Is Race really the problem or just the excuse?
Recently, a very close friend made a leap of faith from the comfortable and into the unknown. Despite all the well wishes and strokes of "you can do it", it took reading a story about a guy that didn't let the fact that he was a "minority within a minority culture", stop him from pursuing his dream...to convince her that sometimes you've got to do what you love...no excuses!
How many of you have ever felt so passionately about something or someone until you asked the opinion of another? Then you went spinning into the pit of the uncertainty, confusion and maybe even doubt? Perhaps it was about a change in your career, buying or selling a piece of property or dating someone of a different nationality. We often hear the experts say that we should not share our dreams with too many people. The reason is simple. People, are fickle. They can have the best intentions in the world. However; their passions are not yours and vise versa.
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This past Tuesday a new documentary was released to DVD called "Afro Punk". The Los Angeles times ran an article and interview with the movies creator, a brother named James Spooner. Spooner talks about how the ethnic identity of the African American musicians along with their "deep attraction to the aesthetics and idealism of punk rock often keeps them from being fully accepted as a member of either group". How true is that in multicultural dating? It seems as though we are either not understood or misunderstood. Either way, it sometimes becomes easier to give up than to give it another try.
That is why it's so important to have a network of like-minded friends; friends that you can make here on our site. You wouldn't consult a foot doctor about an issue with your heart. You wouldn't ask a virgin for sex advice or tips. So, why would anyone rely on the sole opinion of their family and friends about dating someone of a different cultural, if they have never dated anyone outside of their own race? Crazier things have happened.
Now back to the documentary. I haven't seen it yet but the article did capture my attention enough to share it with a friend. Recently, she made a choice to end a twenty year career of working for someone else. Her career had come to a stand-still, the passion was there but the results were not. How many times have we stayed in a relationship long after we've know it was over? Using excuses like, "he/she is a good person", "at least I know what their faults are and I don't have to start all over with someone new".
I didn't say they were good excuses...just excuses. No matter what well meaning friends say like, "you can do better" or "that job/man/woman doesn't appreciate you," each person has to find out for themselves and make that ultimate decision to stay or go...on their own.
What really hit home for me in the article was the passion and dedication that this young black man had for a culture that looked nothing like him. In a society that is quick to stereotype and categorize you. James Spooner isn't afraid to do what he loves and loves what he does. How many of us can honestly stand tall and firm when we are not understood or misunderstood? Somehow I think that both James and my friend will be better than okay with their choices to pursue greatness even when mediocrity is handed to us on a platter.
Don't you deserve to have a love that shares your beliefs, goals and is with you for all the right reasons? What have you done lately to reward the greatness in you? Oh, yeah that's right...you came here. Go make a friend, you both deserve it.
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Responses to "Is Race really the problem or just the excuse?"
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dawn says:Posted: 02 Jan 09although this artical is now 3 yrs old it hit home for me.... i have been bouncing back and fourth between staying with my man. who left me for 3 yrs after 5 1/2 yrs together yes he cheated. and moved in with her not telling me he was doing this he just disappeared. but back to the hitting home part he called me a yr ago and we have been seeing each other since (yes crazy white girl here) but in the past few months i have been trying to deicide if i should stay with him or not (i knew deep in my heart he was my soulmate) but now i am not so sure i still love him but that love has changed maybe i just needed the closure but as this artical hit home i now know it is time to move on thank you
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ebonybeautyj says:Posted: 15 Dec 06Race may or may not be the issue here-depends on the person and/or circumstance
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marquez097 says:Posted: 12 Dec 06In my experience many people look for whatever reason they can to not move forward with what they want to do. Race just may be one of the excuses.
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galf says:Posted: 04 Dec 06I what I see about this article is about being passionate about what you love and who you are. In an interracial relationship there will always be people who don't understand or disagree with it but we cannot let those outside comments influence how we feel. If you get too much of the negative it is good to have a support base of like minded people who understand and, in some cases, going through the same thing. Because if your feelings are true and the passion are real then that is all that should matter.
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aantonio says:Posted: 10 Nov 06
WOW interesting piece of article. Ethnicity is real, however people need to see ethnic compatibility instead of excuses.
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ebonybeautyj says:Posted: 04 Nov 06
Race is real yet we must move forward in avenues such as this to quelch it!
