Why men cheat...again
Birds do it, bees do it and apparently 1 in 3 men do it. It's not even a shocking revelation any more. But why? Is there anything that we as women can do to prevent it? Are we destined to live our lives with cheatin' men? Not that women don't do their fair share of dirt...this just ain't about that.
The name of the book is "The Truth about Cheating...Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It" by M. Gary Neuman. He was on Oprah last month talking about this new book and the fact that it was inspired by an earlier appearance on her show. I missed that one, but heard about it. The show took place not long after 911 when there were a number of women who had been cheated on by their firefighter husbands with the widows of other firefighters. The author was there to help these wives.
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Mr. Neuman's book says that it's purpose is to help women build a solid marriage. It discusses why and how men cheat, what to do to improve your marriage, healing after the affair and my favorite parts are the statistics. It always amazes me that the numbers can be so far apart. I mean it's mentioned that anywhere between 22-70 percent of married men cheat. Hey, that's the difference between two guys playing a little one-on-one in basketball and a whole damn pro team with two sitting on the bench.
Somewhere in all this research it's been said that around 50 percent of men do it. I'm sure that it's not irony that over half of all marriages end in divorce although the number one reason is NOT because of infidelity. It's always about something else isn't it? The reason men and women cheat, the explanation of why some people find it easier to give up and give in than to try to make things work.
It's somewhat comical to me that I hear a lot of people blaming the Internet for the serge of cheaters. It's only funny because there has been research dating back as far as the early 50's that suggest that nearly one half of married men back then where cheating or had cheated on their wives too. Of course that was a long time before cyber-sex, chat rooms and web cams were even thought about. I'm sure that the creation of the Internet has made finding someone to "do your thang" with a whole lot easier, but it by no means has "made" men do it.
The reality is that these guys, whether it's 2 or 7 out of ten, they are not cheating alone. As the book points out, the days of lying to a woman about being married or unhappy in your relationship is no long required to get a woman in bed.
The other day I was having a conversation with my massage guy (who's married). He tells me this story about one of his co-workers that's been coming on to him. I ask "doesn't she know that you are married", he laughs, "yeah, but a lot of women don't care". I guess that's a whole other article.
This is Leticia, do you, could you, have you, would you? Remember the verse..."do unto others....I get it...do you?"
78 responses to "Why men cheat...again"
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honeybee324 says:Posted: 02 Jan 09I don't think monogamy is "natural", but a result of social and economic conditioning. Marriage exists partly to protect women and offspring from abuse and neglect. Personally, I believe that when we can see love and sex as two completely different functions, it will be easier to take it less personal that someone might desire another person. I find it strange that we can have multiple friends for our habits and hobbies, but only one person with which to be sexual with, as though we are the be all, end all in the bedroom. This does not mean that I agree with cheating behavior. Cheating is lying and that is not acceptable. If people were honest and upfront in the beginning about what they wanted, they just might be surprised with how much their partner will allow.
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Maridoe says:Posted: 31 Dec 08
When these men cheat on their wives are we expecting them to tell us the real reason? They cheat because they can and it's "fun" to hook-up with some strange. I'm just reporting the information I've been given. The new person won't know his history and he okay or she is able to pretend they are someone brand new and in the moment.
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Anonymous14u says:Posted: 31 Dec 08KJ, How about staying young. Women between 19 and 35 have some of the tightest bodies and are usually wrinkle and flab free. Sorry but that's why every man who divorced their wives traded them in for a newer, tighter and sexier model.
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Anonymous14u says:Posted: 31 Dec 08
Most men who cheat have a high sexual appetite for women who they find attractive. A man like this will have sex with any attractive woman if given the opportunity. If you have a man like this, there is nothing you can do to prevent him from cheating on you. Men like this also have a short attention span and no matter how good you look or faithful you are you will still get cheated on... its like a desease, they cant help themselves. Also, most women are often attracted to men like this (the "bad boy") because they are very confident and aggressive, and a woman will blame everyone else for his behavior and remain in denial because she cant resist his sexiness, swagger and style. Women make the mistake of wanting the trap him and make him theirs but this is an excercise in futility. The bad boy can never be tamed! Best advice: Settle for "Good Guy" and even sometimes they cheat too, but its probably a safer choice.
