN ON FIRE BLOG ALBUM. These women ignored Tiger Woods when he was playing golf. They said he was a nerd and etc. Now that he is on top. They crying and snitching. He told you he had a wife stupid bitch but you wanted more. If he was just a nerdy caddy carrying the bag for the white man. You wouldn't give a shit about him! You raggedy bitches are going to pay the price! MY press conference would have went like this. "Yea I fucked those bitches". I got the money so I call the shots! Now back to your regular scheduled program! These women create the monster and then wonder why the monster turns on them! God bless Tiger Woods. Please forgive me for the new album. I called it "Man on Fire" for a reason. I ain't playing games with these women anymore. Thank you to all my fans. I am gone. http://www.mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/

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  2.   scoff/sarah says:
    Posted: 09 Dec 09

    Excellent post, very well spoken, Thank You Scoff

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  3.   Trinity says:
    Posted: 09 Dec 09

    From time to time I like to browse these BF/WM boards/topics to see how people are reacting to freedom of choice. This one doesn't disappoint! There are some characters here. LOL I don't have a clear preference for a phenotype (there's no such thing as race biologically speaking). I gravitate to men I'm attracted to and I respond to men who are attracted to me and treat me well. I haven't met enough men to say that I'm ONLY attracted to X or NEVER attracted to Y when it comes to phenotype. It is a fact that I have the opportunity to date more white men because of where I spend most of my time (work) and where I live (not in a majority black area). I've dated a few white guys but until my current boyfriend my serious relationships were with black men. He is white British (I'm black American) and our biggest challenge is the UK-US difference, not the melanin difference. We'll likely always have to deal with "racial" issues because the world can be a racist place, but there's too much love between us to let the world dictate how happy we're allowed to be together. Besides, in the UK, where I'll be living, couples like us are far more common than they are in the states. People need to get over this "scarcity" mentality. There are over 6 billion people on the planet, and most of us manage to find more than one suitable partner in our lifetimes (whether we screw things up with them is another story). I didn't take someone's white man and he didn't take someone's black woman. We simply found each other - what could be more natural? The way I see it, the entire straight, single male population of the earth comprise my dating pool, and what matters most are the qualities and behaviors of the men to whom I am attracted, not their color or ethnicity. If a man is attracted to me as I am, respects my humanity and individuality and treats me with honor, and I feel the same way about him, only good can come of that combination no matter what it looks like physically. I don't concern myself with disapproval about the man I choose to date and will likely marry. My only responsibility in this life is to take care of myself. I'm not responsible for someone else's hurt feelings, anger, disappointment, elation, pride or judgment about my relationship. If seeing me happy with my man elicits negative feelings for you, that's too bad...for you. Ain't no self-hatred, slavemaster rape, golddigging, racial sex touring, hiding or use and abuse going on here, so take that nonsense elsewhere. Not all black women are simply reacting to hurt feelings as they learn to explore their dating options with white men, but many are. I don't think you should date anyone because you're avoiding someone else. Having said that, we seem to learn more about what we want from having experienced what we do not want. There's a difference between a person who is honestly branching out to something new and someone who is running away from something after a bad experience. Those women bring their negativity with them, and all it takes is one heartbreak from a white guy and then they move on to the next racial promised land....Asians, Latinos, whoever. The only thing I will say is that it's imperative for all black women to demand stable, loving, non-violent and respectful relationships with men, be they black, white or green, and leave the ones who can't provide that kind of relationship alone. It's a myth that a woman with high standards eventually has to settle for less. Settling for less is why so many black women end up in bad situations. This is a true statement for all women, but this thread is about black women in particular.

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  4.   Africa says:
    Posted: 08 Dec 09

    Black people think everything has to be explained to them...Explain why you are so racist? Why can't you have a conversation with a blonde chick that may have a rich dad? This doesn't make her different. You are so much better than everyone else with your weaves and nappy braids... Get a life and fuckin stop hating on interracial couples. Your so angry that you made a site to bash happy people. Everybody who is not fuckin mad about nappy hair don't respond to the hate... Ignorance will bring you down.

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  5.   Richard says:
    Posted: 08 Dec 09

    Once white men starting dating “Precious” from the movie. I might get a bit worried. HAhahah! OK that was some funny shit, made me laugh today Mr. Queens. thanks much.

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  6.   Member says:
    Posted: 06 Dec 09

    Dear Richard I thought the "Soul sista" comment was funny lol. Yea the hatred goes overboard. I don't hate anybody. Once white men starting dating "Precious" from the movie. I might get a bit worried.