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Mel says:Posted: 26 Oct 06Race is a social construct designed to distract us from the more important social and economic issues that affect our lives. Our first responsibility is to ourselves: we can't expect others to make us happy, but others can contribute to or try to take away our happiness. In that, we have to create a life we can live with, with the knowledge and acceptance that at anytime, we have the right to change our minds. Fear, insecurity, miseducation, and inadequacy are just a few factors that breed racism. It's up to the few individuals like the ones who join dating sites such as this to remember who they are and stand by their convictions. The AfroPunk docu is excellent, btw. I had the opportunity to attend a few screenings and parties in NYC. James Spooner has just finished a second film. It's really important for us to step out of our collective bubbles and step into the unknown. It's the only way to heal the wounds of the past.
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iceburger says:Posted: 13 Oct 06I believe, in some dating circles, race is just more than an issue.
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Ann says:Posted: 10 Oct 06Sad, some men on this site are looking for only one thing and do not respect women. That does not change who I know that I am and WHO I believe in.
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RayneDelay says:Posted: 08 Oct 06
This is a great article, I enjoyed reading the comments as well. Thanks to interracial dating and mating society will become one color, beige. Whyte in response to your article, I love the example and the point you are trying to make. However, I will have to say that I disagree. Moses was never in an interracial relationship because he was Black like his Black Ethiopian wife.
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HEARTNSOUL23 says:Posted: 05 Oct 06
VERY INTERESTING ARTICLE, THANKS FOR SHARING!
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sweetheart says:Posted: 04 Oct 06
Race is an excuse because there is usually bigger issue.
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Ann says:Posted: 02 Oct 06
Yes, sharing beliefs and the other important things in life makes great communication easy and a geeod relationship better.
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JADE74 says:Posted: 02 Oct 06Love the person for who they are not their race..Love all the comments...especially WHYTBOY...THANK YOU FOR GOING TO THE BIBLE ON INTERRACAIAL.
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Coco says:Posted: 23 Sep 06you like who you like, and that's that. Great comments here!
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TrueHarmony says:Posted: 22 Sep 06I couldn't have said it better than Fala and Ann. They are right on target!
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Ann says:Posted: 21 Sep 06
Have we in most races learned by now that what "they" told us about each other just was not true?
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Fala says:Posted: 19 Sep 06
Race is a purely social construct. Racism is learned no one is born a racist.
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6wings says:Posted: 12 Sep 06
racism is a disease and it's killing some of us, to read the nasty replies we get on this site, just for being black.
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fala says:Posted: 09 Sep 06
Just say no to racism! Treat all people the way you want to be treated -no matter what they look like or where they are from.
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Natural72 says:Posted: 08 Sep 06
Yup being a minority within the minority can be challenging at best. However, not living you life to its fullest is not living at all. If my mate is of a different ethnicity, I'd rather have happiness with him than to settle for anything less.
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Coco says:Posted: 06 Sep 06
I have been the only black in my organization for 2 years. There have been times when I felt like i was being treated differently but I spoke up. Sometimes people will get away with as much as you let them so don't let them! I don't make my race an issue and I don't let anyone else either.
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ahmad says:Posted: 06 Sep 06i tip my hat to everyone who speaks out here! black or white or red or yellow or brown or multi colors. its about what is in a person heart and head. if they have a common bond. understanding and respect for one another is very important. where you find your soulmate is where you find him/her. life is short. so enjoy it!!!!!!
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fabiana says:Posted: 04 Sep 06GOD LOVES ALL THE RACES LANGUAGES AND PEOPLE HE TELL EVERYBODY TO LOVE EACH OTHERS AS THEY LOVE THEMSELVES. SO I'M WITH HIM COLOR IS THE PROBLEM FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW JESUS LOVES.THERE IS A LOT OF MORE THAN BLACK AND WHITE.WHAT WE HAVE INSIDE,IS THE ESSENCE FOR THE TRUE LOVE.
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sweetest1 says:Posted: 04 Sep 06I am undergoing a huge change in my life as well... and the career that I am passionate about was spoiled by racism of ppl who couldn't accept the fact that my daughter is mixed, and being in a trade dominated by white males... that just didn't fly. I'm looking and will hopefully find something that just as passionate about that I wouldn't have to endure the 'good ol boy' mentality.
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jckappa says:Posted: 25 Aug 06I've seen society's acceptance of IR dating grow over the last ten years. Ten years ago, my girlfriend and I would have a large percentage of people staring in public and now it hardly goes noticed. Progress takes time but I think it has moved in the right direction. I feel like a lot of what people see is percieved rather than real. So focus on your relationship rather than the public's perception of your relationship.
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yoby says:Posted: 25 Aug 06
well i guess the human being is divided into two big groups, the curious and the not curious, the curious want to experience life and the other simply follow some rules somebody told them, maybe since they were children, and accept them as they are, and they don't reflect on them, even racism is so stupid and based on some pseudo-fear belief people give each other from generation to generation, like the fear of the foreign person, which can be everything!!! as long as theses kind of peoiple exist, and have power, the world is not going to become better! so what? i like my world too much!!! peace, love & joy to all!