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KJ says:Posted: 29 Dec 08First off, I am not a cheater, and I don't necessarily agree with men (or women, for that matter) who cheat. If you feel the need to cheat, your relationship is already over and it's time to dissolve it (break-up or divorce). So, the best reason I have ever heard for why men cheat came from radio talk show host, Tom Leykis. He offered that there are three simple rules women can follow to KEEP her man's eyes (and other parts) on her. Those rules were: 1) Stay thin, 2) Long hair, and 3) Shut up. Tom is a little blunt, so I'll break down my interpretation of what he was REALLY saying. Stay thin: This one goes without saying. Men are very physical; always have been, always will be. He married you partly because he was attracted to your physical appearance/body style at that time. If you're thin, he likes thin women - so stay thin. If you're chubby, then he likes that - so stay chubby. Otherwise, women who look like what he likes will catch his eyes. I have never understood why women think it okay to gain excess weight once they are married... Common sense should tell them that is not cool. Next, long hair: While myself - and I think a majority of men – do actually prefer long hair, I interpreted this as don't let yourself go in the face/head area either. You're competing with younger, long-haired, clean skinned women as you age. The body is one thing, but men are also attracted to a pretty face. Women will say, "well, short hair is easier to manage". Okay, well that's a trade off! So is smoking... Few men want to be staring into "smoker-face" while you're at it. Tanning is also horrible for your skin! Excess make-up/chemicals can't be too healthy either. Women do horrible things to their face and hair... Just remember, you're competing for his attention with the twenty-something new hires at his office. Lastly, he says to shut up. So this doesn't mean literally don't speak - ever. His advice here is just don't nag the man’s ear off. One of the easiest ways to push a man away is to nag at us. If you have a demand or a request, present it once - and not sooner than an hour after we've gotten home. "Okay" means the request is logged in our mental task folder with your other 500 demands, and we will get to it when we get to it. "Take out the trash!", well that's low-priority. I'll do that when I'm leaving the morning of trash day. When you cross over into nagging, then yeah you're going to push your man into the bed of a woman who doesn't. Men hate nagging! So yeah… Anyway, being a man, I have met/been friends with men who have cheated or who cheat compulsively. The main reason I have heard is basically being denied sex by their girlfriend/wife. I hear a lot of men say that at first when they enter a relationship/marriage with a woman, the quantity and quality of sex is perfect; however, that diminishes exponentially with the duration of that particular union. Some guys have told me that their women start using sex as a "bargaining tool" (I'm not f---ing you again until you do this or that), and then when it does happen, it is blah - at best! I'm not sure what part of this women have not managed to grasp in the past couple of centuries, but men enjoy frequent sex - preferably with an attractive woman. And that leads to the other reason I hear most often, girlfriends/wives do not keep-up their appearances.
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homesteader says:Posted: 22 Dec 08
I see prejudice in your thoughts { sexual } as it takes both a man and a woman to cheat , cheating would be difficult with just one person involved . Women cheat when they have sexual affairs with married men , because some of them are married also and if they know a man is married they are cheating on his wife also . I believe it should be a shared Blame . homesteader
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MrRealMan says:Posted: 21 Dec 08
If women put down the law, they'll most likely find themselves by themselves. Real men don't live by a woman's law... {just though I'll let you know}.
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diva says:Posted: 19 Dec 08
men cheat because they can but i do not put up with i tell men straight up so they can leave with out getting what they deserve .If women put down the law there would be less cheating.
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DVince says:Posted: 18 Dec 08
We was brought up years ago that a man meets a woman, gets married, start a family & live happily ever after. That was back in the 50's when the world was less complex. As the decades progressed, the genesis of women's lib, sexual revolution, expansion of the porn industy, AIDS etc has changed the dynamics of relationships & marriage. Monagamy has been a eroding component in today's society. Males & females are sexually evolving more than ever before & its has become difficult for couples to stay together. Bottom line, people stray because they want something different that their partner does not do & love the "thrill of the chase". It is not a crime to be tempted. It is a sin to give in.
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kenyanito says:Posted: 17 Dec 08I agree with you Katherine that life is all about choices.. Cheating is inevitable where committment is based on lies...you can't have both ways and survive one is bound to fail..and i'd rather be left free to go than have a cheating partner
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onlyotter says:Posted: 16 Dec 08
I feel sorry for men after a conversation I've had with one. Seems as though their mind gives them mental images all day. My friend said he could be working on a major project at work with all men, noone saying to one another and a mental image of a woman he saw about a year ago will just pop up in his mind for no reason. He said it happens to them all day, everyday to boot. Now, if your mind is geared to do this naturally, how do you fight off advertisements, the hoochie walking down the street, or the office tramp from commanding your imagination? It must be a very strong man (or woman) who can resist temptation. Now the question is not what can a woman do to stop it, the question is how can a man build himself up enough mentally that he doesn't do it at all.
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Katherine says:Posted: 16 Dec 08
Life is about choice. When two people make a commitment to each other, then both should hold up their end of the bargain. If there is something keeping the individual unhappy it needs to be addressed. If you don't want your partner or are confused, set them free!
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Jabali says:Posted: 06 Dec 08"Blind men don't cheat!" Lol @ MRREALMAN. That has to be the best one I've heard all week...;-)But I think I see where you are going with your comment and that is all the general views that people have developed over the years i.e. men cheat women don't cheat, men are visual, women are not is all a bucnh of bull....! I totally agree.
