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My white boyfriend actually understands my racial prejudices

Posted by Juan, 11 Jul

So many people expect people who date interracially to have no racial prejudices. Well, I have a confession to make.

Talking racial prejudices with your interracial partner

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I am a black woman dating a white man. People don’t expect me to have any racial bias. Well, I admit that I do. I get angry at myself sometimes because of it. I have a white boyfriend. And yet I still carry that f*cking racial prejudice with me. What the f**k is wrong with me?

Well, my prejudices all stem from the racial profiling that exists in America. What is racial profiling in my context? Well, for me, it’s mostly because black men in this society keep being victimized for the color of their skin. And from time to time, they are accused of having committed offenses they have not.

In recent years, we have seen a rise in racial profiling. White cops have been arresting and shooting black men over suspicion that they are perpetrators of crimes. The problem is: most of this crimes were never committed. Black men get shot because someone somewhere thought they were ‘about’ to commit a crime.

Now, I am not excusing my biases but honestly, I am sure you understand.

My nemesis is a white male, hot and irresistible

See, I met this guy at a conference I once attended. And for unknown reasons, we had this irresistible connection. I had never dated a white man before. And believe me, I tried to block my feelings for this man. And all this is because of the racial stereotypes embedded deep inside of me.

Now, I did all within my power to avoid this hottie at the conference. I would sit somewhere far from him. But whenever we took a tea break, he would come find me. So on this day, I brought the conversation about the killings of innocent black men by white cops. What made me admire this man, is that he agreed that there is a lot of profiling in this country. Plus, the words that made me decide to give him a chance is when he said: “I understand where you are coming from”. We got to talking about racial inequality and he acknowledges the sad fact that other races are discriminated against. We spoke about racial inequality. And much as I was always against white supremacy, he seemed not to be bothered by it. He kept the conversation going.

The beauty about this man who is my boyfriend now is that he doesn’t hide behind the “I don’t see race” façade. He understands why his racial identity matters in our relationship and how the dynamics of race, gender, and privilege play out. My boyfriend acknowledges that there are places we will go where people will treat me like a second-class citizen. He lets me speak openly about my prejudices and he understands me. He lets me be true to myself and feelings about how there is no racial equality.

The thing is, we can’t run away from the history of racial segregation just because we are in love. However, we can navigate through these issues of white privilege especially when it concerns white man black woman relationships.

My boyfriend doesn’t deny the fact that there are certain privileges that come with him being a white male. And he understands that these things matter to me and he lets me vent whenever I see some inequalities happening to black people. This talking about race is that it has helped me reflect on the dynamics of race and gender in our own relationship. Much as it’s not easy to talk about these things, with time we have discovered what works for us.

It all comes down to being understanding

First off, when I make a snappy comment about something, he encourages me to talk about it. And with time, I have found the courage to bring these things up as opposed to sweeping them under the rug. Sometimes, he might make a racialized statement that may have offended me. These days, I have learned to openly point such things out and I explain why I got offended. Trust me, when in an interracial relationship, you can’t run away from these things. My boyfriend acknowledges that we were raised in different communities. And he knows he can’t pretend to imagine what it’s like. I also say things about white people that offend him sometimes. And we talk about it.

The thing that is making our relationship work is because my partner cares about racial justice. He is also open to learning some of the issues black people are grappled with. And we are learning and growing together.

Race is a very important issue for most women of color. So, some small comment can be misinterpreted as being devalued as a black woman. That doesn’t mean that my man doesn’t get offended. There are times these conversations about white privilege make him uncomfortable. And there are times when some white person makes a comment which seems racially degrading, it makes him uncomfortable too. However, we have learned to get the conversation going because racism isn’t over. And if we are to have a long-term relationship, we cannot run away from it. We will have to talk about race with our mixed race kids if we get there (which I hope and pray we do).

We all have our prejudices. And being in an interracial relationship is one racial bias test. But the only way to eliminate our biases is to acknowledge that they are there.

I am glad that my man understands and acknowledges that some of these things do and will always bother me. And I am glad that our relationship is based on love and support. And I know, for as long as we are together, the conversation about racial prejudices isn’t over just yet…

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20 responses to "My white boyfriend actually understands my racial prejudices"

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  1.   warmbutshy says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 18

    Nice article. I wish my ex really understood the issues that I had to deal with on a regular basis. He said he did but nahh, he didn't. Looking back I think he was trying to tell himself that he was not racist by marrying a black woman. His true character came out thats why he is my ex, was not going to put up with that.

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  2.   Browneet says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 18

    what i liked about this article these two couples understands and willing to work through their indifference addressing racism..if they didnt love each other they wouldnt be together

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  3.   Browneet says:
    Posted: 19 Jan 18

    evil comes in all colors..im tired of hearing black people being slave back in the days..get over it...its about true love..and that perfects character...and as a human being no ones on this earth is perfect..there are some racism in all colors..

