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White man wants to leave his wife to date black women

Posted by Sidney, 23 Jun

So this White guy has been married to his wife who is White. Problem is, he has always been attracted to Black women and now he aint feeling his wife at all. Yes, he loves her but the attraction has gone down the drain. He is contemplating leaving his wife for a Black woman. So why did he get married to a White woman if he has always been attracted to and wanted to date Black women? Read the note that Christelyn Karazin of BeyondBlackandWhite got from the guy.

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"Hi Cristylen, I’m in a predicament and could use your advice. I'm a 34 year old white male fairly fit. I'm a special education teacher and I’m married with a white woman with a one-year-old son. I love my son and my wife but we shouldn’t have married. I have always been attracted to black women and I don’t have a lot of people that can relate to my problem. My first real relationship was with a black girl and ever since I was hooked lol. I still stay in contact with her. My parents are European immigrants and they didn’t approve of our relationship and forced me to end it. I regret it every day. I’m from Southern California but moved to Northern California. My wife and I were good friends and we were lonely. She is much older than me and she wanted to have a baby really bad and was told by the doctor that she had a 2% of getting pregnant and low and behold we have our son. I love my son. He’s funny and adorable. My wife was born in 1973 and I was born in 1980. We get along for the most part but we have vast different interests and personality. I have never been attracted to her and she always knew that. She had gastric bypass surgery after being obese and after losing most of the weight she has excess skin everywhere, refuses to have the surgery to remove it, she’s still overweight and rarely exercises. She has a full time job and earns more than I do. She has a lot on her plate and I do help with our son. While studying for my teaching credential she supported me morally and even financially once but I have paid her back. We have a zero sexlife and we’ve been to council in which didn’t help. My parents really like her and I don’t want to disappoint. I also don’t want to break up this marriage which might have a negative effect on my sons life. My wife and I argue more now than ever before. We both go to church which is obviously against divorce. We are suffering and don’t know what to do."

Having read his note, all I can say is: If he didn't give into the pressure from his parents, he wouldn't be in this dilemma. Should he stay for the kid? Well here is Christelyn's advice:

What do you think? If it were you, what would you do?

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30 responses to "White man wants to leave his wife to date black women"

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  1.   Xanerchek says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 15

    Children are only happy when their parents are...no matter if they are together or not. Been there, done that.

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  2.   sagitt45 says:
    Posted: 08 Nov 15

    I couldn't help myself, but I had to comment! I have dated a couple of white guys who were in this same dilemma and were much older than this gentleman. They chose to remain married to their white mates and had wonderful years together raising families, but there had always been or an attraction to Black women developed and remained an exclusive preference following their divorces. When questioning their preferences, their explanations centered around the taboo in the '60s & '70s, due to the intolerable tensions of racism and pressures in their homes. Other explanations were Black women are more affectionate, resilient, and sensual, which were qualities lacking in their marriages to make them feel loved. I also hear that Black women stick by their men through thick and thin, when their wives only want them to provide the lavish lifesyles, the kids, (American Dream per se), then they become roommates. If this gentleman's reasoning is based on unconditional love and not just the sexual and physical attributes of a Black woman, then I would tell him to follow his heart and be ready to face the consequences.....no matter what, because by not living as your authentic self, your life will be miserable. You have to find your happiness, before you can give it to others. Start within, first!

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  3.   pebbles_2u says:
    Posted: 30 Oct 15

    If he wants to leave let it be for because it is not working. However. most people will not leave unless he has another branch to hold on to. Men dont to the solo well after being married. Trust. he has something more substancial up his sleeve.

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  4.   sincere2011 says:
    Posted: 26 Oct 15

    This is so rough on this gentleman... He has to live his own life not his parents. If he's unhappy that child is going to be unhappy, with all the drama. That child will not learn love in a unloving household. He really needs to leave this marriage. Not for the Black woman but for himself and his child own good.

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  5.   Ms.mingming says:
    Posted: 14 Oct 15

    Please leave now. Staying in this relationship will not only hurt you but in the long run it will hurt your child. Do it now while the child is young but still be a father to him. Don't stay in something where you not HAPPY. I disagree with Christelyn STRONGLY.