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  7.   Richard says:
    Posted: 06 Dec 09

    You got a white guy on the board calling you a “soul sista”. WTF, is a “soul sista”. Hahaha, well, it did not occur to me that people would not get the reference. The line is from a song called "Super Soul Sis" on the Regulators album by Warren G. I think the lady singing was "Jah Skillz" or something like that. I know, I know, an old album reference but I liked the song so I used it. I really don't care for all the negative comments and backlash about racism. I do agree with blahblahblah726 views that a person should be judged on their inner personality and not their outside looks. Any other way to look at it and you are selling yourself short. Sorry there Mr. Queens, didn't know there was so much hatred out there. Is this the way most black guys feel? Or is this a thing from your neighborhood? If it is then pretty much all my really good black guy friends keep quiet about it when we talk about women and what we look for in a women. Hmmm, now you got me wondering...

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  8.   osunbaby says:
    Posted: 03 Dec 09

    "Once they took the black man- they took the strength of the black family. " Once they DIVIDED the black man and woman they took the strength of the black family. This is how that sentence should read. A family's strength is the balance between both parents and their collective values...

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  9.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 03 Dec 09

    Okay Ms. Amy, you made your choice,as I have made mine. True I'm invovled with a white man, but it is because of his character not the color of his skin. To know that some one makes a choice first on the color of a person's skin, is related to the dark segerated past. There are good men black or white, and worthless men in any race. Wake up Sister, your limiting your self, and setting your life on one limited parameter, white first. Just another 2 cents worth from my thoughts. Love Sarah

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  10.   blahblahblah726 says:
    Posted: 03 Dec 09

    hmmmmm racist or preference? my question is, in the end, is there a difference? i think the essence of racism all along has been a person, for whatever reason, believing one race's members where superior or inferior compared to other races. i think we can all agree thats wrong and that each person should be judged on their own merits and personality, right? easy enough for most to accept at the workplace, at play, church, etc. but when it comes home, it gets really personal then. inside the 4 walls of our castle, some people drop that sentiment and say things like, "i won't date this individual or that individual because of there race". for whatever reason, they choose not to look at the individual, but the "packaging", the person's race. the essence of racism has reared its head once again, but we so eloquently mask it by calling it "preference" when we discuss it. however, is you agree with what i stated the essence of racism is, you can see how that "preference" is just that. racism. i for one am open to all ethnicities. I think its fair to say i may find more women of one race physically attractive than another race, but i don't "prefer" to seek out one over the other. i've met "hotties and notties" in all different colors. i don't let the wrapping dictate which presents i open... besides, without dating every single woman of a certain race, how can i logically say anything generalizing about that race or its women? "white women this", "black women that", "black men this". i can't say it unless i've experienced it. to include the opinions of my circle of influence still isn't enough to make generalizing decisions about a race's opposite sex.

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  11.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 09

    WOW!!!!!! OM-gosh I find it hard to relate to the Black Lady who has such a negative opinion of Black Men. Sometimes a person needs to look where their at on the Social Pecking order, well maybe change the social bubble their living in. Sure I'm currently dating a white man, adding to be perfectly honest I had plenty of choices black, white, hispanic, black hispanic, oh I could go on and on. Why did I choose to be with a white man @ my age 60, I found the one I had the most in common with, same interest, respect, just a good package for me. Plus sure we had a history, just another point we had in common, we often sit around disscussing the old days, compare notes so to speak, laugh at ourselves, laugh at others. One thing that both of have in common we accept the person for who they are not the color of their skin, as I first mentioned very early in one my post character is what counts. Emotions like anger tear the life out of a person, put it aside, be open, your prince is out their, look every where white black or any shade between. Oh no another long babble from a seasoned citizen. to all my love and blessings Sarah I got a another neat story to relate when I get the time. White family that had extreme hate for blacks, Grand daughter marries a black man, some days I just have to laugh at some of these old die hards.

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  12.   Sunjammer says:
    Posted: 02 Dec 09

    Mr Laurelton Queens makes the lady's point for her. What an ignoramos. And please, the term "The White Man" went out with Malcom X.

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  13.   Member says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 09

    I leave for a minute and these ashy booty sellout black women rambling on about black men. I wouldn't take you anywhere with your bad attitude. The white man doesn't exactly take you to a 5 star restaurant but you are complaining about us. You are at the drive thru at Mcdonalds but your bragging your white man take you to upscale functions. Stop lying to everyone here. The only place the white man takes you is to his apartment and his bedroom. Your so stupid you think walking your little dog with him in the park is "taking you somewhere". Sellout black women are increasingly pathetic everyday. Ask them the last fancy place they have been taken to by white men or even black men. They will scratch their weave and say " Olive Garden". You stupid slut Olive Garden is not an upscale restaurant. You manage to run your mouth off about black men. You haven't mentioned one thing your white man does. Other than just exist and breathe. You gullible slut. You got a white guy on the board calling you a "soul sista". WTF, is a "soul sista". Is that a black woman with swollen ankles that makes soul food? They should kick you in the back of the head for a statement like that. Jesus, I just feel sorry for black women at this point. It is like picking on the handicap or a retarded child. If they don't got a strange white man calling them "soul sista", they got the balding white men that just got divorced wanting to be with them. He goes " I always wanted a black woman but you know the white wife thing was in the way". Gullible black woman believes this shit. Black women need to stand up and stop being the recipient of left over white men with fetishes. That is why most sellout black women say they have a white man but they never tell you about him. They are embarrassed and desperate. They keep saying "he got a job". AND, is that it? Do you love him? Don't answer that because I will keep calling you a stupid desperate slut. http://www.mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/ Look for that " I am on Fire" post off the Mac and Cheese blog album. I am also working on the "The White Man Bailout Part 5, Benefits have run out". You have a nice day

