"They" say - Men want Sex...Women want commitment.
Men lie about wanting sex...Women lie about not wanting sex who's really telling the truth? Are you playing the dating game or just watching from the side lines? Perhaps no one knows what they really want. Do you?
You know the thing that I love most about generalizations? Nothing...they don't really apply to you or me...just the infamous "them". You know, those folks over there, everybody else...well, almost everyone, except the people that it doesn't apply to.
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I'm always intrigued but hardly surprised by the things I read and the experiences others have while dating on-line. There is nothing new going on it's the same "old" party with a different guest list. Depending on who you talk to the general consensus is that men date on-line looking for sex while women are on-line looking for love and a commitment.
Not to put down my women folk...but, some of us, just ain't that deep. I've known plenty of females that were only looking for a good time. It could be one, two or several nights of "fun". If you asked them if they wanted a ring, their answer would be "yes", assuming that you were referring to a testicle ring... (All my freaks...I mean sexually advanced people, know what I'm talking about).
Believe it or not, there are also quite a few guys out there that are tired of playing the same old dating game. You know the one where they go to clubs, bars, church events, friend's parties, and blind-dates. These guys pay for the opportunity to find out if there is any interest and then pay again to see if there is any chemistry between them and the "seeker of the golden band".
Please forgive me for repeating myself. However, some people here don't listen. There is also those that have stumbled upon our secret little internet world for the first time and haven't heard this before, so here goes...IT'S THE INTERNET...YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT WANT THE SAME THINGS THAT YOU DO...TELL THE TRUTH.
Trust me when I tell you that there are websites out there for just about everything and anything that you can imagine. Want to date a midget? Like big boys or girls? Prefer to date yourself while looking at other people naked? You can find anything out there...here's an unsolicited advertisement. www.google.com. Try it!
Now back to why we are all here, on this site. It's because we've all expressed an interest and perhaps a preference to date someone of a different race. Let's say that other sites are like a buffet, there are plenty of choices and you can keep going back for more. I'd like to think that we are similar to ordering right off a personalized menu...made just for your taste and your particular palate. But don't get it twisted. Even here in our interracial bistro of love, there are those that don't want a relationship, they only want to see if that "blacker berry" really does have sweeter juice.
I don't have a problem with that either, as long as we are all being honest. Oh, I guess that's the point, huh. We're not. I'd really like to do a social experiment right here. I'd like for a few brave men and women to step forward and say that they would love to just have a sexual experience with someone of a different race or that their ethnicity doesn't even matter, they just want to "put it in and take it out". This doesn't mean that these people aren't emotionally available or that they are not open to eventually having a loving monogamous relationship somewhere down the line. It only means that they are open to having a "sex only" experience right now. I think that it's important for guys to see that there are women out there that don't feel like they have to have a ring...to do the damn thing. The general perception (with great reason), is that most guys really come to dating sites to get laid. If this is true, wouldn't it be nice to be able to know who these people are? Seriously, man or woman... If that's what you want, it makes it a hell of a lot easier to find other like minded people. However, if you want something more you can avoid these folks and spend time searching for the people that really want a serious relationship.
See I think that men lie about wanting sex because they think that women just want to get married and that for some reason we don't like sex as much. Women lie about not wanting sex as much because they don't want to come across as being a whore...just in case "he's really the one". To quote my friend, just last night (talking to his teenage son), "you can't turn a "ho" into a housewife".
This is Leticia, and I don't know, you tell me. What do you really want and are you brave enough to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
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57 responses to ""They" say - Men want Sex...Women want commitment."
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danndemann says:Posted: 29 Jul 08My wife and I have an open marriage, which means we always come home to each other after being with our sex partners. We both live in the world of committment to each other and sex with others. Works great for us, EVEN when there is some emotional attachment to our sex partners. We have really accepted that we are people who are committed to one another, but not monogamous.
