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Men Who Kiss Well Should Be Cloned

Posted by Leticia, 02 Jun

Listen in as Sex Educator Lou Paget discusses letting men be men and why some women fake it in this thought provoking interview. Lou Paget is a certified sex educator and she is also a grassroots researcher whose quest for accurate practical information for herself has created a highly successful international seminar and product company with the focus on lifestyle and cultural trends that impact our sexuality, our health, and our relationships.

Dr. Wright:
Greetings! This is Dr. Letitia Wright for idcdating.com. idcdating.com is where we're creating multicultural relationships everyday. Today, we've got a great interview with Lou Paget. She is from LouPaget.com, L-O-U-P-A-G-E-T, and she is a certified sex educator. Welcome to the podcast.

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Lou:
It's my pleasure to be here.

Dr. Wright:
I want to tell everybody a little bit about you. Lou Paget is a certified sex educator and she is also a grassroots researcher whose quest for accurate practical information for herself has created a highly successful international seminar and product company with the focus on lifestyle and cultural trends that impact our sexuality, our health, and our relationships. She began organizing women's focus groups of sexuality and health back in the early 90s but what she didn't anticipate is that her small, formal discussion groups were going to explode into something very, very popular. She has a company called Frankly Speaking and she's known all over the world giving all of these seminars that really help us with our sexuality and she has written several books. Now today, the book we're going to talk about is...is it your most popular book?

Lou:
It is my fourth book actually called "The Great Lover Playbook" and it came about as a result of couples and people in my seminars constantly saying, "Listen, you hear the best ideas from people of what works, what keeps things ongoing, what keeps it hot. They share their secrets with you, what do they tell you?" That's what this book is.

Dr. Wright:
Isn't that the quest of every couple? We all want it to be as hot as it was when we first met.

Lou:
We want to know that our appeal is still there. Let's be candid. Falling in love sex, and being in love sex, and intimacy are not the same, fortunately, because if we kept being as obsessed, because really it is like a brain narcotic. If we keep being that obsessed, we get nothing done and we'd starve to death.

Dr. Wright:
Okay. So it has to change.

Lou:
What it does do is it takes on...it's like the maturity of what happened with it, but you want to know you still have that. When someone says to you "I don't know what it is you've got but you've just got something." Quite frankly, you don't care what it is. You're just glad you've got it. It's taking care of that. This book is about the behaviors, the attitudes, the techniques, the things that couples who keep it ongoing, be it five months, five years, or 55 years, what they do and what they say.

Dr. Wright:
Okay. We could talk about that forever because (talk over) like a tip a day, 365 different tips.

Lou:
That's what it was. It's not every single day, but if you want to have the option everyday, you should have that too.

Dr. Wright:
Okay. Two a day would be good. I want to ask a couple of questions because you've just got so much material and they're so great, but you say let him be the man. Let the man be the man.

Lou:
Okay.

Dr. Wright:
We women were very independent these days especially in America, so what exactly are you talking about?

Lou:
I am not saying in anyway that you're supposed to put on a pillbox hat and wear gloves. If you choose to, that's your choice. What I am saying here is that if we think about it as women and you have your company, you have what you do, I'm successful in what I do, but for both of us, how we typically know most clearly our femininity and the acknowledgement of our femininity is in relationship to a man. Men, one of the biggest and most important things they want to be able to do for women is make a difference by being in your life and make contributions to you. If you do not have a space for a man to come into and be male in your life, and whether that is something as simple as hanging up a picture or making sure the oil is taken care of in your car or making arrangements for something, this is him doing something in your life that he can do.

Dr. Wright:
These days, he's got to be there.

Lou:
Precisely. It's like anything else. If there's no space for someone to show up, they won't show up.

Dr. Wright:
Absolutely.

Lou:
Whether it's a friendship or whether it's a relationship. Particularly for men, for women they want to know that the woman wants them there. They know that women can do everything. Goodness gracious. We know that. What they want to know is that they can do something for her.

Dr. Wright:
Okay. That can be done without a woman feeling weak and...

Lou:
Heavens!

Dr. Wright:
Like it's not enough.