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  14.   Amy says:
    Posted: 01 Dec 09

    In response to comments about why a black woman wouldn't be attractive to a black man; I'll tell you why from my perspective. As a biracial woman(black/white)there are some black men whom I find attractive physically but the attitude and the "I'm a poor black man mentality" is a turn off for me. Every conversation is about race, going out on a date it has to be a black movie or a black restaurant. Give me a break!! In this day and age a man with ambition and motivation can be anything he desires. If I were not in the great relationship I'm in with a white man; I would simply stay single before I would ever date a black man.

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  15.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 28 Nov 09

    Home @ last, got in late last night, I must say visiting the family can wear one out. Always good to get home. Just a short note to say hello to all my friends, Ms. SE Wilde, Scoff said he viewed your profile on another site, I looked it up also, and you are truely awesome. GoDiva how are things going, I hope you don't work yourself to death, take a moment for yourself. Well I finally made the plunge and informed my daughters I have a BF, of course this brought an onslaught of questions. Who is it, how did I meet him, whats he look like, how long have I known him. Of course the big one when will we meet him. During the whole question and answer session, they never thought to ask if he was white/black. For now I think I'll just let them get use to this part of my life, before I drop the big bomb that he's white or Greek. Actually he darker than my daughters, if it wasn't for the blue eyes you would think he was Hispanic. Any way my dear friends a little advice on how to handle this one. Shoppping today UGH, then the Florida/Florida State game at Scoff's. Love all of you Sarah

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  16.   Richard says:
    Posted: 25 Nov 09

    This is a tough one. I found this website through Google, just messing around one night and decided to read all the comments. First of all, a little background on me. I am a 40yo athletic white guy with blond hair and blue eyes. I am told by many that I am above average in looks, some girls have said movie star good looking, but I really don’t think so. I think I am just average. Professional, have good career, 6 figures, etc… The crazy part about this is that I have always been attracted to black women. No kidding. I don’t know how or why, but it started in the 5th or 6th grade. My school was mixed so I had plenty different types to choose from, but in the back of my mind it was always the black girls. And not even the really dark girls, but mixed girls, light skin, any combination. White girls to me were just ho hum. Now don’t get me wrong, I like ALL women. And I can appreciate the female form no matter the color, nationality, language, age, etc… But there is something, and always has been from as far back as I can remember, that turns me on about strong soul sista. (sic) Reading through all the comments (only the last 200 or so) I found some dreadfully petty arguments from the pro and con responders. I also found it appalling some of responses posted by black women about things said to them by the black curious white guys. I also never knew black guys were pissed about BW dating white guys. WTF? I guess there are going to be haters everywhere and that is just a part of life. And by that logic there is probably some group out there somewhere dedicated to the hatred of Transsexual/Transvestite women stealing all the good available men of the world! (You know they are!! hehehe) Now before you get some pre-conceived notion that I am some kind of “Malibu’s Most Wanted” white guy trying to be black, all I can say is ‘please’. I am just me. Articulate speaking, and the way my black friends describe me is “free thinking”. Black culture is just that, black culture. Me personally, I am just your average white guy who likes to play golf, sing, play guitar, and surf. I can now see why gay people say they were born gay. For me, there was no cataclysmic event that signaled my attraction for black females. No super hot teacher or neighbor, or babysitter, or whatever; the attraction was always just there. And I don’t know why. My dad told me when I was 16 if I ever brought home a (insert N word here) he “just couldn’t take it”. Well, even though I was young and never heard that before my response was, ‘Dad I don’t care if the person I find is purple and from Mars. I just want a girl that is going to treat me right’. After that he seemed to be on a quest for me to marry any blond haired big boobed white girl he could find. I have dated plenty of black girls in my time, but for some reason things just never took with any of them. My only home is that someday I can find a funny, sophisticated, intelligent and accomplished woman who wants to be with me as much I want to be with her. Oh yea, and it would be extra wonderful if she was black and hot! For now I will just have to wait and dream.