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  6.   respect1st says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 15

    I believe he needs to leave cause in the long run all the fighting will effect the child more child imitate their parents actions coparenting is great they'll be awesome friends and parents

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  7.   gloriadelmar says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 15

    If I was in a place where was man for other race, have instance attraction and I want date just man in my race, but I was not attracted to them, so start date white man and always we have a nice connection, but my family force me to marry a black man but never was happy, so I end my married, because I realize life is to shore to waist try to please others

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  8.   CHERISHUS says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 15

    The point is love has no color and I am fed up with other people living their life for the world and their disapproval. He can stay in that marriage and make them both miserable. Are he can do what's right and go find the woman who he truly loves and be happy. After all he has one life to live. I am a Christian woman who don't believe in divorce. But let's be real here some of these marriages we put together ourselves. Love comes in all colors . That's why God created us different. I say follow your heart and do what is right.I also feel you all are living a lie by pretending to be happy. Go be happy for real .

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  9.   Cyperhoney5 says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 15

    I would follow my heart. I grew up in a family where my f-taher was for bitten to be with me primarily because he was white and secondly because he was married to someone else. It affected me so, and when I graduated .from college with a master's degree he came to see me and my mom. I do remember him as a child coming to see me though. She my mom even told me he was half white, it wasn't true he was part Dutch and Italian and my mom was black.Telling the child that he loves him and his mom and someone else is not easy to do, but necessary! The heart doesn't lie, the heart wants what the heart wants. Eventually he will become ill from this, if he does not act on it and be with whom he loves, I know I married a man because my mom liked him, yet I became attracted in later life to men like my father, whte! and so I separated from the black husband and now I happily date white men!

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  10.   jcmusicman says:
    Posted: 03 Sep 15

    I hope he finds answers and not just from Cristylen. Although I don't like divorce myself nor think its an honorable decision. From my perspective if he is even thinking that divorce is his only option. I would always suggest going to counselling with his wife either with in there church with another married couple or professionally. It seems they are not communicating about the important things and him asking a stranger for advice on his marriage isn't a good start overall. And if at the end of all that is shared, they cant grow together in there marriage. Then they should not force anything on each other and go there separate ways. Entering into a marriage for the wrong reasons in my opinion as well is never a good thing and this is a good example of that. That is too common these days and its disheartening. But again this is just my perspective.

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  11.   zazzone says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 15

    He needs to make up his mind what he wants. If he stays there is nothing there and it would cause trouble for the child later on in life. Seen too many stay in a situation like this. He needs to go now and not later so that it won't be too much on the child.

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  12.   Loztaz says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 15

    As for the kid should stay with his mum but the guy should help with the upkeep..he can easily dissolve the marriage n get the love life he feels comfortable with....love is personal feelings n no one should decide what your heart loves....his parents did a big mistake but he is still young...

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  13.   Andrealindy says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 15

    Christelyn's advice is spot-on!

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  14.   raya31088 says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 15

    Do what makes you happy. Your son will eventually see you unhappy and may feel it's his fault for keeping you in that. You can still have a great relationship with your son and his mom after a divorce. I know plenty of divorce people that have great friendships and yes there are some who have sour relationships but you've already stated you do live her. You are just not in love. You should quit while you are still young and can make things happen with someone else... Perhaps the girl you were/are talking to on the side ;) good luck and be happy!

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    • Sexy4uonly says:
      Posted: 21 Aug 15

      I agree. He deserves to be happy

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    • Mosiah7 says:
      Posted: 23 Aug 15

      I have a feeling that the answers from sistas here would be entirely different if it was a black man trying to leave his black wife for a white woman because he's "always been attracted to them." But that's none of my business (sips tea like Kermit)....

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      • blackbelle01 says:
        Posted: 08 Sep 15

        Why do you feel that you can speak for Black Women. I am a BW and if a BM felt this way I would say good he should divorce his wife and be with who he loved because he is only going to make her as miserable as he is.

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  15.   fire321 says:
    Posted: 18 Aug 15

    I totally disagree with Christelyn. Life is too short to stay in a relationship that doesn't bring you the emotional, mental and physical needs you require. You son is at an age where he can adapt better to you two separating/divorcing. I will say from personal experience that it's up to you and your wife to make the transition easier for him. Both of you should remain actively involved with him and most of all, be amicable in co-parenting your child. Staying together can actually do more harm than good to your son. You are his first teacher and teaching him that being in a unhealthy relationship is not good for him. I do wish you well either way.