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MrRealMan says:Posted: 03 Dec 08
(Part2 - Men's guilty role.) Men cheat because women are irresistible and men are weak. Men are very visual and women are very pleasing to the eye. Blind men don't cheat. A woman's beauty can be a blessing, but at the same time it can be a curse. It's beauty that attracted him to her, but it's also beauty that attracted him to the other woman. Men cheating is nothing new. It has alway been and it will go on until the last day. Even good pussy doesn't stop men from cheating. It can slow a man down, but curiosity and lust for the other woman is stronger. But truth be told, not all men cheat. There are still a few good men out there... somewhere. For all the women who have a man who doesn't cheat, good for you. For the rest of you women looking for the cure - good luck. Love Peace & Happiness. Ya boy
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MrRealMan says:Posted: 03 Dec 08
(Part1- Women's guilty role.) LUST is the reason why man cheat. After all, we do live in a VERY lustful world. It's hard for a man to stay focus on one woman when there are so many sexually apealling women out there. Women don't make it any easier for a man either. It's very fashionable in our society for women to dress whorish; with their tight little pants and short skirts. Women are too blind to see their guilty role in all this. I'm not [completely] blaming women, but they do play a part in the lustfulness in our society. You can't dress whorish and expect there not to be any backlash. Muslim women are sometimes criticized for their dress code, but any respectable woman should cover her body and leave her private parts, private. No need to flunt your body around for the wholeworld to see. Then you wonder why men cheat. Why do you women dress sexy anyway? All it does is make you more attractive and apealling for men to want to persue you and sex you. So ladies, the next time you think about putting on a short skirt, or having your thong showing in the back, think about how you are potentially contributing to a man cheating.
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MRLEES says:Posted: 02 Dec 08Lovers can avoid "cheating" by not lying, no bragging, no questionings of the 3rd degree,Don't be selfish, Keep good manners, Be descret and listen twice as much as you talk, Never raise your voice as a weapon and not only should you remember her birthday, But that of her Mom's as well. Inter-act with her family. Be generious and fair with her. Please bathe regularly, Keep up your hygene and appearences as it won't be so noticable when you go on your outtings. Starting dating your wife, She still likes McDonald's, little love notes, ice cream and music. Keep up your FICO score. Run the wash and fold it on the sofa in front of the TV, She'll start putting it away before you finish folding. If you run her some bath water you'll get an offer but don't use it tonight, Just lotion her back and brush your teeth. Get a sting mope with a wringer-bucket and get behind her when she sweeps, Not all the time but do help her just a little bit everyday. Clean the shower and tub and make some happy noise to draw her attention to your deeds, Let her see you sit down and piss. Make a big production out of ridding junk mail from from the living quarters. Ask her if she needs "any" of it. Put a $1.00 candy bar and single flower on her side of the bed, Say something nice and encouraging when she feeling down. Make her laugh just before you leave on your mission, And make a date to do an unpleasant household chore with her in the nude. Promise her that you'll be back! Call her and tell her about the $5.00 earrings you left under her pillow, But tell her she can't look until her bedtime and you'll see her later. Call her Dad and thank him for having her and giving her to you, Threat these calls like business calls, direct and to the point. You can do this while driving. Do go home and give her some form of pleasure that does not envolve your sexual pleasure as you have had yours already anyway. Send your lover away and alone, And you keep the kids, Give the kids off to the Grands or other trusted ones, Go get some honey from your wife you sent on retreat. But you should make the resevations. Wine, flowers and note in room at check-in a must. Learn to cook if you don't know how, bang your teacher, Learn to pot plants, bang the Horticoltrist, Learn to dance and have some great sex while at it. Buy your wife a new CD. Dance naked with her and have better sex. If you change your ways and treat your wife and or lover special, You could stand behined and fuck a Rhino on the front lawn and she'd gladly hold it's head for you. The only reason people cheat is because they are unwilling to do the things that make cheating ok with the cheatee. AND,,, Remember your manners, One good deed deserves another, Because she to gets bored with the same old thing and likes a little bit on the side from time to time too. Your Lady should not be spoiled, But she should be well taken care of. Don't do her girl friends or her family members. Her girl friend's girl friends is quite plentiful. Don't mess with the Pastor's family, The Ushers and Chiore is enough, Leave the nieghbor's wife alone, His and her sisters will do nicly, Not to mention their daughters of proper age. If you must do some cheating to make your life great,,, Do it with some honor and grace. If you are forced to lie, Then man up and stick to your lie, Don't ever waver as this will not do anyone any good at all. You might be tempted to tell the truth, She might say to you,,, "If you just tell the truth,,, It'll be alright,,, Just tell the truth" Remember!!! K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid)" and stick to your original simple lie with nothing extra added. If the subject is constantly brought up and unresolved after two descussion,,, Don't raise your voice when it resurfaces and say,,, I'm through trying to convience you and don't ever in life speak on this matter under any circumstances. Say nice weather we're having lately and nothing more and don't change your attitude or your ways, If you're been doing her feet keep