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  4.   Mosiah7 says:
    Posted: 26 Jul 17

    Becky understands too

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  5.   Majenta says:
    Posted: 24 Jul 17

    I love the fact that they are very open and true to each other, this is what builds a bond.

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  6.   DaUnik1 says:
    Posted: 19 Jul 17

    If I saw a white woman that was very attractive to me and wanted to get with her, I'd do everything in my power to have her. I'd be in perfect alignment with her even if she called most black man a bunch of lazy thugs. I hope you get my drift. "What made me admire this man, is that he agreed that there is a lot of profiling in this country. Plus, the words that made me decide to give him a chance is when he said: “I understand where you are coming from.” Why wouldn't this white man said that; knowing he'd do anything to get with you? Let me tell you something sister: The fact of the matter is, we'll ALWAYS be slaves in the eyes of our enemies. The only thing this white man wants from you is the goodness of a black woman, and nothing more. Just as when they stole us from the shores of Africa, they saw profits, and the people who would build their empire by the means of hard bondage (slavery). Since physical slavery no longer exists, now they can indulge in the sweet flesh of these black slaves who are under the mind control of psychological and mental slavery mentality. You'll never know the real agenda and mindsets of the white man and that's just the truth. Btw, I know this is a "interracial" site, but I'm only on here for my black queen.

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 23 Jul 17

      DaUnik1 if you are here for a Black Queen then maybe you should go to Black Planet or BlackPeople meet The BW that are on this board do not hold the same racial prejudices and racist ideologies that you seem to have. Not all BW or BM from America were slaves and that mentality is what is keeping you a slave. Mind your power. We are here to select character over color. As a Christian I don't care what color a man is I only care about his character.

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  7.   Summer_03 says:
    Posted: 17 Jul 17

    Good article and very relevant too!!

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  8.   David_6ft5in says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 17

    Damn, there's no edit option.. The last sentence should be...."I would be surprised if you didn't treat black women as worse than property."

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  9.   David_6ft5in says:
    Posted: 14 Jul 17

    ajwasp, you sound like a pure troll. So, glad that you have the God like ability to know what I and all the other white males think. LOL I wouldn't be surprised if you don't treat black women as worse than property.

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  10.   italdreamer says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 17

    I loved your post. I believe that your boyfriend is a lucky man, because you are a great woman. Keep on fighting, and loving him.

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  11.   ajwasp says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 17

    White men in America will always view black women as property. No matter how good u "think" he is to u. Smh. Nomatter how good u think he is. Hate,violence,racism. Its in American white man blood . They all feel an Entitlement to black women. I see all kinds of black females with white and Hispanic men who deep down can't stand black men. On any level. Hate to the core of were u came from. But will have sex with u. Lust. Lust only. It will NEVER be true love the white man has for you. He is incapable of giving the type of love a black woman needs. He will always be a horny devil playing the part of one that cares. Always be the cohabitant. Never will he be a true partner.

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    • SecondsOut says:
      Posted: 16 Jul 17

      I don't think its fair to generalize all white men, but I can honestly say I've dealt with this firsthand from an ex I dated in my early 20s..and it damn near pushed me away from considering to date another white man. He hated black men to the core, and would sound off racist things against black people out of anger..but had a sexual fetish for black women. It took a while to come out, but once I realized what I was dealing with..I eventually walked away. I've also come across white men who are curious.. So I understand your post in a way.. With that said..I feel not all are this way! I can pretty much detect it now..and I'm very selective, but let's not generalize.

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      • DaUnik1 says:
        Posted: 19 Jul 17

        There's always that one black person who'd say "Not all white people are evil." But as there were house slaves back in the plantations, so are modern ones in our current time. I think you should really understand the psychological process that our people went through to the point of even defending those who enslaved us. If one fails to study true history, then he'll be doomed to repeat it. The children inherit the ways of their fathers my dear. They're very good in concealing their true agenda and mindset from you even while living with you.

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        • MarcP1 says:
          Posted: 23 Jul 17

          Knowing and not shying away from our true history is key. The documentary named "Hidden Colors" is fantastic in revealing parts of our true history.

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        • blackbelle01 says:
          Posted: 30 Jul 17

          Go to Black people meet.com and you can find your Black Queen there why come to an IR site, You are not here for a Black Queen you are here to spout your racial hatred for a race of people that you obviously feel inferior to.

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      • somebloke78 says:
        Posted: 30 Jul 17

        I agree with you Seconds out, it's not fair to generalise any race or group of people. There is good and bad in every race and every religion.

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      • Favored17 says:
        Posted: 03 Oct 17

        Pity you had a bad experience. Bad people come in all colors. When we have someone like ajwasp spewing hate, is it any wonder white people find it hard to like us? There is a time and place for everything. God help us.

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    • aujus says:
      Posted: 17 Jul 17

      Saltier than a bag 'o chips...chill with the trolling, it's just a dating site, but still 7/10 for the effort.

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