Lou:
Heavens! I in no way think that I am weak. The women who were telling me about this, they knew that in order for them to have the type of relationship that honors who the man is and honors who the woman is, there needed to be an awareness that she needs him in a style of him showing up as the man. Some people say well then that's just only referring to the intimacy and the sexuality. Not necessarily.

Dr. Wright:
There's a whole lot of stuff that goes on before sex actually happens.

Lou:
Precisely. I love people saying "Well you know there's foreplay." Listen, foreplay starts at 8:00 in the morning. Foreplay starts when you discover "Oh my gosh! There's that cereal that she likes." That's called foreplay.

Dr. Wright:
Exactly. We really got to pay attention to that and not so much buy into being independent and be interdependent I guess.

Lou:
There's dependency on someone taking care of your heart, there's independent, but most men want a woman who can take care of herself. Most men do not want someone needy and clingy. Good grief. What they do want is a partner. That's one of the things I'm saying here is that women and men basically know that... Here is an example of let him be the masculine.

Dr. Wright:
Okay. Great.

Lou:
With manners, this is about paying attention to behaviors. For all of the people when it's dating, when they're meeting someone, people often pay more attention to the words. My comment is after 10 years of doing this and five books, 26 languages, etc., etc., what I know is pay more attention to the behavior. That tells you more about how the person is relating to you than the words.

Dr. Wright:
Okay.

Lou:
For example, if a man makes a point of opening the door for you, yes we can open our own door but there is this nicety manner thing that goes with I'm acknowledging you are an important woman in my life. Okay. This is the thing. Now, if someone else is carrying the packages, heavens, I have no problem opening the door for them. But when you are with a man, it is the acknowledgement of you as the woman.

Dr. Wright:
We need to understand that and not misconceive it as some sort of feminine putdown.

Lou:
Trust me. The ladies of old did not think they were being weak when a man was being so-called socially respectful. There is something that is lovely about manners.

Dr. Wright:
Absolutely.

Lou:
Manners are one of the most seductive things that a man can have. You ask any woman. Let's be clear here that we all know what the game plan is. The game plan is finding someone you can partner with, be intimate and have a relationship. Men who have more manners and present themselves well get more things happening than guys who are slobs who are ill mannered.

Dr. Wright:
I agree. This is the expert saying, that's not just my personal impression.

Lou:
Your mother was not wrong. It is the simplest of simplest common sense comments. Manners are truly one of the most seductive things. One of the other most seductive things people can give someone, your attention.

Dr. Wright:
Yeah.

Lou:
As I say, I don't care if it's a fish or a dog or a cat or a human being or a plant. If you give them the attention that works for them, they are going to flourish. Everything responds to attention. Everything.

Dr. Wright:
Absolutely.

Lou:
When someone is paying attention to you, why do you think affairs and/or interest in dating starts? When someone pays attention. Here's the other thing I'll say to people. If you are in a relationship, marriage, whatever it is, and you are not paying attention to your relationship, someone or something else will. That something else may be, and this is going back to the masculine, we all have a blend of masculine and feminine. For men, and for women as well, if someone is not paying attention to them in the way that makes them feel taken care of, their attention is going to go into work where they will get acknowledged, into a sport or an event where they get acknowledged, or into another person.

Dr. Wright:
All of those things in today's society are very, very readily available.

Lou:
Heavens! We both know when you are traveling (inaudible) truly here is the one thing that I say to people that is a defining event that defines your relationship as specific and that is sexual exclusivity, because that is typically the one thing that really is the only type of behavior that you have solely and exclusively with your partner. Because most people are working in a work environment where it is women and men together. You're traveling, you're doing conferences, there's all of the things that typically had not been done 15 or 20 years ago, now are completely commonplace, you have male and female roommates, many things that would only have been an enclave of behavior are now commonplace interaction. So the one thing that defines your relationship as special and exclusive is that form of behavior.

Dr. Wright:
Just being sexually exclusive, that really is a big deal.

Lou:
If it's not important for you, that's up to the person, but I will tell you for most people, women and men, that is the line in the sand. If you are and do decide to do things with someone other than your exclusive partner, kind of without it being understood it's okay if we both do that, keep it safe, come home clean and all that, whatever comments people wish to make. When the person finds out, your relationship will be irreparably changed.