doing her feet, You should "Keep Sweet" and don't fuss and don't try to defend yourself, Just "Keep Sweet" Run the bath even if she don't use it, Wash and fold the clothes, Get a bucket and mop, Don't change your game, She curses you, You show her more love and watch you manners. Give her more eartime, Let her babble and vent. When she sick and tired of being sick and tired she'll give in to you, You and her will have a very very passionate love session and and afterwards she'll make one last attempt to get the truth out of you and you'll even start to feel closer to her, You'll feel weak and helpless, By now even you are thinking "It'll be alright if I just told the truth." This is really the time to man up! Stick to your lie! It's a good thing you K.i.S.S-ed, Becaused you can't remembered back that far and no sense in having to auger a point with a breathing lie detector. Don't get brave and agressive and loud, Keep Sweet kiss her goodnite and check go into the hotel and call a lover for some hotter sex and skip work tomorrow. When she ask your reason for you not being at work, Don't say a word take her to the mirro and point. Eat your dinner with yes and no conversation, Don't find fault and blame for last night, Don't even talk about today's missed work. She is about you making your paper and isn't going to do nothing to mess that up again soon, don't allow her to seduce you to night, But do keep Sweet, Besides you need your rest. Don't feed into an agument, Calm yourself and don't raise your "Man Voice" A battle of words is something you can never win. If you have to put some clothes in a bag and sit it on the floor. Don't say a word, just put it there! You should bathe and go to bed. The bag is for the car only. Leave it in there for psychological advantage. Let her see you take it out in the morning, But don't threaten anything, Go to work come home as always, Put a few more things in another bag to be left at work. Do Take a suit with dress shoes and make no threats. Keep Sweet. Keep doing everthing as always, Say nice stuff and say it with meaning not meaness. Now she has your support and Love and you have clothes and shoes where you need them and this bothers her to the core of her being. Don't you dare start feeling powerful. That's the reason you've been grooming her Mom And Dad, Let them be your power after all they raised her and want her happy and can put a stop to it PDQ and while they spend time with her,You can spend time with her friend's friend. Don't never raise "even" your voice, Govern yourself accordingly, Talk with her but never never never fight her with words, She's a bonafide litigator by natural design. Keep Sweet and she'll tell her friends who'll tell their friends before you meet them. When you see her friend's friend skinning their teeth you'll know the deal, So say something sweet when you greet and say something nice to your wife's lady friend. Don't get fresh with either woman, Just smile and wink, Make sure your lady's friend not see your flirting. Absent mindedly leave a small stack of your business cards behind and the women will do the rest for you. Hands off the first friend no matter what though, This woman is your ally but she don't know it yet. Be charming and have some current topic of woman consern or invent one ask their openions on the matter, LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN with both ears, They will be very anxious to hear your spin on things after they have firmly stated their veiwpoints. Don't tell them anything today. Excuse yourself and tell them you're sorry for starting something you can't possibly finish today. Exit in a rush as you give the excuse of having something to do for your wife and her Mom as you leave in a great haste. Go see what they need,They will be quized and you'll look so darn good when friend calls your lady and turns arourd and tell her friend the news. Don't be suprised when you only get back eight of ten cards. When you do get the cards back say something flattering about your allie's friend. If you must "cheat" Keep Sweet.
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MRLEES says:Posted: 02 Dec 08
Lovers can avoid "cheating" by not lying, no bragging, no questions of the 3rd degree, don't be selfish, Keep good manners, Be descret and listen more than you talk and when you talk, Never raise your voice as a weapon and not only should you remember her birthday, But that of her Mom's as well. Inter-act with her family. Be generious and fair with her. Please bathe and keep up your hygene and appearances up. Starting dating your wife, She still likes McDonald's, little love notes ice cream and music. Keep up your FICO score. Run the wash and fold it on the sofa in front of the TV, She'll put it away. Get a sting mope with a wringer-bucket and get behind her when she sweeps. Clean the shower and tub, Let her see you sit and piss, Make a big production out of ridding junk mail from from the living quarters, Put a $1.00 candy bar and single flower on her side of the bed, Say something nice and encouraging when she feeling down, Make her laugh just before you leave on your mission, Promise her that you'll be back! Call her and tell her about the $5.00 earrings you left under her pillow, Then tell her you'll see her after awhile. Call her dad and thank him for having her, and giving her to you, Threat these calls like business calls, direct and to the point. You can do this while driving. Send your lover away and alone, And you keep the kids, give the kids off to the grands or other trusted ones, Go get some honey from your wife. Learn to cook if you don't know how, Bang your teacher, Learn to pot plant, bang the instructor, Learn to dance and have some great sex while at it. Buy your wife a new CD. Dance naked with her and have better sex. If you change your ways and treat your wife special your could fuck a Rhino on the front lawn and she'll gladly hold it's head for you. The only reason people cheat is because they are unwilling to do the things that make cheating ok with the cheatee. AND,,, Remember your manners, One good deed deserves another, Because she to bets bored and likes a little bit on the side from time to time.