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Don3015 says:Posted: 27 Jul 08Leticia, you make this site so much more! I love your articles!! Refreshing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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EricT says:Posted: 21 Jul 08See, the beauty of this conversation is that people expose themselves even when they're saying something different. When someone gripes about how men just want sex or that us men are genuinely trying to understand, we expose that part of ourselves that are insecure and cannot find a way to be okay with ourselves. I think the honesty issue has a lot more to do with self-esteem then it does actual truthfulness. Guys feel kicked in the tenders about not being able to land a sexual encounter. Many, though not all, center their ego solely on their ability to attract and/or score with a woman. This bravado goes unchecked and unevaluated because a man is expected to have a strong sense of confidence and self worth. Well guys, if getting laid a root accomplishment necessary to feel okay about yourselves then it's time to rearrange some priorities. Sure, sex is great, but whether we're getting it or not is not a measure of our worth. The men out there with the sub-type A personalities, this should hit home. Cause ladies, these are the guys that tell you that they're into committment but are actually out for sex. It's an ego boost to confirm self-worth. On the flip side, ladies, if you don't want to be thought of as a "whore" as it was explicitly put, then don't sleep around. Certainly don't have sex immediately. I mean, and this is going to sound harsh and I really don't mean for it to, but a slut by definition is someone who is promiscuous. A whore is someone who is promiscuous for money. So though you may not be getting paid for promiscuity, promiscuity still remains promiscuity. If you're okay with seeking men for sex, then just say so, forget about what they think because after all, you're just out for sex. Forget about the self-esteem because sex for sex sake is as cold and calculated as shooting a man in Reno just to watch him die. You can't be worried about feeling dirty unless that actually means something to you. If feeling dirty does mean something to you then you need to evaluate your own character and decide on whether it would be more worth while to attempt patience and other forms of romance. Now to those who want both committment and sex..., good. If you want committment, sex will come as a result, no matter what religious or ethical views either of you might hold. So it is nothing to fret over. If you feel harrassed by the lying types, traps are good, being ingenuous is better. Learn to spot shotty profiles because most people who just want sex are more than likely not going to put the extra effort into writing them well. In fact, if their virtuous ramblings sound like a rehearsed dream or regurgitated nonsense that appeared in a women's magazine, it is. The only other way a man who only wants sex writes is in a direct "I want sex" manner in which he will directly say, and I quote, "I want sex." And there you have it. Now I never stopped to say that anything in all of this is wrong. The ultimate and nagging issue I have with this whole topic is the main issue in the article. BE HONEST! Holy shit. If people got this right on a consistent basis it would be amazing to see how much of what they wanted actually get accomplished. Imagine a world where no one had to worry or be cynical about another's intentions. You could trust that when they said they wanted something that the actually wanted it. Now that would be a gem. Now please excuse me, I have to go put my face on.
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MzCoCo says:Posted: 18 Jul 08Great article. I see it has a lot of people thinking and rethinking about what they want from each other. What is wrong with wanting both? As an older woman, I want both, the sex and the commitment. MzCoCo
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WHURR says:Posted: 11 Jul 08What time does AppleBees close. I want a Bruschetta burger well done.
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hotrod2009 says:Posted: 10 Jul 08Great article, men and women just need to be honest with each other.
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EMBRACEME says:Posted: 08 Jul 08
OK IM GOING TO BE MYSELF AND CALL IT LIKE I SEE IT, YOU DAYUM LIARS .. ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED FROM BEING ON THIS DATING SITE, IS THAT MEN AND WOMEN FIRST LOOK AT THE PICTURE AND SEE IF THEY ARE REMOTELY ATTRACTIVE TO THE PERSON. AND TRUST ME WHAT GOES THROUGH MY HEAD AINT HOW WELL HE CAN HOLD A CONVERSATION. BE REAL TELL THE TRUTH YOU KNOW YOU LADIES AND MEN BE PEEPIN ON PIC AND CAMS TO SEE SOME SORT OF SEXUAL DESIRE. SURE AFTER YOU SEE THE ATTRACTION YOU TALK. BUT DO YOU REALLY LISTEN, I KNOW WHEN I LOOK AT A PIC IM THINKING DAYUM I LIKE TO HIT THAT, SO PLEASE SPARE ME THE GOODIE TWO SHOE LINES. WE ALL WANT SEX SHYT WE ARE HUMAN . HUMAN NATURE ,, ITS CALLED GROWN FOLK BUSINESS. AND BY THE WAY IF YOU DO TALK TO SOMEONE YOU FIND OUT REAL QUICK THE ONLY THING YOU REALLY WANT FROM THEM IS SEX CAUSE THEY AINT GOT A LICK OF SENCE.. WELL JUST MY THOUGHT LOL.. YEAH I SAID IT LOL... WHILE YOUR ASS IS OVER THERE THINKIN IT..