Dr. Wright:
Okay. It will never be the same.

Lou:
It won't be the same. They'll wait for the shoe to fall again. Are they doing it again? For women who think well it's not really going to make that much of a difference, I will tell them pointblank what men tell me. What men have told me is that at that moment, he no longer, if he decides to stay in the relationship, it will no longer be making love to her. It will be having sex. When he does, the image that is constantly in his mind is the image of that other man physically being with her.

Dr. Wright:
Okay. That's really devastating.

Lou:
It is one particular image that men say they will never get out of their minds. Ever.

Dr. Wright:
Wow.

Lou:
I just say to people, "Look, before you do something, be aware of what the reaction is likely to be." Some people saying "Well, they won't find out," chances are they will eventually.

Dr. Wright:
That's when you've got to deal with all that piling up.

Lou:
At which point, then this is like when people fake orgasm. It's like something is not being told. You're not telling them the truth. Both men and women can fake. It's not sexually specific skill set.

Dr. Wright:
Okay. We should talk about that. Men faking orgasm. I'm sorry, but I'm not that educated on it so I want to stay educated.

Lou:
Okay. Well done darling. First off, I'll go back and describe with women when for most people when they are with their partner, the biggest thing they want to be able to do is to give them pleasure, is to make them feel good.

Dr. Wright:
That's right.

Lou:
This is no longer the thing of just doing it only for yourself. If you're still in college or you're just doing something just only for the action, fine. (Inaudible) to the fact that's what you're doing and off you go, but for most people when they're with a partner, they want to know. One of their biggest turn ons is if they can make them feel great. For women, often what happens is the man is thinking that the penetrative intercourse is the only thing that is going to be working for her and what I can say from a database information standpoint, from a sexual education standpoint and from someone whose listened to thousands of people speak and from my scientist background, that is not the action that works for the majority of women. To the contrary, penetrative intercourse is not the number one way most women receive the greatest amount of pleasure. It is mainly through oral stimulation and manual and the main reason is because then there is a direct, constant warm contact with the clitoral area which for a good percentage of women is the most and hottest way for them to receive pleasure.

Dr. Wright:
Does the regular missionary position really doesn't get that for most women?

Lou:
For the majority of women, no it doesn't. What it actually is doing is kind of banging it on top of its head.

Dr. Wright:
Right.

Lou:
Now, there are some women for whom that will work if she is on top more so than when he is on top because then, the partner who is on top controls the majority of the motion and the direction of the action.

Dr. Wright:
Okay

Lou:
Anyway, if women do fake, what ends up happening, men are the best downloading devices going. When they know that something is working, it is like that works, I've got it, don't change a thing.

Dr. Wright:
Exactly. That's the only thing they're going to do.

Lou:
They're like "Okay, I've got it." If you give them false information, you are giving them a misinformation loop. Then what happens is that men will go back to that thinking that's what works. Now, let's add to it the other slice of the pie which is the place where the majority of men get their information about things to do with women's bodies is the adult industry.

Dr. Wright:
Yeah.

Lou:
That is one of the most shockingly horrible sources of misinformation going. What I say to men is "gentlemen, here's the deal. It's not to say that we're not programmable as human beings. We are, bless us. We are very programmable. We are programmed by the visuals and the images and things like that." However, these people are following a script.

Dr. Wright:
Exactly.

Lou:
They are acting. It is completely voiced over so what you're hearing afterwards is not what's hearing then and these people, it's not happening according to their bodies. It's happening with someone else's idea.

Dr. Wright:
Exactly. It's a script people.

Lou:
Exactly. I say if you got the script and your acting, you got the camera and the voiceover happening in your bedroom, go for it. However, otherwise if you're turning on porn which is not to say there are some that are really terrific, Candido Royale has a line called Fem Productions, excellent. But the majority of them are based on and created by men, for men to self pleasure and masturbate to. That's what they're designed for. They are not designed for the pleasure of women

Dr. Wright:
And they weren't designed as an instruction manual either?