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  16.   ladyday3339 says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 15

    I disagree with Christelyn. J u should never be somewhere you don't wanna be. Yes u have responsibilities as a husband and a father but u can be a good father outside of the home. What kind of stable productive married life can u have if ur not happy. U said that ur wife makes more than you. Hopefully she will be able to live comfortable without you. She may even find someone that will accept her weight issues. The first obligation that u have is to yourself. Nothing is permanent, not even marriage. But a bit of advise. STOP living to please other people. If u wasn't attracted to ur wife u should not had married her. And if u married her for any other reason, finances, security etc.. then shame on u. Learn from ur mistakes but u do not and I repeat DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE IN MISERY. GOODLUCK AND PRAY....

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  17.   loyal4lfye says:
    Posted: 06 Aug 15

    Life is too short to be unhappy, no where in the bible does it say you can't have more than one wife. So marry the black woman as well (a spiritual marriage) and then you'll find balance. Before anyone starts saying I'm crazy, think about this, in America it's legal to commit adultery, and have as many kids as you want out of wed-lock but yet it's illegal to marry more than one woman to keep your family together? That's backwards! Marry the black woman as well and keep your family together. But you MUST treat them equally!

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    • ChelleShem says:
      Posted: 12 Aug 15

      Adultery is NOT legal in the USA. It voids the marriage contract and is therefore, ground for divorce.

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      • raya31088 says:
        Posted: 20 Aug 15

        Actually the state of Florida us a no fault state. It doesn't recognize adultry unfortunately or I'd have my husband on that.

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  18.   genafer says:
    Posted: 02 Aug 15

    That was horrible advice Christelyn , J do what makes you happy. Life is to short to be miserable. Your son will be fine, probably better- both of you are unhappy so how is that healthy for him. You have nothing in common but a child. If your wife is interested in making this marriage work she would be willing to make a few changes as well. I am reading the post underneath but marriage is 50/50. How can you lie to yourself but be true to anyone else. J- not going to happen . Slow poke said be a godly man- I am smh- sin is a sin no matter how small- if you are thinking about another women that's not being Godly... Staying with your wife just because your parents, your faith is not being Godly. We all forget :God knows our heart even when we fool the world. Stay true to your self. I like oak buff post, honey dip and latte lady has good advice as well. What ever you decide ask God first, and he will guide you through , just remember on judgement day your wife, your son, your church, your faith,your parents cannot stand there for you. I am a clinical psychologist.

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  19.   Unix34 says:
    Posted: 01 Aug 15

    I think you should follow his heart and not worry about what people or your family going to say or think of you after all everyone deserves to be happy in the end of the day

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  20.   slowpokeZ28 says:
    Posted: 31 Jul 15

    Work to fix it. You already know it's against your faith. If people treated their spouse with the loyalty they treat their kids, America would be better. Plus you gave your word. That should mean more than anything. Whatever you do, do it for you or your wife. No need to try to please anyone else, family, friends, etc. Suck it up, be a man and love your wife. Easy for me to say though right? But if you're a Godly man, you already know what time it is, and I'm NOT gonna be the one to blow sunshine up your butt and tell you to do something you already know not to do. Bless you both...

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    • SexC29 says:
      Posted: 20 Aug 15

      He isn't attracted to his wife. He can't help that his preference is a BW. Let that man be happy. Hell maybe the wife will find a BM. To each is own

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  21.   oakbuff says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 15

    There is nothing in the scriptures that allows for divorce because you're no longer attracted to your spouse our not having sex with them. My only advice is...Ask the Lord for guidance. He will help you make the right decision.

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  22.   lattaelady says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 15

    On one hand he married this woman because he wanted to . even though his parents had some influence at the end of the day he married her. He and his wife should sit down and talk about the issues that ate affecting their marriage. They both can be great parents to their child even if they get a divorce. First and for most communication is key.

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  23.   nickyleila says:
    Posted: 30 Jul 15

    That's not good

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  24.   honeydip35 says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 15

    I think he should follow his heart. Staying I a relationship for all the wrong reasons sometimes can lead resentment.

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