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mena says:Posted: 05 Jul 08You know, amen to everything you said. O really have NO idea why people lie when they don't have to. There was this one guy I started seeing and come to find out we could never make it work beyond the bedroom and I truly hate coming across as a ho if i make a booty call to this guy, but I put the order in for one hot night and when i see him and we're not being intimate it's like he has no idea what to make of 'us'/ point is, there is no us, we just happen to see each other in daylight hours to lead up to the nightime fun. I mean i'm the farthest thing from being a ho, but at times i feel like women aren't respected when we know what we want and just go after it. But good grief, men do it all the time, why can't i call up some eye candy when i just want a good pipe layer? You won't even see me when I leave, if that is our agreed arrangement :P Ahem , fellas that is nota green light to appraoch me on that level. I am just talking about one particular guy I was/am dealing with. Just my two cents, but i should take them back cuz its a recession :P
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Dy41 says:Posted: 05 Jul 08You know it was quiet funny that after reading is article tonight I actually met a man on the site who wanted to become friends first! Typically, it was just as the article said that most men use the internet as another way to pick up women. But, I believe that women are too! It's 2008 and everyone wants to get their groove on! Let's be real ladies, some of us, ok, not all want a man just for what's in between his legs but do not want to be considered a whore for wanting the same thing that a man wants. I say go and get whatever it is that you want out of life because you only live once! And, thanks to Greg he did not let me forget that some men can be your friend first and then sex comes later! Gentleman do exist!
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2bfabu says:Posted: 26 Jun 08Leticia, this article hits it dead on! I wish everyone (especially men) would just be honest. Why does something so easy seem so hard??? I am very forthcoming about what I want, but have found that some men are not. My experience online has been pretty good and I am very selective about who I choose to meet in person. I will admit one thing ---- if a guy would actually be truthful enough to tell me he only wants sex --- I would thank him for his honesty, and disengage myself from that point onward. I would totally check out of the situation and would most likely never go out with him again ---- unless we decided to be friends! Catch 22? Yes, I guess! On the other hand, I have seen where "a friend" dated someone for awhile and it grew into a purely sexual relationship. Hmmmmmmmm...
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miroty says:Posted: 24 Jun 08
Hi Leticia..Indeed you spend agood time 4 good article but let me say not just the men lies about what inside them ,women also lies coz the desire so complecat.Indeed we need more articles like this thanks alot
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vrb1955 says:Posted: 24 Jun 08
How about this? Commit to having a great sexual relationship with someone you are comfortable enough to call a friend? It's a little more flexible and allows for growth within the relationship. There is something very sexy about a male who mentally stimulate me. I find they are the ones that are more creative when it comes to sex
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travelgirlx6 says:Posted: 22 Jun 08
This was a good article. I am new to this website and have been impressed with the articles and ability of others to speak quite openly about things. I do agree that men more often want sex without a relationship but definitely that many modern women are the same way. I am very open about what I want and want to believe that people if they only wanted sex would be truthful too. They should only be on websites looking for sex instead of being dishonest. Its enlightening to hear it said that many men who do online dating are looking for sex while women online are looking for relationships. From my own anecdotal experiences I would agree with that. However based on my experiences`the men who I meet who are just average tend to want a relationship. The men that are similar to me i.e. educated, sucessful, well travelled tend to want a sexual relationship or do not really know what they want. I am similar to men in that sex is important. But frankly I am not attracted to someone who does not have similar philosphy in life, has a fund of knowledge as myself. It is true though that you have to first have a physical attraction to someone before it can proceed. I would love to read an article about why men are so afraid of independent,successful educated women who can take care of themselves.
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thicklover says:Posted: 22 Jun 08
Actually, I had always heard this as: Men seek sex, women seek security. The first way, about women seeking committment, can be interpreted to make women sound like they are morally superior to men. The way I had heard it, can be interpreted positively... & negatively. That women too have a motive, and that these motives can also be partially based on selfishness (must have children that *I* made, have somebody assist *me* in bad times). The truth is, men & women do have different motives -- it's part of how our brains are formed, the levels of hormones, our socialization -- a whole host of factors. Sex & security are both important. But they are a fish & bicycle in terms of the relationship to each other. Committment? How's the passion (sex) & intimacy (sexual & non-sexual) going? Committment may (not will) follow.