Lou:
Hardly. What I say to men is "Gentlemen, if you are in bed with a woman and you were thinking that you're getting your best ideas from the porn industry, in essence, you have a guy standing beside your bed telling you what to do with that woman. Do you want that guy there?" Those guys are like "God no!" Like get out of it (inaudible). Now, here is the other part added on to it. Here is the third slice of the pie. For women, they often think and feel pressure that they are supposed to have the reactions that are occurring in adult films that aren't the reactions that are really occurring anyway because their partners will say to them "Well, all my other girlfriends had orgasms" or "I've never been with a woman who faked."

Dr. Wright:
Wow. (Inaudible) go to the you're misinformed part. We should just go back to the okay, but this is what works for me.

Lou:
Right. Again, here we go to another thing which is how do you know and men will say "Just tell us what you want." How do you ask for what you want when you may not necessarily be sure what that is? That's why something like "Great Lover Playbook," "How to be a Great Lover," "How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure," that's why my seminars and my books got created because when I went looking for the information, I couldn't find it and I would look and I'd go to porn industry is hopeless. Then I would look at things, first of all, it's not exactly things that are making women feel great about themselves and they aren't really necessarily true bodies. Then I looked at the things in the medical and the therapeutic world and I went there typically addressing things as there is something wrong or something missing. I didn't have anything missing. There wasn't anything wrong with me. I just knew I needed more information and I needed real people information.

Dr. Wright:
Yes, a real deal, not...

Lou:
Right. My editor of my first book. This is how she describes it. "Lou said she wanted to know where people put their fingers, their toes, and their tongues." That's true. I did.

Dr. Wright:
It helps to know where all the body parts are.

Lou:
I'm a scientist major so I knew when I was (inaudible) this stuff. I was going like, "That is absolute bunk" or "I'd know that nerve system isn't there," what are they talking about?

Dr. Wright:
Exactly.

Lou:
But what I also knew is that we're all born as this. There's nothing that's more powerful than who we are. Think about it, the moment that we are born, we are immediately judged by our sexuality, female and male, and it continues for the rest of our lives I might add. But what I knew is that if this is where we came from, I couldn't be the only one looking for this style but the more I looked, the more I didn't find it. That's why the grassroots component got added in. I started asking people, "Tell me the best thing someone's ever done with you." The last thing I ever thought I would be doing is these seminars and writing about this subject. Absolutely not. I come from this very, very conservative western Canadian family. It's like "No, no, no, no, no." But what I knew is that this has to be there and it has to be there in a way that's nice, that doesn't have that yuck, yuck factor.

Dr. Wright:
Exactly. People really just want information. That's the main thing.

Lou:
True. We know that there's so much information on the internet but that doesn't necessarily mean it's accurate.

Dr. Wright:
Right. It's sort of it's there, but...

Lou:
And the medicalizing of our sexuality; that makes me crazy because we're basically saying you're not okay, you're not enough. Majority of people are okay, they're just not getting the stimulation and the sensation that works for them.

Dr. Wright:
Exactly. Before we run out of time, I've got one more question for you. You've got to come back and talk some more about sexuality. This is some great real down-to-earth information. You tell people to never stop kissing.

Lou:
Kissing is probably the most intimate connecting that most people do. As women in my seminars have said, men who kiss well should be cloned. It also is the number one activity that often drops off in a long-term relationship because it's sort of considered to be, it's foreplay. I don't have to do that because they're here and they're ready." What women have said, and men, is that kissing is one of the number one things that gets their motors running. What great lovers also do, they touch a lot. It's not touching just sort of like "Okay, I'm touching you, let's go horizontal."

Dr. Wright:
Exactly. Rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub. Okay let's go.

Lou:
No. This is like they walk by one another. They touch one another's neck. They walk by one another with a little kiss on top of the head. They like being around one another. And I'll tell people when I come back, I can walk them through how to tell whether or not they're in the right relationship.

Dr. Wright:
Wow. You can just watch them.

Lou:
Yeah. I can see it and when I say this on TV programs and my first TV program will be airing August 1st actually, I see people lean in. Okay, what are those two things you ask?

Dr. Wright:
Right. You don't want the people to lean out and go "Oh my gosh!"

Lou:
Everyone, the cameraman, every person I see them go, "What are they?"