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jpro says:Posted: 02 Dec 08
This one is tried and proven. Cheating is not gender specific and when women get real about the issue the direction that we all need take will make a positive turn....women cheat as well and there are probably more women cheating than men if the given numbes out here are near correct... For what ever reason many women live outside of reality when it comes to female issues of accountability and cheating and promiscuity lead the way.
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whurr says:Posted: 01 Dec 08I'm taking notes....nothing worse then gettign involved with an angry woman who uses phrases like 'all men cheat' and 'my man cheated in last relationship'. My pen is running out of ink. Women NEVER cheat....that should be next article. 'Why Women NEVER Cheat' Women will make it clear when they been cheated on. They will analyze it. Dudes are not going to come forward and admit to it. Its such a loaded question for any research. Its like asking people 'Are you great in the sack?'
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Jabali says:Posted: 28 Nov 08
I may be wrong, but I think men cheat for the same reasons that women cheat, you know, lack of sexual satisfaction, emotional neglect, cruelty, downright selfishness (on the cheater's part) stuff like that. If someone is cheating on you, whether it's a man or a woman, you may need to check yourself too unless of course, it is the cheater's fault.
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Wolf says:Posted: 26 Nov 08Any discussion of extra-relationship sex has to differentiate between the reasons for and the types of cheating. Unfortunately in this country, idiotic religious sentiment has colored our thinking and poisoned the waters of serious discussion on sex. Only childish lack of reason leads people to buy into the Ten Commandment lunacy about adultery. There is no god, no commandment..... most cheating occurs because biologically we are programmed to have sex, and that's that. The efforts at civilizing the baser instincts of humans is still a rather immature project; we've only been living in literate societies for a few milennia. That's a relatively short time to root out the biological behaviors. Feminists may refute that and say what they will, but men are men, men are the sexual aggressors of the species, and the penis reacts to things no matter what the emotional situation the man may be involved in. Certainly, men do not HAVE to act on an impromptu erection, but that's the starting point for understanding 'cheating.' A guy -- or a woman -- who scores a quicky with a stranger with no, absolutely no, residual emotional component may have cheated, technically speaking, but he has not set out to intentionally undermine the emotional state of his existing long-term relationship. A man who cruises the streets and bars looking to score, when he has deliberately deceived his partner into believing he's not doing this, has a moral problem when it comes to maintaining trust in a relationship. (And yes, atheists can have morals, but morals ungrounded in religious nonsense.) The bigger problem is that we've deceived ourselves, with the help of Hollywood and the Dr. Phils of the world, that 'true love' and other childish notions ought to be the goal of everyone's life. Humans are nothing more than hairless apes still learning what distinguishes them from the rest of the animal kingdom. (And we find out, more and more, that is isn't very much at all.) The childish emotional attachments we place on relationships do nothing but drag us down neurotic, self-defeating paths of misunderstanding. The sooner we realize that it will be thousands of more years until we've begun to successully meld modern thinking with primordial instinct and have modern moral sensibilities begin to finally overwhelm the instinct. Ladies, a serial, purposeful cheater is a bad guy. A guy who gets head in the broom closet at work after the new intern walks by and winks at him is not trying to leave you behind. He's just a guy with a functioning penis who spent five minutes relieving an urge. (And guys, if your wife did the winking and the kneeling.... ditto.) Can we get over ourselves and grow up now?
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Member says:Posted: 26 Nov 08
I lived with a cheater and know the hurt that cheating causes. Because I did not raise a fuss about the cheating,it was assumed that I did not know. I worked every day, took care of our children, took care of all of the housework, this included all yard work. When our children were grown, I decided enough was enough! After almost 40 years, with the last spent tell my partner that their action continued, I would leave. I finally divorced him. After the divorce he still tried to play around with other women while trying to convince me that he had quit. I started checking him every movement and found him still cheating. I refused to have anything else to do with him. He is a broken man today. I am happy in my aloneness and very pleased that I did not stoop to his level by cheating!