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  17.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    Ms. SE Thank you so much for the sites you mentioned, go Sister you are so beautiful, and your book is going to be success. True this is not the site for the research thing. Scoff said to tell you are one classy looking lady, he said if he was young hmmm lolol. Mr. Queens Super good job be a positive role model, go to it your the type man we need to help our childern, (black or white). I know you still love us lolo. Bless all Sarah

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  18.   SEWilde says:
    Posted: 24 Nov 09

    Scoff/Sarah, Miss Sarah, I do remember the story you and Scoff were going to research about the black woman and the German. It really sounds like an interesting story, and I would be curious to hear the details. I have a million questions about a coupling of that kind, especially from a historical perspective. One thing I know for sure, this is definitely not the forum for that kind of IR speculation. Of course, this is a free country, and you are free to post what you like, where you would like to post it. I would suggest you visit me at FlamesofPassion@ymail.com (or not) and if you would like to see excerpts of "Flames of Passion" before its release next month, you are welcomed to go to www.amberswann.com to see what the book looks like. Since I seldom get over this way, if I miss your future posts, I hope you and yours, have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving Day. I wish you and Scoff, and everyone on this site, peace and happiness. With much love and respect, always... SE

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  19.   Member says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 09

    I like Scoff and Sara's story I live in town full of veterans. I find it disturbing some commentators have this "the white people" are to blame for everything. I maybe disagree on interracial dating but I harbor no ill will towards white people. It is funny for me because I live in a small town in Pennsylvania (mostly working class whites). I come straight from the hoods of New York City. I am simply amazed how things are different here in a small white town. Currently, I work in a small elementary school with all white kids (started today). Relatively easy job keeping my client on track. It shocks me how much resources go into white elementary schools compared to black schools. I was like, I can't remember all this shit when I went to Elementary school. These kids got a computer, snacks, playground next to the classroom. Nice desks and chairs. PARENTS actually in the classroom just relaxing. "I scratched my head like", something is wrong with the black community because elementary school felt like a mini prison to me growing up. It is a damn shame to be honest with you. Another thing that surprised me. The kids I met this morning never mention race or anything. At first, I was like oh boy a black man in a class full of white kids and Asian kids. I was taken aback how fast kids adapt to new people. Some little girl named "Evelyn" was like "Mr Andrew" you like my picture. I was like "yea yea". The questions never stopped. I was like ask "Jayden", that's "my client". I fit in right away. I really can't complain. Both of my careers are taking off. I work two jobs. If my friends from New York City saw me now they would laugh. They would be like, how the fuck you end up teaching a white kid in an elementary school full of "old white trash folks" homey? Oh yea, the Mormons came by. We have been talking for weeks now. I think they like listening to me, more than I do them. I am quite a charming man. Oh yea there is a biracial little girl in class. She is the only one and guess who she hangs out with? Yea "Evelyn", the one that yaks to me all day. The Asian little girl yaks to me too. Good day. LOL

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  20.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 23 Nov 09

    Ms. SE Like yourself I don't visit the neigborhood that often, but still enjoy reading the recent posts, adding that I learn more on each visit. Being a black woman, I've dated mostly black men my entire life, even after my late husband passed away I dated only black men. I must say all were of the utmost character, and good hard working honest men. How I ended up with a white man, seems to be just a natural event. True Scoff and I go back to our teens, we do admit that we were each others first love. Neather of us set out to fall back in love or even ever see each other again, and believe me we didn't just jump back into a hot and heavy relationship. I guess the point I would like to make I really can't understand a black woman who only dates white men. I know I'm very happy and content right now, as my man makes me feel good, and truly respects me. So my black sisters, find the right man for you, if he is black so be it, if he is white so be it. One thing I promised myself that I will not accept anything less than the best just so I could be with a man, white or black. Okay just and old woman rambling on this morning, time to go lots to do deliver baskets for those less blessed than the rest of us. Then over to Scoff's we have to visit some old WW II vets today. Ms. SE Oh before I forget I would love for you to think about writing about the German POW and a black woman, remember me telling you about some sort of relationship between the two of them, their is some truth to it. If our research holds true, I'll give you an update. Strange things happen when you listen to some of these (real old timers) lolo Love to all Sarah

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  21.   SEWilde says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 09

    Miss Sarah, I am glad to see you! As I take few trips through this neighborhood anymore, it is nice to see you still out here. I am amazed at how much hatred there is on both sides. The funny part of that whole thing is that, things are not always as they seem, and so what if they are? What if they were an interracial couple? So what? I guess the more things change, the more things stay the same. I hope you and Scoff are still an item. The thought of you two together, makes me smile. Take care of each other, I would hope to speak to you in the future. SE

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  22.   Scoff/Sarah says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 09