Dr. Wright:
You have been a terrific guest and I hope that we can have you back. You guys have been listening to the IDC dating podcast. IDC dating is where we're creating multicultural relationships everyday. Listen, remember, ignoring one's conscience, if I can get it out of my mouth, is neither safe nor right and this is Dr. Wright for idcdating.com. I'll see you next time.

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  1.   Sharon says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 08

    Hear hear...........if they can't kiss good they can to the horrizontal good! Stingy kissers are usually singy people... If you aren't even open for a kiss what could you be open for??? My lips are dangerous! And her lips though redder yet... kisses by starwberries when she set... Southern smiles and world peace, Sharon

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  2.   ivorymale says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 08

    OMG! love the article but more the comments. it gives a life long "A" kisser hope. always been told i was a good kisser i should be dead already for all the football players girls who would slip away to kiss in high school and it's worked that way through life. i never pass by an article on kissing because as far as i'm concerned, i don't feel that i'm that good a kisser. maybe that's why thinking you might be # 2 makes you try harder. i do think kissing require multi tasking, two pair of lips pressed together do not make a kiss. where are your hands hopefully not down south or wrapped tight around her body but behind her head, in her hair, on her cheeks, maybe her ears and temples moving changing pressure all the while using all your senses for feed back as to, is what your doing making her kiss and respond back and in increased intensity? if not adjust and keep homing in on her physical and emotional response. ( hey how much difference is there, this is oral sex if i every heard of it! and if your good at genital oral, responding to her and not to yourself you're in her groove, lol here too) and change you attack once you've gotten the desired result, can't keep doing the same thing for the next hour and an hour is never too long, as long as she is heating up , for men that's all they need to sense is her heat and they're inspired. they think they're in control, NOT!! but let us dream ladies. ok so this article touched my soul and i'm glad it did.

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  3.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 26 Jan 07

    why not clone women?

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  4.   Member says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 07

    Dear Dr Wright Thank you for the most interesting interview with Dr Lou. I felt like it really spoke to me directly and wish my partner was here to listen with me. pity I got to hear this at work.I would like to add that, in relationships, one should use the mathematical concept of equations that says...what you do on the right hand side, must be done exactly the same on the left hand side. I believe whoever initiated this concept had only the positive in mind whe they said this. Hence it is called equations, meaning that equality should prevail over whatever gender differences we experience in each other as men and women. We are living in an era where temptation is everywhere and easily accessible. To overcome this we need to be brave, committed, humble and wise in all personal decisions we make.I encourage partners to also be as communicative as possible..upfront and honest communication brings a lot of issues into perspective and clears things that could have been more complicated if they were to just be perceived. Thanks once again for this inspiration and I hope it gets spread as wide as possible all over the world for people to share. Keep informing us more

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  5.   nicefella115 says:
    Posted: 15 Jan 07

    clone me, clone me!!

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  6.   JustBelieve says:
    Posted: 12 Jan 07

    Couples should just do what is natural for men and women. In a previous time being a "Lady" was more than just knowing what spoon to hold during dinnter. Being a "Lady" was to be proud of one's femininity not an inate object. I stopped dating someone because I could tell that he was into porn and not romance. Many men today are unfortunately obsessed with fantasy than with real romance.

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  7.   texasbest says:
    Posted: 10 Jan 07

    kissing is great.

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  8.   Vonny says:
    Posted: 03 Jan 07

    This artical was great i thought i knew everything but wow now i know i didnt

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  9.   gms77 says:
    Posted: 30 Dec 06

    Nothing like a good kissin man!!

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  10.   xhotlover says:
    Posted: 24 Dec 06

    kiss is good.

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  11.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 16 Dec 06

    Where are those good kissing ladies!!! Throw us men a bone Leticia!!

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  12.   yoby says:
    Posted: 03 Dec 06

    by the way, we need also good kissing women!

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  13.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 21 Nov 06

    Good point Sweetest1...I doubt that any of us think we are bad kissers. Who would have the nerve to tell you otherwise?