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AZAdventure says:Posted: 24 Nov 08
Oh right, I forgot to mention that my first wife cheated on me. After a year of counseling, I offered her the choice of swinging (having other partners on purpose) or getting divorced. She chose divorce. Now I find myself at the threshold of 50 with a spouse who is literally "done" with her sexuality. Mine is still in fine stride. What do I do? Focus on other things? Tough to do when you go to sleep and wake up to a woman whom you love, but just isn't "into it". Sex had been a big part of our intimacy. It isn't that way now. Our intimacy comes from planning our lives together, and caring for our aging parents and growing children. Sex is something that some people can easily separate. It was hard for me, but necessary. The women I have dated this year feel the same way, or we wouldn't have gotten together. So it's not just a guy thing. It's a human thing. Sexual intimacy is a need like air, water, and sleep. Some need more than others, but the mystiques and taboos we have built up around it are really causing this problem. Let's set the expectation differently. I am teaching my children to build relationships that last by understanding that humans aren't perfect so a relationship isn't likely to be either. They can do their best by associating themselves with people who can agree on a common set of ethics and boundaries and are willing to work at it. Thanks for the thought provoking article!
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Coolie says:Posted: 24 Nov 08
Cheating-cheating,whats new if not old,its always been there and i hate to think this but it will never end...talking bout men and women cheating,hey wakeup if ur sleeping women cheat and cheat like a (running cheaters)its not only men that do it-its just that its suite them best and maybe not women that much or maybe is it becoz of their feminity-NO! People just need to be I dont know whether to use the word faithfull-but again i think that applies when you married...anyway its hard to stop cheating once you've started its hard to end - at times even feels like you hooked....could merely say its like sum drug....but truth is 1 partner at a time
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Jerry says:Posted: 24 Nov 08
I don't understand why all the articles or pieces on cheating focuses on the man, and makes it look like WE are the bad ones all the time. Its been shown several times that women cheat just as much as men and in some surveys MORE than men. Why? Because people choose to point fingers at the guy, and the woman slips quietly out the back door, fixes her hair, and acts innocent.
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Randy says:Posted: 23 Nov 08
Both parties are guilty in cheating the one who cheats and the one who is cheated on. If they spent the time to develop the relationship outside of sex and a few good times then maybe when the tests come the damn thing wouldn't go to pieces. Stop blaming men, women cheat as well and the same thing happens in gay/lesbian relationships. You need two to cheat, mess up relationships and all that other noise.
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phil66 says:Posted: 22 Nov 08
Men from the beginning of time have had more than one woman, if ever they could afford to care for em.Monogamy is a christian concept that has been deeply engraved into our psyche and we only try so hard to abide by the rules.It is not any different from the jungle where a strong Lion controls a pride with several females.The fact that Man's intellectual abilities are superior than most other animals does not negate the fact that we are still animals.
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thekid47 says:Posted: 22 Nov 08The question is, why people are not faithful in their relationships, not simply why 'men' cheat, because he is with another man, he is with a woman. But their are people who cheat on both sides. I personally, do not cheat-never have nor will I. Monogamy is not unreasonable, my parents have been married happily, for over 57 years, I know people who have been married for 60 years-they do not do it-I have no reason to not believe them when they tell me this, when I have asked about what it takes to have a happy marriage. Amazingly to me, in reading the responses to articles on interracial dating, to male/female relationships-man their are a lot of curious responses-it is a wonder that people get or have a authentic relationship at all.
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AZAdventure says:Posted: 21 Nov 08
People cheat because monogamy is such a completely unreasonable standard. Especially for those of us who grew up as serial monogamists in the 70's and 80's, getting married is a huge let down. The two people who can continue to satisfy each other sexually, emotionally, spiritually and in every other was required for monogamy are rare indeed. It is an antiquated notion that I, personally, am done with. Sadly, many people who stand in judgment of me for being honest will find out for themselves the truth of this. What makes me saddest is that we will probably continue to perpetuate this practice and many people will spend their lives in misery rather than break the vow. Many will be miserable because they let their partner, whom they love, down. After 20 years of marriage and 5 years of counseling, I have re-taken the part of me that needs something else. My partner still enjoys the good life and I don't bother her with the details. Is it ideal? No, far from it, but then, for us, marriage isn't ideal either.
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Crimsonauburn says:Posted: 21 Nov 08What happened to the good old day when woman had morals and would not open their legs to any man? I am sorry if this will offend many women, for many women cheat nowadays, just as many as men do, but I think that women forgot their self respect a long time ago. My mama used to say, if women would not open their legs so freely , men would not have someone to "cheat" with! I did not believe her back then, but I sure do now! I have seen women, entice men who are with their women, right in front of their faces. We are a society who lack morals, and respect, but yet we expect to be respected in relationships. I think that women should try to go back to being the women of their mother's times, instead of the free sexual spirits they have become now, and let men work to have their hand, rather than to give them their booty so freely. Men dont even have to take women to dinner anymore, or court them, for it is right up in their face when they want or need it. Then you want to know why men cheat.. tell all your sisters to stop cheating with men who are taken or married, and maybe half of the problem will disappear. And I must say, I am ashamed to be in the sisterhood of women sometimes, for I have seen many women cheat on great men, for some excitement to their lives, and lose their children. Women, make that excitement alive at home, work at it a little more, rather than to go out and look for it elsewhere.