    A very unpleasant lunch, Recently I had lunch with a very dear friend and her grand daughter, I think the grand daughter must be around 21 plus years old. As we sat in Olive Gardens, enjoying our meal, and just catching up on family and friends, a very handsome black man came in with a beautiful white woman. My friend and I glanced up and continued our lunch and conversation; not really concerned about the other patrons in the area, black, white or what ever. Looking over at Dawn the grand daughter I noticed she was staring a hole through the mixed couple, thinking something was wrong, I asked if something was wrong, with her food. Dawn snapped back in a very sharp tone, the food is okay, but that s---, really p----- me off. The comment startled both of us. We continued to finish eating in silence, not really wanting to have our conversation go in that direction. Dawn then began a rather vicous dialogue laced with strong four letter adjectives about how these worthless white women and chicken ---- black men are degrading the Black Race. Trying to bring a more calm tone to the conversation I mentioned that they may work togeather, or are friends, or maybe they are in a mutual love type relationship. To shorten the post, I learned that there some Black women who hate inter racial relationships. Feel a strong betrayal when a black man dates outside his race. Then she got on the subject of having to deal with bi-racial people, first the ones with straight hair, the lighter skin color, some now deny being black and refer to their selves as bi-racial, on and on she went. The tirade literally left me speechless, as I'm not use to such foul words. Later as I thought about whole affair, I was shocked abit to learn that such hate exist among a segment of our black community, when it comes to inter racial relationships. I casually asked how she felt about a black woman dating a white man, Oh My Gosh, again she let loose with some adjectives, that would make a sailor blush. So I must say dispite being 60 plus I learn something new every day. But this did have a humorous ending, in walks a white man, walks upto the table, shakes the black man's hand leans over kisses the woman, obiviously they were the couple,so all the vile emotions was a waste. LOLO My friend and I both laughed and kinda teased Dawn for jumping to a unwarranted conclusion. Just sharing one of my learning moments. Love to all Sarah

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  23.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 02 Nov 09

    JustaGuy I wanted to tell you that do know the song,"Ebony and Ivory". I know it was a few posts ago but wanted you to know. Thank you Ms.Godiva!You are wonderful! Love Ya. TricciNicci, I appreciate your intellectual interpretation, thank you. Peace

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  24.   TricciNicci says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    You get a high five for that one JustAGuy! I like it, I like it!

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  25.   JustAGuy says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Tricci, You're so right. And I've seen it proven again and again. Once, when they'd thrown my behind out of New York City for misbehaving (a lifelong fault, I'm afraid), I was at a prep school in Massachusetts, trying to get saved from the streets of New York. Anyway, there was a guy there who looked basically white -- only the slightest of tan and very straight hair. And he dressed preppy. Everyone assumed he was white. Turned out his father and grandfather were famous, very black musicians. And his mother was white. One day a black guy from the Bronx was talking some typical juvenile smack about "Y'all white people..." and my friend stopped and said, "Now I know you're not talking about me, 'cause my father's blacker than yours!" And it was true. People are so funny. But I agree with you. Geneticists can show us studies, but apparently we can show you PEOPLE.

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  26.   TricciNicci says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Bigeyes, I did not overlook your compliment. I wanted to thank you and let you know you surprised me with your ability to pluck the meat from the bone with definition, aptitude and ability. Excellent work in presenting your argument! You brought your intellect full circle when you were able to gain insight by way of comprehension in the counter argument. Your position, words, tact helped to open others eyes and contribute insightful clarification we all could absorb and ponder. That is what kept this intellectual and not circumstantial. I look forward to hearing more on your opinions concerning colorism. Keep up the excellent dialogue!

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  27.   TricciNicci says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Oooohho, JustAGuy, I've got one as such! My eldest sister is very dark and her first husband was very fair. He hailed from New York where one often sees a vast mix and array of our Melting Pot experience. Now you know geneticist and scientist claim you cannot get lighter from dark no matter the shade. My sister and her husband produced my niece who is paler than her father and causes my sister the social presumption that the child (now fully grown) is of Caucasian paternity. My mother and father produced the same in their bloodline with my youngest sister. As well, did my grandparents who produced a daughter so fair she looked not of the two of them, or even by way of one of them, lol! She is completely fair with hair straighter than Native American and just as long. Both her parents were deep toned. I met her as a child when she came for a visit and never forgot her astonishing beauty. I find the rainbow a beautiful place to be in experiencing the beauty of color, not the vanquishing of it from our desirously bland society. The joy your family brings to the meaning of the word itself should invite celebration when in public. I'm sure it does because your family only attracts such energy and that is its common ground.

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  28.   godiva61 says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    bigeyes31, My dear Natalie, after that 'closing argument' to Renee, you should have said 'the prosecution rest'! Get your butt in Law School! love godiva