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  14.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 02 Nov 06

    Please clone all the good kissing ladies out there...i can't take no more bad kisses

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  15.   ebonybeautyj says:
    Posted: 02 Nov 06

    Great article,I gleaned quiet a bit:)

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  16.   EMBRACEME says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 06

    HMMM CLONE ME AND I THINK THIS WORLD WOULD BE INTROUBLE... I THINK ONE OF ME IS ENOUGH

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  17.   Coco says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 06

    A really good kiss should make your toes curl :)

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  18.   iceburger says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 06

    I think kissing is one art that has been so much abused.

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  19.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 28 Sep 06

    How about cloning my ex-girlfriend who was the best kisser I was fortunate enough to find. Still think about those kisses to this day....wishing....

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  20.   bradlee says:
    Posted: 27 Sep 06

    And. Adding to my previous comment...I refuse to be cloned. Hell, I would lose my advantage. And we don't want that, do we..? Uhm...no, no sir. Say no to cloning!

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  21.   Mystify24 says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 06

    Wow! Great article! Would like to see more like this!!

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  22.   Sweetheart says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 06

    This was a great article, but I very rarly find a man who can kiss well, so maybe you should print an article about tips for kissing.

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  23.   sweetest1 says:
    Posted: 26 Sep 06

    This was a great articles... taking time to know your partner inside and out and being able to talk them are very important aspect of making love... not just the physical act.

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  24.   embraceme says:
    Posted: 25 Sep 06

    I dont know how many times I hear this from a man.. Please everyone touches a woman different.. In my case I havent found the man that kisses me just right.. You know ladies the kind you feel like you are melting within his mouth.. The one you feel your kness about to collaspe.. dayum where is that man lol..

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  25.   yoby says:
    Posted: 21 Sep 06

    fala maybe i can teach you something!!! lol

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  26.   bradlee says:
    Posted: 17 Sep 06

    But did anyone think how I would feel if there were my clones running around kissing girls..?!!

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  27.   fala says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 06

    good kissers are hard to find need more articles like this

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  28.   Natural72 says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 06

    I truly believe that kissing is one of the most intimate things 2 people can do. A kiss is a sure fire sign of how someone is really taking in the moment.

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  29.   Coco says:
    Posted: 09 Sep 06

    I love kissing, and I am good at it. I know that guys who have dated me remember the fact that I was a romantic and great kisser. Too bad not too many guys are truly good at kissing...

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  30.   6wings says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 06

    I love kissing. I always need more of that to get me started.

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  31.   Dora says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 06

    I love to kiss too. More should read this article.

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  32.   domlatrel says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 06

    I love to kiss I think kissing is an artform. Men who can really kiss are a rare find.

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  33.   Anonymous says:
    Posted: 24 Jun 06

    Lou, Thank You for saying the following: ......For women, often what happens is the man is thinking that the penetrative intercourse is the only thing that is going to be working for her and what I can say from a database information standpoint, from a sexual education standpoint and from someone whose listened to thousands of people speak and from my scientist background, that is not the action that works for the majority of women. To the contrary, penetrative intercourse is not the number one way most women receive the greatest amount of pleasure. It is mainly through oral stimulation and manual and the main reason is because then there is a direct, constant warm contact with the clitoral area which for a good percentage of women is the most and hottest way for them to receive pleasure. In my experience: Actually penetrative intercourse does nothing for me except makes me feel temporarily close to him but is very frustrating because it does nothing to bring orgasm for me. This is probably why I don't have any boyfriend right now. Sex isn't worth it for me. I tried to shrug it off and just relax or to try and educate the guy but in the end the guy doesn't understand and I feel like I'm just being used. He has a great time but not me. I come away feeling like I'm sexually disfunctional and want to cry. Why aren't men educated that it's about stimulation with the tongue for the woman and not necessarily penetration? The women that are stimulated by the penis are soooo lucky. I don't think men care very much what makes a woman tick and think they will continue thinking that just because penetration does it for himself, it also does it for her. This is why I continue to get pictures of penises emailed to me on dating sites. Big Deal. I wish that men understood and would learn how to use their tongues. I'm going to read your books. I don't know if they will help if the guy doesn't read and apply them though.