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Velvet63 says:Posted: 21 Jun 08This is very informative. Sex is great but committment is even better. I ask directly for what i want. No hesitation.
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Hothandle says:Posted: 21 Jun 08Leticia, Thank you for your well chosen words. As a man who knows what he wants, I often have asked myself what do most women on this site want? I know I want lots of sex yes, but also lots of commitment because I am tired of always starting over. There is really a tremendous lack of honesty. I have been hoping to find more honesty here. Still yet to find it, such a pity. But we can't give up the fight.
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mrgeno says:Posted: 20 Jun 08
Yes, I'll admit that I like sex just as much as the next man but I also want a committment to go along with it.
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BIueEyes says:Posted: 20 Jun 08I totally agree with Leticia that there is no reason for dishonesty on the internet. For ALL of you (both men/women) that just want sex, be honest, say so. As long as all involved are consenting adults, go for it! I want both! I want great sex from the man that I'm committed too! I think all of us get so used to being put in categories by society that we do it to ourselves. On here, we have anonymity. We can truly be who we are without anyone knowing us. So, why not be honest. I personally don't lie because I wouldn't remember my lies. And....because I wouldn't find what I'm truly searching for if I did. I also don't believe in emailing forever either. Lets face it folks, chemistry plays a big part in relationships. I'm currently talking to someone from another state, someone who has stimulated my mind, fed my emotional needs and I'm hoping will stimulate my body. We've been talking for a few wks and will be meeting in Aug (work schedules a prob). I'm hoping that the chemistry will be there, because if it isn't....well, I'll continue my search. Some of you may find my openness offensive, but I have a sneaky suspicion that alot of you will agree with my thoughts. We are all adults on this site...go for what you want...leave the bs behind!! Good luck all.
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Lloyd says:Posted: 16 Jun 08Nice article Leticia, I've met a few women on here who come with a preconceived idea of how i should turn out...and they are almost aggressive because of it. Sometimes women act the victims, but in reality some have more attitude and lack of etiquette than the tolerable limit. i get people voting my face as cute or something, when i do express interest they slide off. i hate it! i'm not here to play some variation on hotornot.com, i came here to meet people goddamit. then theres the old hag who asks me to chat to her (after calling me a "good boy". WTF??
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DaSource says:Posted: 15 Jun 08
SkyPrincess1...you could not have told my history any better...right down to the one child...only difference is mine is 11 years old and a girl. I am tired of the dishonesty. Talking for months too and then when you make a concerted effort to make the "natural" face-to-face move you get mountains of excuses (some good and some bad). You know this person takes time out to do things with friends, family and GOES TO WORK, but will not give you any more than the email. When you press, the email will lessen and the person is clearly irritated by you, what you say, your questions (which they see as demands). I'm a professional person with a lot of degrees after my name. So, when I thought I found someone who lived that same academic life and blah, blah I was shocked only to find they REALLY do not wish to be bothered after all is time. I'm viewed as rushing and pushy...so WTF is the person talking about then... a few months back. This makes no sense to me. Like you SkyPrin...I gave the person the right to tell me they wanted to move on, but NOoooo. I am told it is not the "I'm not into you" thing and that I am being selfish. OMG! Now my emails go without replies. I left a nice positive (truly meant) message and I hope it is well received, because it was well-intentioned. Unfortunately, that will be my last one if it goes unanswered. I'm too good a person to be lied (even if by omission) and I just wish people will mean what they say and say what they TRULY mean. If you want to wait an entire year before you see the person...make that clear straight up so the interested party can make an informed choice. Not happy with many of you guys out there...not happy at all. Be honest. It hurts feelings badly when you are not. It hurts bad...trust me...trust us. Tell the darn truth!