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  29.   JustAGuy says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Ah, I'm supposed to be finishing a project but some of you "guys" (now am I sexist?) just make me want to chime in. BigEyes, I like your talk about commitment. It brings to mind something a little off topic, but relevant to commitment and race. My white sister adopted a black daughter (at birth). The only time anyone in our circles (family or freinds) questioned her about the adoption was when someone asked "Why now?" when her white sons were almost grown. "I never had my little girl" was her reply. She adopted a black child not out of any white guilt (which, I know, is another issue...sigh...) or any of that bull, she adopted the the most needy. Now if you think marriage is a commitment, how about choosing your child? It's easy to get divorced, as we can see. But it's a lot harder to give back your child (her white husband got canned during the period...unrelated to my niece...). It's something she's seen all the way through, from premature birth to a full grown woman. She used to laugh about how black women would think nothing of coming up to her in public and telling her what she needed to do about my niece's hair or skin. But she never got a negative comment, and she took all the unsolicited advice as being well-intentioned, so it was never a big deal. And of course, one day in her teenage years, as identity questions and hormones flew around, she yelled at my sister, "You're not even my mother -- you're not even the same color!" And my sister said, lovingly, "Honey, I'm the only mother you've got." They've traveled all over the earth together, and my niece now has a son (so my sister is a grandmother many times over). But she's been part of the family for twenty years now. One of my cousins also married a black woman. After he had a son with his first white wife, his next two loves were black, something I heard comments about. But the last one had five children, and my white cousin took them as his own. Then they had a child together, a "mulatto" girl, who didn't take the color from her dark mother or light father, but was rather the light brown shade exactly in between. Again, he has seen this commitment through to where now all the children are grown, and they are still together. One day he and I took all his kids to a hoighty toighty park in the Oakland hills. His white son was off with his ex, so he only had his dark children with him. Did we get funny looks as all the kids, mostly very dark, called him dad, and me uncle I think, yet our colors were so far apart. But I'm proud of my family for the way we've llved our lives. It's hard to get beyond color in this world. Even now, in huge sections of the world's population other than the U.S., color is a big issue. Any little thing we all accomplish to make change is another grain on the positive side of the balance scales...

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  30.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    TricciNicci you are just eloquent. Justaguy, I know I was wrong about you. Az and Ich you guys are great. Eventhough you guys' responses were fantastic and should be the end of it but I can't resist turning over some chairs in the interrogation room while playing the "bad cop" in the "good cop, bad cop" scenario. You guys of course are the "good cops",LoL. Renee I knew as soon as I started questioning white men on their lack of commitment to black women that it would act as a sort of litmus test. I knew the type black women or women in general that I spoke of in my previous post would come out of the woodwork. Renee you have personified BLUE results for the litmus test; you are truly BASE, LOL. Sleeping with a man for a set amount of days, i.e., YOUR anniversary doesn’t constitute bragging rights. I noticed that it’s not a WEDDING anniversary. Screwing under the same roof isn’t a commitment. Come back and brag when you get your white BOYFRIEND to become your white HUSBAND, LOL. Come back when he commits to you, places you in his will and takes out a decent life-insurance policy because he’s thinking of you even in the event of his death, that’s love and commitment. Not a roll in the hay and a few dinners to celebrate the first day he started using you. You are temporary. Ohhh so, you are one THOSE kinds of women. I would rather be alone until a hundred before I compromise my body, my beliefs or my spirit just so I can say I have someone, LOL. You must not know about me. Ironically, because I carry myself a certain way, THIS way, I’m never alone for long. I attract men because I have worth and carry myself as such( I know you don’t understand because you have never done it, LOL), it’s attractive believe it or not. Don’t let this post make you mad enough to start questioning your white boyfriend about a marriage time-table, because YOU know like I KNOW he will run FROM you, like a hobo running TO a freight train. Now I’M still laughing. Since you BEGGED ME for a response, lol.

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  31.   JustAGuy says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Tricci, You're right about patience. I plead that I just woke up :). But you are absolutely correct. Thanks for the other comment. I too am a writer. Unfortunately, mostly just advertising. But it pays the bills and supports a lot of people. One day I hope to accomplish something more meaningful... most of my family have been politically inclined writers or two sisters who are legal scholars, who concentrate mostly on causes of social justice... although paying the bills and supporting my many families and kids -- especially those of deadbeat dads (is there no end to them? And no color wins on that, either) -- is in itself worthy, I suppose... Be well...

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  32.   TricciNicci says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Thanks Ichibod, I'm just a humble writer...(ok, ok, sometimes not so humble, lol!) but default to such declaration when I can, haha! JustAGuy, please be patient with the dear Renee. RE: I saw something magical happen on another thread here just a few days back...sometimes all it takes is ooooone person who for no other reason than air being breathed, makes that connection. Then, 'poof'! The understanding comes. JustAGuy, this is off topic, but I've been reading your posts and find them quite interesting. Years ago I joined the Census as a enumerator. Most of the people I visited would have missed the Census because of language, age or something like that. Distrust of the government was a big one, lol! The job was a little tedious but helped me pay for school as it payed quite well. One thing I learned and enjoyed about the job were the stories told me by various participants in that knock-a-door experience. Another thing I enjoyed greatly was the mixed culture one would see going into the private environments of many of the households. Your recollections remind me of then. The experience permitted me to deepen my understanding in the way I learned so much about people and how we actually live! More than just time passing and days spent. The grittiness of what makes many of us reach for the next day and live through the lonelier ones because of yesteryear's follies and joys! It takes a little livin' JustAGuy to reach that pendulumed experience, but the telling of it can enrich the lives of many. Thanks.