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  34.   RJdancer says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 06

    great stuff, sistah Wright, I am so so so ready for this kind of information to be available. Everytime I find someone compatible on a dating site, I always think, "gosh if we could just read the same book or go to a seminar or something and be on the same page about how to proceed. I am certain that I want to hold out as long as posible so that a real intimacy can become a lasting relationship. Perhaps we can begin by making an agreement about that: the discussion and creation of foreplay, not sex. hmmmmm my next partner will be the luckiest guy for sure (smile) thanks again

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  35.   HomoCuckDad says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 06

    RE: Lou Paget, Sex Educator RE: Successful kisser mutation – Sperm bank not necessary “Men who kiss well should be cloned” Dear Dr. Paget; Very nice that you say, all this, but as a fabulous kisser, I don’t’ see anything much in the way of results in the form of success. What to do? I almost feel that you might as well have been directing this interview at me, personally. I have an intense craving for love and am exceedingly fortunate to be enjoying a very deep and intense love relationship with a woman (Diane, who is, however, in menopause) that is at once ethnic and religious but also either a quirk of nature or the result of Devine intervention. I would as well leave it at that except that I feel – and Diane agrees with me – that, being that I am said to be “talented”, I really should have fathered children. Now Diane and I are in our early 60s and, although the possibility of our marriage is on the table for discussion, we also understand that the hitch is the possibility that I might have a second woman in my life, one who is of child-bearing age. As has been the case throughout my life, there is something about me nearly all most women simply do not like - that is why I have never had the chance to father a child – and this is still the case, despite my continued maturation and development of social and psychological skills. Diane and I do not have “sex” (“insertions or penetration”) but are fully content to confine ourselves to kissing, hugging and touching. Yes, I do things like the porns and the bathhouses for “hot” sex – something that Diane actually likes – but I am always on the alert for that second woman in my life, and, if I ever give up, then Diane already knows what will happen: We will get married. However, my life’s work will not stop there because I will then devote the rest of my life to making it more likely that men like me might have better luck than I did. Until then my strategy will be to seek out a second woman who appreciates me for my “talent”, my love for children and skills as a father, the time and value that I have put into my cultural heritage and the intensity of my love, but who will agree to let me continue to have Diane as part of my life; in order to make that palatable, and in order to compensate for the fact that I am not much of a “sex partner” (heterosexually) it will be understood that she will have to go outside our relationship to find the “hot” sex that I am unable to provide. But my love is overflowing – when walking along the street I often get the impulse to kiss a woman (but I know better than to do that – I don’t want to get my face slapped). I have been told that there simply “is no such thing” as any woman who will ever tolerate the existence of a second woman in her man’s life – that it just is not part of feminine nature. Yet, we today have things like deliberate, single-mother homes, gay marriages and ever so many women who wind up never having any children at all – all of which I greatly deplore. After a marriage of 20 years that ended in the most incredibly ugly divorce case on record, I am pursuing my second career as a writer, and, although it may not be likely, I may some day get my name on the map and—who knows? – even become “rich and famous.” Would that solve my problems? Diane and I agree that it is more likely to make my problems even worse, since the only women who will “accept” me then are women who would never have looked at me before: women who are only interested in the wrong things – like money. This will worsen my problems, because then I will have the additional burden of trying to filter out such women from the ones who – had they known about me earlier – would have accepted me. * * * My question is this: Speaking as a woman, do you think that Diane and I are being realistic in pursuing this strategy? I am talking about an “open marriage”, but one that is stable, includes our children, intimacy, a cultural and spiritual life, and is viable in the sense that other men might be able to do the same some day. And besides the fact that there seems to be “something” about my personality that women do not like, there is also the fact that I am up against such things as opposition to eugenics (I have often been profiled as a “nazi” because of my German identity) and “women’s lib” (something that I don’t think would ever have come into being, had there been more men like me during the second half of the last century), all of which reflects a pre-judgment and a misunderstanding that I am trying to rectify in my work as a writer. Besides that, and the web’s dating services, can you think of any way that a man like me can broadcast his identity to the sorts of women who might appreciate him, not only for his “talent” but – more importantly -- for the intensity of his Christian love. And not only his love for women/a a woman, but his love for humankind generally? Looking forward to hearing from you, Walter

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  36.   Glo4pride says:
    Posted: 23 Jun 06

    Wow this is wonderful. I love this article. I would like to hear more on sex education. I love it. I want to say Thx to LOU. I loved her talk.

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