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WHYTB0Y says:Posted: 25 Aug 06MYSELF LIKE I,M SURE MANY OTHERS HAVE ,HAS COME ACROSS RACISM IN SEVERAL FORMS NOT JUST DATING. IT,S THAT CLOSED MINDEDNESS THAT THROWS THIS WORLD BACK 200 HUNDRED YEARS,WHEN WE AS A PEOPLE AS A PLANET ACT IN SUCH A DISGRACEFULL MANOR WE IN ESSENCE ONLY SELL OURSELVES INTO THE BONDAGE OF HATE AND IGNORANCE WHEN WHITES SAY COMMENTS LIKE THEM N##^# SHOULD STILL BE SLAVES, THE PERSON TO UTTER SUCH A IGNORANT COMMENT IS IN FACT A SLAVE HIMSELF. HE IS A SLAVE TO HIS OWN MISEDUCATION, AS RACISM IS NOT INSTILLED AT BIRTH IT IS LEARNED AND SPREAD LIKE A DISEASE AND THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO EMBRACE SUCH ILL MANNERED SPEECH WILL NEVER TRULY BE FREE. I LEARNED A LONG TIME AGO THAT WHEN YOU LET OTHERS RUN YOUR LIFE AND MAKE YOUR DECISIONS 10 OUT OF TEN TIMES YOU WILL NOT LIKE THE CHOICES THEY MAKE.IN OUR US CONSTITUTION IT STATES ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL BUT OUR FOREFATHERS FOR SOME REASON FORGOT TO MENTION THAT WHILE YES ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, NOT ALL MEN ARE NOT TREATED EQUAL. IN THE BIBLE (GENESIS) GOD SAYS HE CREATED MAN, HE SAID MAN HE DID NOT SAY ONE PARTICULAR RACE JUST SIMPLY MAN. NOW IF WE LOOK AT WHAT DEFINES A MAN, WELL THATS EASY A MAN IS A HUMAN BEING, BLACK MAN, WHITE MAN,ASIAN MAN, LATIN MAN. WE ARE ALL MAN. AND ANOTHER THING MR MOSES ,YOU REMEMBER HIM I'M SURE, YOU KNOW OF HIM DIVIDING THE RED SEA OK , WELL HERE IS A BIT OF BIBLICAL HISTORY SOME MIGHT KNOW OTHERS MIGHT NOT,BUT AFTER READING YOU'LL BE SAYING GO MOSES GO MOSES LOL.WELL IT SEEMS MISTER MOSES WAS NOT SATISFIED WITH HIS OWN RACE SO HE BRANCHED OUT AND BECAME THE ORIGINAL FATHER OF INTERRACIAL MARRIAGE,, READ ON YALL ,I PROMISS YOU'LL LIKE IT ,,,NUMBERS CHAPTER,12 VERSE,1-10 GOES LIKE THIS --------> 1 Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married; for he had married an Ethiopian woman. 2 So they said, “Has the LORD indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us also?” And the LORD heard it. (UH OH YOU KNOW THIS AINT GONNA BE PRETTY LOL)3 (Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth.) 4 Suddenly the LORD said to Moses, Aaron, and Miriam, “Come out, you three, to the tabernacle of meeting!”(GODS HOLY TENT) So the three came out. 5 Then the LORD came down in the pillar of cloud and stood in the door of the tabernacle, and called Aaron and Miriam. And they both went forward. 6 Then He said, “Hear now My words: If there is a prophet among you, I, the LORD, make Myself known to him in a vision; I speak to him in a dream. 7 Not so with My servant Moses; He is faithful in all My house. 8 I speak with him face to face, Even plainly, and not in dark sayings; And he sees the form of the LORD. Why then were you not afraid To speak against My servant Moses?” 9 So the anger of the LORD was aroused against them, and He departed. 10 And when the cloud departed from above the tabernacle, suddenly Miriam became leprous, as white as snow. OK THIS IS HOW I SEE IT , GOD OBVIOUSLY HAD NO PROBLEMB WITH INTERRACIAL DATING/MARRIAGE IF HE DID I'M SURE HE WOULD HAVE PULLED MOSES OFF TO THE SIDE AND SAID LISTEN YOUR MY FAITHFUL SERVANT AND YOUR COOL AND ALL, BUT I'M NOT REALLY FEELING THE WHOLE MIXING OF THE RACE THING . AND MOSES WOULD HAVE INSTANTLY OBEYED GOD AND LEFT HER ,BUT GOD OBVIOUSLY HAD NO PROBLEMB WITH IT. SO AS FAR AS THIS MAN IS CONCERNED IF THE MOST IMPORTANT MY GOD IS FINE WITH IT ,THEN I WILL NEVER STRESS OVER WHAT ANY MAN HAS TO SAY ABOUT IT.AND I APPLAUD MOSES THE FATHER OF INTERRACIALISM . SEE THE BIBLE AINT AS BORING AS YOU MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT (WINK WINK)LOL
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Corey says:Posted: 24 Aug 06
As someone who dates outside his race, you see more of the racism that still exists even to this day.