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Vicky says:Posted: 21 Nov 08
This is a very Nice article. i like it. What i can suggest is that most men do not have a good reason to cheat on thier wives .The fact remains that they are never satisfied with what they already have and just want to explore all women who attract them. There is less a woman can do to prevent a man from cheating if he wants to do it. African men are the worst in cheating of course.
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Douglas1957 says:Posted: 20 Nov 08When are relationship experts going to realise that there are WOMEN who cheat,WOMEN who lie & WOMEN who engage in wrong,hurtful & inexcusable behavior just as men do, and start writing about it? Is it fear of offending feminists? political correctness,or is it that anti-male sexism means more book sales for the authors & higher ratings for the daytime TV talk shows?
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Richard says:Posted: 20 Nov 08
Full heartly agree with the comments of both MRLEES and SHELONTA. In order to tackle any issue, you need to bare it from it's sentiments and social blabla (like: talk to a person casually and ask him/her what he or she wants and you more often than not get their real wishes - Now ask it around December or iwth a camera and you get the "peace on earth and good health jibber) Same with cheating, we keep talking about men cheating, disregarding that the number of women doing this is equal if not larger. Why it happens ... cause it feels good and is in a homo sapiens gens ... do cheaters cheat to hurt their partner...well this doesn't even come into play untill after the event...we should really let go of this one man, one woman mantra (cause how else can we explain that if a relationship has ended....somehow most people encounter someone else and can again have a meaningfull and deep emotional and loving relationship.
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Karla says:Posted: 20 Nov 08
Cheating is or infidelity is exciting and invigorating, especially if your current relationship is stale. I don't consider it cheating if they are not married to each other; it's exploring your interests.
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Anonymous says:Posted: 19 Nov 08
The main reason people cheat is because they're not willing to wait to have the experiences they need before commiting themselves to a relationship. Then when they find that their significant other is lacking something that is of interest to them, they secretly search for it in other people. Thus changing the dynamics of the relationship they're in by giving this new person their emotional and mental strength. Ex: My fiancee and I are exploring our sexual boundaries. I recently found that he has an interest in things that gay men do. I only found this out because while exploring his body, i ran across and aroused area that shouldn't have been. Had I stopped, I wouldn't have had the opportunity to see and the things he allowed afterward. Had he explored these desires before commiting himself to me I wouldn't be afraid now that he doesnt know what his sexuality is.
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Member says:Posted: 19 Nov 08
Listen,I used to date this woman from Patterson NJ for 6 months.She had too much baggage plus I almost cheated on her when she had drama exhusband.It got to the point that I decided to test the waters when she didn't get her shit together.
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Member says:Posted: 18 Nov 08
its because of our wifes.im an a good example.there is no more love in our relationship
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Alexis says:Posted: 18 Nov 08This really hits home. My ex-husband was a cheater and the internet made it that much easier. All it took was a few lies and women would throw themselves at him.
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deke247 says:Posted: 18 Nov 08When your significant other becomes another "object" in your life, like your boss or your buddy, you might be tempted to cheat, Especially if the other woman is attractive and/or seems to listen to your problems a lot better. Other than that, it's cheating men who don't value sex as a relationship importance or they don't value the woman they're with. Guys...Quit Cheating! It makes it harder for me to Date!!!
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tomtom says:Posted: 17 Nov 08
Monogamy is an oxymoron. let's face it. Modern marriage needs a total overhaul in the face of the abundant, zero-consequence sex brought buy contraception and cheap condoms. marriage today = serial monogamy, single parents feeling inadequate, broken hearts, etc etc. Maybe its time for an multiple versions of marriage contracts- e.g marriage for the sake of raising kids only, or marriage for just companionship etc etc modern society sticking to its Christian concept of monogamous marriage is playing the ostrich.
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Dan says:Posted: 17 Nov 08I cheated once but it had nothing to do with the great wife I had. The problem was me I had a whole fantasy thing going on that I didn't deal with before or during my marriage. So when the oppurtunity came I was bound to do it. It made me take a good look at myself and ask whats wrong with me? I think decent people (men and women) never expect to cheat, but some internal issue rears its ugly head, and when the oppurtnity arises, baaam you're there cheating. Personally, I was so full of guilt and felt so crap that I never even went near that bridge again. The worse thing is now something in my life has happened and she cant be a part of and that makes me sad
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MRLEES says:Posted: 14 Nov 08
Why do people cheat? Because the whole thing is good to you even though it may not be good for you. For this reason 50% cheat and the other 50% lie about it. Married or not.