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  33.   ichibod says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    WOW! The first "Triccinicci" post I felt compelled to read all the way through. That was excellent. She said everything many of us tried to explain to Renee months ago in a awesome way. Besides, her boyfriend told her to stay off of this site. Why did she come back?

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  34.   JustAGuy says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Jeez, I sleep a little late and look at all I miss. Well, Renee, from yet another white guy, who doesn't have enough hair to tie a weave to, even if I wanted to, which I never have... As the saying goes... Don't let the door hit you where the Good Lord split you. It is a little spot of hope in this world that so many of you commented so rationally to this guy's outrage. Alas, there will always be people like him. And is he paranoid or what? Who'd want to take their valuable time to go looking for him? Just another thing he presumes. I've grown quite fond of most of the people who post here. I guess it's a shared vision that one day, some day, we could live in a wold beyond all this stuff. God bless you all and peace to all. May we all make it through another day safely.

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  35.   MOONDOGGIE says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    I WOULD LIKE TO SAY,im white.I left my wife for a blackwomen,no regrets.have no family now ,only what we have for each other.sure people talk. but who cares when your with the one u love. We have r ups and downs just like many of u do.We DON'T see color. WE see love,.happynes, in our life and no one can tell us were wrong.been with each other for 5 years now.She treats me like gold,and the same for her.WE ARE ONE,NOT BLACK OR WHITE,OR ANYOTHER COLOR. I hope someday we all could live with each other with out color .thank you. my first time on here.

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  36.   TricciNicci says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Renee, Renee, Renee...tsk, tsk! Don't you know when you write such things - Justifications for being you - you simply are expressing your deep disdain for who you really are? You've basically faked it so you could make it. The shame is, you probably could have made it anyway, lol! Now I am not laughing at you, but with you because hopefully one day you will look in the mirror and just love yourself for you and only you. You have a pandemic spirit because you feel every white person who looks your way sees nothing but other people of color who you feel "Steal your thunder". So you go out of your way to "show just how different you are". And since you feel most whites don't accept blacks you perpetrate an "exclusive members only" interaction by constantly reminding them and yourself just how "unblack" you are. To amplify this as a solution you perpetrate that every person of African decent who does not modify to your standard is beneath acceptance by other HUMAN BEINGS. Especially the "white" ones since you obviously own the bank on that one. The sad thing is you probably miss the culturalism and spirit of your ethnicity, but again the disdain and apathy you feel whenever interacting with other blacks who are not aloof provokes a stereotypical mentality to conjure up in your brain like witch's brew rising. Come on Renee, where is your humanity to interact by EXAMPLE??? You talk a small self victory that is as minute as an ant's piss, but to what effect? It is almost like watching the clown at the side show laughing at himself, wth? Again, where is your humanity since you are saddened by your association to this blog? You state you don't understand the anger and fussing, but instead of letting this small ray of humanity cause you to ask questions or give an outlook you may possess to permit another angle to view life through, you simply state it becomes fodder for your chuckling times. Hmmmm, my wise mother said there is always more than one way to skin a cat. If you want change, bring it through yourself. As you will get little of merit telling others they need to change as where is yours? Tyra Banks, Naomi Campbell, Oprah, Brittney Spears, Carmen Electra, Jennifer Lopez and probably your next door neighbor all wear weaves. My own sister whose hair is down her back wore them for years. I have never worn a weave and can't even perm my hair, but love wigs. Another sister of mine started this trend because she was able to get her very thick, curly and long mane under a short version. Once I saw she could do this I let my own very thick and shoulder length hair rest beneath a few. My point being is that you are really the one making the fuss because others are having dialogue. Why not be positive by adding positive? You are accusing them for putting forth the effort to have discourse but really are kicking them. Why? Sounds like someone is angry she cannot change the unchangeable and is taking it out on a group of people you feel is responsible. This demeanor is not true, real or effective. God made you who you are so live that beauty through him and not cause injury to those you feel are less fortunate. I CAN say this in comparison of you vs the other bloggers: they are getting further in their self understanding and acceptance of not only others but of themselves, choices they make and support received than someone who actually wants to join in, create a positive dialogue - yet - doesn't know how. This response is not written to "put you down" but in effort you might have opportunity to build yourself up. Through such a process you never know, it just may help someone else. To start, I'd love you to share the beauty of your vacation or special time for your anniversary WITHOUT negative comparisons. Just the simple beauty you saw in what you experienced. No one can take that away from you. I for one would be inspired.

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  37.   Azrazyel says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Thank you. Glad to see you go. Now this blog is back in order without occasional trolls. Anyway...