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Ruben says:Posted: 24 Aug 06Personally, people are the problem. It's just ignorance.
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EMBRACEME says:Posted: 24 Aug 06
THIS ARTICLE DESCRIBES LOVE PASSION AND DESIREE.. IF YOU UNDERSTOOD THE MEANING OF IT.. IN TODAYS WORLD YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE IS WHAT IT IS... YOU MUST NOT LET RACE , LIFE STYLE, OR FAMILY STAND IN THE WAY OF COMPLETING YOURSELF.. WHO YOU LOVE SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT WHAT COLOR YOU ARE WHAT SEX YOU ARE.. BE YOU LOVE AND HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH..THID WORLD WILL NEVER ACCEPT IT.. BUT WITH MORE AND MORE INTERRACIAL DATING ,, A FEW HAS TURNED INTO MANY.. WE STAND TOGETHER LET LOVE BE BLIND...
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Carla says:Posted: 24 Aug 06
Racism is real but totally ridicilous...my theory is definitly happiness no matter what the race...too bad more dont feel that way....
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Cuondo06 says:Posted: 24 Aug 06I believe that racism should be something buried in the history of the past,and those still dwelling in it are living in wrong times.If one is happy why should we deny her/him?We are living on borrowed time,so please make use of it positively and wisely.
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TARIKK says:Posted: 09 Aug 06
We will never witness a color blind society in our life time. America is and will always be hung up on color, as an African American male, for me to achieve its a much harder road because I have to deal with racism which is so prevalent in our country, this will continue as long as there is 20% of the population running the country, believe me it will get much worse before it gets better.
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Kitson33 says:Posted: 03 Aug 06I dont see anything wrong in dating IR. As a british woman who frequents the states, I have found that my accent and my looks, seem to get so much attention. I have had Hispanic, Black, Latino fellas wanting to chat me up. Mind you I had a bit of face paint on so I guess that helps lol. Live and let live thats what I say.
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GodisTrue says:Posted: 30 Jul 06
Its hard enough to come together, add on a jealous divorcee mother, who acts like a girlfriend, and a father who always plays mind games to make you do exactly what he wants you to do...friends who only discourage, workplace associates who think they are well wishers and get in the way.... so many interruptions...7+yrs of him following his dream, and me supporting him...people are influenced by their environtment, helplessly...so one has to be super xtra strong to do whats right for oneself...its a constant wave of challenges...at the end of the day, we must not let outside influences weigh us down...It all is in the intentions in ones' heart and the work put into it that will lead to success in any scenario. (=
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chocolatecandy911 says:Posted: 29 Jul 06I don't care what any white or black or other says about me dating outside my race. I have never been to match.com because there are just too many freaks on that site. They are looking for a quick roll in the hay and nothing more. Thank god for different cultures. It makes life more interesting and fun. Can you imagine what this world would be like with just one culture. Where everybody talked and looked alike. We have more incommon than not. Racism is an excuse for someone blamimg another for their mistakes and misfortunes. One has nothing to do with the other. It was funny in the movie, Something new, how the black woman kept trying to prove she was still down with the culture. People were looking at her like whatever. It's terrible how people play God, like they created the races and put breath into someone, and can control when they die or live, and how. We are all dust and to dust we shall return. The earth doesn't care if your black or white your going into it one day. Racism is still very much alive everywhere not just America. Family and friends have the best intentions but if they tell you who and what can make you happy because it's easier they will never step out on their dreams. Always afraid of what someone will say or whisper, or stare. You get one shot in this life, why not take it and explore all God's beautiful people.
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Jermain says:Posted: 28 Jul 06its sad really that in that we in our culture cant totally accept people from different races dating or in a relationship.I think we as america needs to change because rather people accept it or not this country is becoming more multicultural all the time. People from all races all walks of life are here. We as a countyr dont need hate or dislike it we should embrace it.I dont care about race. I want a woman who love me forme just as i would love her. I dont know if I will ever find her but I wont give up.
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