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PHYNIX says:Posted: 07 Jun 08
Well after reading the article and comments I have to agree that societal generalities do play a major in how we deal on the internet and elsewhere. But for me I have interesting situation. Well here goes: I LOVE SEX. But it has to be with a certain type of guy. Whose height and physical strength are great. being 5'9-1/2 and at this point 242lbs(lost some) I need a tall strong man. In the past I have had situations where I was supposed to be the agressor. Now having said that. I WANT SOMEONE WHO WANTS ME BY HIS SIDE IN BUSINESS, LIFE AND LOVE. BUT WHEN WE WALK INTO THE BEDROOM, HE WILL WEAR THE PANTS. I am divorced and the sex was to say the least lackluster. YES I WANT COMMITMENT, BECAUSE D**K I CAN GET OFF THE SIDEWALK. I DONT WANT TO WASTE MONTHS TALKING/CHATTING TO JUST END UP WITH THAT. I DONT NEED TO GET TO KNOW YOU TO F**K YOU (BETWEEN 16-21 I SEWED MY OATS AND A LOT MORE) SO SEXUALLY I KNOW WHAT I WANT AND I KNOW WHAT I DONT!!! SO DONT WASTE MY TIME. My profile is very open and honest about what it is I am looking for. I PULLED NO PUNCHES. NOT YELLING JUST MAKING MY POINT. I AGREE 100% WITH ONLYGRACE. READ THE DAMN PROFILE BEFORE YOU CONTACT ME!!!!!!(THAT WAS YELLING) BUT SINCE MEN LIKE TO TEST THESE WATERS ANYWAY I HAVE INSTALLED A TRAP , FOR THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO PLAY WITH ME. IT HAS TO DO WITH ONE OF MY PICS. WONT GIVE IT AWAY BUT, I HAVE CAUGHT MANY A HORN DOG WITH THIS TRAP. WE AS WOMEN ARE MORE THEN/THAN THE SOME OF OUR PARTS. PERIOD. SO IF YOU WANT TO F**K THEN GO TO A BAR, DONT WASTE ME TIME. YOU DONT LIKE IT WHEN WE PROMISE A GOOD TIME AND DONT DELIVER!! DONT DO THE SAME IN REVERSE TO US. If you do not want commitment dont talk to someone WHO DOES!! SIMPLE. Look for those profiles of women who say friends, STR, or fun. I DONT WANT THOSE THINGS SO I DO NOT CONTACT THOSE INDIVIDUALS. SIMPLE. thank you for letting me speak my peace.
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dada says:Posted: 07 Jun 08We all want sex.But like leticia said we want to come off looking holy and nice people.Lets face it sex is sex whether ur doing it with a whore or a housewife. So do i want sex...Hell YEAh do i want a commitment Anothere hell yeah so can i get both?
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jacbl2 says:Posted: 06 Jun 08Wow, I guess its about time someone spoke up for what they really want. Me, I want both however I'm not sure in which order. I started off wanted pen pals but the interaction sometimes is so great that I find myself wanting more. Of course, I'm sure that is for everyone if we were totally honest with ourselves.
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vitamensea says:Posted: 06 Jun 08
You have hit the nail on the head! Thanks girl, this needed to be put out there....just like that!
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sweetnes20 says:Posted: 04 Jun 08
yeah, yeah, yeah, you always want sex mossimo.
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 02 Jun 08
I guess it depends on what stage of life or what the person is going through to say who wants sex
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JIB says:Posted: 31 May 08It's an idividual thing. I dated a woman for over 6 months who was determ Sex was not the ined that we would have only platonic physical contact until we got married. She broke it off when I "wasn't meeting her needs" and I cried over it. Sex was NOT the issue at least for me. I have also dated women who were willing to "get it on" on the first date. Was that because I'm such an attractive guy that they just couldn't resist it? NOPE! They wanted the sex. Bottom line is we each approach relationships for different reasons with different people at different times. That's just life. Ken
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mike says:Posted: 29 May 08
mine is just this short. I have the above article and i want to clear myself,because iam not like those men discussed in the article for sure,i have also been looking for a very understanding,caring and loving lady,but for sure,it is hard to get one,i wish to meet the ladies exactly like the ones who have just posted their comments on this article,but i have not yet succeeded,am only 28 and i will be very happy to meet a committed like the ones here who really understands.
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mossimo36 says:Posted: 27 May 08
Dang Fala...lookin good... I am going to put chapters in the book I am about to post on here.