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Shelonta says:Posted: 13 Nov 08
I would say that I have read the enire article and I loved it. I truly respect it and I understand also as a woman why men cheat. Men have been what society calls "adultrous". Since the beginning of time(Adam and Eve in the garden, kicked out) get it....well anyway, I believe that is where it all began. I do not want to start a church discussion, but it is what it is. I think that what actually what we as a society have chosen to accept is that there should be one woman and one man. Biblically speaking, that has not happened....still waiting....and I know that I would be for a long time. I do not codone cheating but, I just think that when men and women seek other sexual relationships outside of their initial relationship that it should not be taken lightly but understood. Maturity consists of adults communicating with one another. In today's society we do not see that or should I say "hear" that. If we truly listen to one another and respect each other and LOVE, then we would not be on this website responding to a post in conjunction with a book relating to cheating. We do not need scientific research on the fundamentals of so called cheaters. Also, men are not the only people with the statistics dating back to the 50's with 50% of the advantage. Women were of the same caliber. Let's not beat up on man because he got caught. Remember, according to the "Word" the woman fell first and with man loving her supposedly, he decided to fall too. With me being a woman and with all of this said, I am going to say in closing that if and when you meet someone do not expect to be the only one in that person's life and loins. If you keep this keen thought in your mind throught your life and your relationship then you have no reason to be upset. Quietly within yourself judge every mate by the potential of this and do NOT let them know. Then, you will come to understand and appreciate the fact that you will not be the only person that the person in which you are with will love with the potential of excurricular activities. I am not saying approve of infidelity, I am literally saying understand it for what it is, take precautions and keep living. This is the WORLD we live in. ENJOY!
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tdrom says:Posted: 12 Nov 08
I don't advocate cheating at all. But I could understand the dynamics behind it. And that's why I don't know how cheating even exists! You have feeling life could be bit better when you meet someone who's totally what you're into, and the partner at home/work is not. You've either been with the partner you're with for too long or you're just tied to seeing that person in that way and cannot continue to see them through colored glasses. Or possibly, you have changed as a person, and no longer desire what you used it. But please, for whatever reason to cheat, and its excuses, its just a way of not dealing with life accordingly. My thing is, if you're interested in someone else for whatever whim it may be, be honest with yourself and cut off ties before you date someone else. Its simple! If you're meant to be with the person you dumped to get the new person, it will be. Until then, don't be surprise and hurt that you're partner hates you or brought you a disease, and both people in the relationship are cheating, when the simple thing to do was to end it. Having your cake and eating to is just plain sloppy and gets people fat and unhealthy =) (Based on the cake, people. Get it?)
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rae56 says:Posted: 09 Nov 08I think there's a lot of ego and imaturity involved in cheating, on both sides of the fence. I've seen far too many men with loving wives at home, who are out running around cheating. Many of these are the men who claim their wives don't listen and support them... GET OVER IT! She she parenting your children, cooking, and cleaning house after working all day herself. If the men were at home taking on their share of the responsibity in parenting and housework, they'd be too tired to run around with anyone else. The same holds true with women who have too much time on their hands. Many of the women that I know of who have affairs, have husbands who take on the role of housewife and nurturing parent, leaving the woman too much free time and feeling neglected. Put on your big girl panties and become a responsible adult!
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helene says:Posted: 07 Nov 08
hi there a good article what i ask myself is this i have been dating black men al my life sinds my first date until my last lover, been married for 10 jears had too kids left him eventually because of cheating but do you think black men cheat more often then white men do? ofcourse all men cheat i know that but sometimes i get the idea it seems that way.
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laughsailor says:Posted: 07 Nov 08I knew an ex-call girl who told me men cheat primarily because they are emotionally neglected or abused and only secondarily from denial of sex. She had men who would just want her to really listen, understand, sympathize and support them because they couldn't get that from their wives. Emotional abuse can lead to cheating in those without a decent and strong moral fiber or divorce for those with self-respect. I think a true team spirit and romantic, sympathetic outlook are ways to avoid going down this road. Too many have relationships that are me versus you, instead of wholly us-oriented.
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I'm not so sure that more men cheat than women, but perhaps men are more honest in these "surveys." I'm sure many men will agree that there were times they couldn't get the attention of a woman for anything... until they were with another woman. Why does it seem that a man in a relationship is more desirable to a woman than an available man? Then, why would he act on the attention at all? We are torn between our natural desire to "mate" with whomever is available and our more conservative need to be loved and grow old together. unfortunately, many people lack the strength, tenaticy, and courage to enter into and remain in monogamous relationships. Learning to communicate, and specifically, developing the art of LISTENING is key to any healthy relationship. We should not look for someone to "complete" us either. Complete youself, and seek someone to compliment who you are!