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  38.   Renee says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    I think I better like get away from here. You people are really just a bunch of angry and jealous... You have nothing better else to do than to make people miserable like yourself. The same people talking the same sad story and man did I make a mistake coming here. I just don't understand all the anger and fussing, but it makes me laugh. Maybe you should go see that movie, "weave" latch some fake hair on and hope that the glue or thread doesn't come out. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Now you can get pissed off. Matter of fact I spotted some weaves on this blog. Go Chris Rock :)

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  39.   Azrazyel says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Renee: Why do you presume so much? Why do you think I am black? Because I argue with you? Let you know, I am as white as powder. Scroll up to the middle of the page somewhere and find out yourself. And I know you want attention so I will leave it as is.

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  40.   Renee says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Don't make false statements, because you are not happy with yourself. Thank you for the compliment... It makes feel so happy. The only thing I have in common with black people is the color of my skin. It is amazing how your so quick to tell a lie. Is that what teach you in the ghetto? Please don't get yourself so worked up over little things. I'm still laughing. Lets just say goodbye and end it here, you really are wasting your time. I guess I have started up some angry black people.

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  41.   Azrazyel says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Comment by Renee: "Oh by the way if you have thoughts on passing any threats… just know that I have easy access to a background check." And this statement is already an epic fail of mass proportions. You state against threats, then threaten with a background check. Yea, as if to be taken seriously. It is better to confess ignorance than provide it.

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  42.   Azrazyel says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Renee, you are one weird character. Aren't you the one who said you we're going to press charges on Mr. Queens? Is it really the black race that passes judgment towards the world? No other race does this???? As if the white race has nothing to do with hardship upon blacks to this day? (Although, I don't condone that as an excuse) You seem to appear once in a while as if to broadcast yourself, albeit I don't know to what extent you're purpose reaches.

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  43.   Renee says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Oh by the way if you have thoughts on passing any threats... just know that I have easy access to a background check. There is no need to to respond to my two cents, because really I'm nobody. Good luck to you all that say bad things to others. Karma can follow you for a life time. Remember that other races love people, it is the Black race that passes judgement towards the world. If you smile... I guarantee others will notice. That is what makes me beautiful...

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  44.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Thanks Justaguy for "getting it" LOL.

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  45.   Renee says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    I think this blog is silly and full of a whole bunch of angry black women that have nothing better else to do than complain. Be happy with who you are, because people in general don't care about what name brand you sport for the day. I personally feel you should talking positive about people, instead you express such jealousy towards other nationalities. That is the reason people just you as, "mad black women" because that is exactly what you are. This blog will never go anywhere except down hill. Hey by the way me and my white boyfriend just had our anniversary and it was wonderful. Good luck to you sad women of the USA.

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  46.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 09

    Justaguy that's exactly what I was saying. I would not want to always see beauty that doesn't necessarily represent me, if I were an average latin woman/consumer. This is a very large world so why is it so difficult to have balanced representation? I think Iman is absolutely gorgeous. Hey, it doesn't hurt that she's married to the legendary, Bowie, lol. Happy Halloween to all the boils and ghouls(ok it's corny but I love Halloween,lol)

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  47.   JustAGuy says:
    Posted: 31 Oct 09

    Oh -- tired afterthought -- I believe Imam accomplished a lot. And I bet it was not an easy path for her. And people had to push to make those things happen. So let's see a little better representing for the Latin Imams... Everyone deserves a fair deal, no? At least, that's what we strive for...

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  48.   JustAGuy says:
    Posted: 31 Oct 09

    Thanks BigEyes. I'll let you know if we get the book finished. Tatted2death, the woman is kind of pretty in her own right. We just think that it's another form of racism to depict Latin women so light-skinned all the time. They range from pale white to black as night, but you rarely see the darker women represented. I've traveled extensively in Latin America, and lived for years in Miami-Dade County, which is over 60% Latin. The women in the Latin beauty pageants and "novellas" are simply not representative, as BigEyes says. It's stereotyping, that's all. Or at least that's what I think... For an ethnicity that's filled with native cultures, like the Mayans, the crosses with the Spanish, Portuguese, and Africans. there are a range of beautiful women who are seemingly purposefully excluded. It's not that we're mad at her, it's just what the image -- so exclusively done -- we don't think is fair. It's like, y'know, they all have "good hair?" Let's be real, that's all. Like BigEyes said, they are intentionally leaving out georgeous women of all colors. It's not the individual event, it's the trend it represents.

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  49.   tatted2death says:
    Posted: 31 Oct 09

    that Latin American Queen winner is really pretty in her own right......why should anyone be mad...seriously??? And their are plenty of African models that get noticed (i.e. Iman....and at her age we should all be proud that she is still doing the dayum thing and looking dayum good whilst doing it)...maybe not at the same rate...but ya know... At times like these I think of that serenity prayer... "things that you can"..."can't change"..."the wisdom to know the difference" Peace and Blessings tatted2death

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  50.   SEWilde says:
    Posted: 31 Oct 09

    Justaguy, You have certainly lived a full life. Welcome. SE

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