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Skyprincess1 says:Posted: 25 May 08I am one of the honest ones who is looking for a committed relationship with sex. Not sex first and we will see where it goes or get naked on the cam for me before I meet you face to face. I don't play games like that, I'm not some naive, love-starved female who will do anything to get a man. I want a ommitted relationship before we have sex and I don't think that is asking too much if so, then you're not the man for me and I'm willing to wait. I try to find professional men, as I am a professional and I totally understand time constraints as I am also the mother of a 12 year old boy who is very active in sports and school activities. When I tell men this, they agree that they are indeed searching for the same thing I am but when confronted with it later on, they seem to develop alzheimers. I met one particular man on here about a year ago, who said all the right things, we exchanged phone numbers after a few months of chatting and I really thought things were heading in a positive direction. When a few more months passed I asked about possibly meeting face to face, which is a natural next step and I was told that his "work" schedule wouldn't allow him much free time. The radar went up at that point. Is he married? Is he attached? Is he just scared? He answered no to all of the above. He always seemed to find time to go out on a boat fishing for days at a time, play golf, hunt, etc.and geez, he couldn't squeeze a weekend out somewhere in the course of 10 months? I realized at that point that his interests did not include me, or possibly what I was seeking and I finally told him I was moving on. I thought he would be happy being let off the hook so easily yet, he continues chatting with me when he is online and telling me things I'm sure he thinks I want to hear but for me they ring totally false at this point. I know all men aren't like that and I don't regret the time I invested in him, because he was fun to talk to and is a good man. So, I'm not going to give up because I too think this is a great site and I've met some really nice people in the chatroom. There is one guy in particular that I would be interested in meeting up with because his profile seems to indicate he is indeed tired of spending time alone and seriously looking for someone however until we either meet in the chatroom at the same time, one of us breaks down and purchases a membership or there is a free "email who you want day" (hint hint Leticia! LOL)not sure how that's going to turn out. I'm sure there are some really great guys on here who are looking for some really great women who are willing to treat them very well and they will find us eventually! ONLYGRACE, your response was wonderful and I hope everything goes well for you!
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SxyWhtTiger says:Posted: 25 May 08I think it all just depends all on the person not all men are just looking for sex some of us are looking for a commitment too. It does go both ways there are women out there too as well as men that are just looking for sex with no possibility of commitment so I think it is really biased and sexist to say all men are like this and that women aren't just as guilty. It all boils down to that some men and women will tell you anything and especially what you would like to hear just to get what they want. I personally can honestly say I'm in it for the commitment and everything that comes with it.
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john says:Posted: 25 May 08
Hey Leticia,,you r hitting most nails directly on the head ,yet sometimes missing a few. I feel some men are looking for a good solid woman to build a relationship with but the problem lies within both men and women,,when we get together and start enjoying conversation and whatever else we are doing ,,,it is so difficult, mainly because of "the worlds way" the sexual intimacy is a "norm" in society and our own feeling and desires as a human being,,that we give into our wants,,not needs,,because we do have the power to choose ,but often we fall short,,and we know this,and somehow justify it for ourselfs. most of us,,30 or older,are getting wiser and look for monogomous relationship but our past experiences with that seem to haunt us all,,my ex cheated,,etc..sowe feel we need to guard our hearts and do not go into a new relationship as open as before,but we do need to realize one important thing about love,,and i mean true love,,when you feel you are in a good relationship,and he or she could be the one,,,,true love is always a risk,,to love some one is to take a risk!,,so remember this,,if we are willing to take the risk again,,how will we ever love again the way it should be?
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maria says:Posted: 25 May 08
perhaps,a person that is just looking for sex is on the level of a simple animal...and society has told us that just having sex without an actual human connection is permissable and normal...its called sociopathie...there i said it...
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OnlyGrace says:Posted: 24 May 08
Well, Leticia, I'm glad you gave me a hook to finally express myself. I've speant my time and money investing in the dating game over the past seven years at various websites. By far, your site has been one of great integrity as far as your intentions go. Leticia, I am not the most beautiful woman in the world -- will never be. I am not the most intelligent, but I do possess a sprinkling of those qualities and more. On your site, I am known as OnlyGrace, as I am looking at 43 years spent getting used to this civilization, and I have been through sooooo much, that only a higher grace could give me beauty for my ashes... Leticia, I have tried to search for only one man to love -- that is all I require. Since I have an education, I can provide for myself. I am very low maintenance as a woman, as I do not crave those things that money can buy...I have posted a fairly decent profile without asking for your help because I am an English teacher -- certified to teach grades six through 12. I have taught adults basic psychology, and I have worked in the corporate world...I minored in communication (Broadcast, radio, and print journalism). Yet, I still can only manage to attract those men with the ulterior motive of seducing me for the most part. If I do not get that, I get those who don't read my specifications clearly -- and, I do feel that I have the right to have and adjust specifications according to my comfort level and not that of someone else... I actually maintained an on-line relationship with someone for over two years just to have him come visit for his sole purpose of desiring sex. He then blew me off. I spent an entire month talking to someone and getting to know them at a pace that I thought was a fair one until he wrote me and told me he had run out of things to say to me???? When I tried to see what it was he needed -- he blew me off. I had a chat with a guy who felt it was a black woman's (such as myself) place to be with a white man, serving him on her knees and having his babies. I let him go on and on digging his chasm until I told him off with his own racist remarks as he was putting down a sister he met from Africa. Then he accused me of talking to him like I was a teacher...HA HA HA. I hope I taught him something. I hope that I taught him that a black woman may prefer white men to date, but it does not mean that she looks down on her black brother with disdain. I hope I taught him that he best wise up as this world cannot afford to accomodate his type of twisted lust/hate attraction to black women. I do have a preference, but it is not for just any type of white man. The brothers that I have met (in person) and also felt a complete attraction to -- across all levels -- have usually been married. So, I find myself often sitting on the side lines, waiting to find one of equal intelligence/mental ability, world outlook and pleasing to my eyes. I know what I want, and I want commitment from a man without him thinking he can get my body first. I want sex too -- just like any other human being, but I want the integrity and commitment of true love as well. I do not think it is too much to ask, just rare to find. I want a man who feels he can keep pace with me and never say to me, 'I have run out of things to say to you.' I am growing up as I experience these unique encounters...My feelings are not hurt like they used to be... You even caught a Frenchman who spammed me...I didn't even see that. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and used a little of my French that I'd picked up in high school and college, and even he was not legitimate -- even though he claimed to be a spiritual MAN of God. I have one child - a six-year-old, and I owe her the respect of trying to find someone that can interact with her eventually -- as she cannot live in the closet, nor would I put her there. I have even signed up to an e-publication for a man to tell me what men want from women. Sometimes I read him, sometimes I delete him, for I simply do not get it. I am a simple woman, with basic needs...The men I am attracted to physically blow me off. It is a good thing, for ultimately, I realize they will harm me more than benefit my growth as a human being. The man who claimed he wanted to be friends with me could not even stick around to be a true friend. Could not even respect me enough to talk it out. I got blown off again. My belief is that MANY men are on-line trying to figure out what they want and are not succeeding, so a little sex in the mix is ok. My belief is that MANY men are on-line searching with unreasonable expectations of women, and do not know how to give the opposite sex the benefit of the doubt. I also believe that many men are searching for something they will never find because they have preconceived notions of that which they do find. I also KNOW that there are female equivalents to the groups I have described above. I still have hope, Leticia. I am in contact with one man who is a teacher like me. That quality will make a great difference I hope. I will keep you posted... OnlyGrace
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blkbeauty31 says:Posted: 23 May 08Hi Ria! This was a really good article and thanks for taking me to school on a few things. I have been on the on-line dating scene for a while, but still had a lot to learn that you mentioned. Although I am not one of the one's just looking for the sex fun, I still had to comment. I am willing to be honest and say that I am one of the women looking for commitment. I could relate to not being honest about what i am looking for and your article helps give me perspective and encouragement to express what I want. I am not disgusted that men are looking for sex, but I am disgusted by sex "only."
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"My online love inspiration angel"
Submitted by: Patricia, USA, 21
To be honest, in the beginning, I thought it would be a waste of time. But since I've never seen a similar service in any other dating site, I decided to give it a try.
I always "thought" my profile was on point and I did not need any help to correct my page. I always had in my profile if someone is not attracted to my profile, then that's "their" loss.
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Some people are mental. Like the guy with the wife and the open marriage. Why is he allowed on this website. I am sorry to be blunt but everyone is free to speak here. We should uphold some types of high standards as human beings. As women it is never O.K. to give men the power to have something for free, and then complain that they won't commit. It is because many of us are offering ourselves so easily that we are ending up in the situations that we are today and are not helping other black women doing so. To be expected to be "easy" because you are black is not something I quite fancy. We have to say no... And stop this type of mentality that do not benefit us in the long run. No its not O.K. for a lady to say that she wants sex... Black women please, start behaving and clean us of these stereotypes that are not helping any of us. If a man wants us then he has to pay the price of a relationship. We know that we are going to make it worth it in bed anyways. We are the best. Common, we are gorgeous. It is just not worth it.