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Sexual Abuse and behavior problems don't just happen to someone else!

Posted by Leticia, 15 Aug

Have you noticed behavior from a loved one or friend that confuses you? Perhaps their actions are inappropriate and you're not sure what to do or if you are just over reacting. Sometimes people's actions are a cry for help. Are you really listening or are you subscribing to the "somebody else's problem" way of thinking?

We often joke about people coming out of relationships with some extra "baggage". In some cases, that baggage that we're talking about is childhood wounds and secrets that were barely mentioned; let alone treated. I'm referring to sexual abuse. It's the thing that a lot of families don't talk about, or maybe don't even know about because the victims are sworn or threatened into secrecy.

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Let's first dispel the myths. Sexual abuse doesn't just happen to children, women or one race or religion. However, when it happens during your childhood and is not detected or addressed, then it could led to a lifetime of "baggage" and emotional trauma. It affects us all because we are all connected. That abused little girl grows up to believe that she has to use her body to get what she wants in this world. So, she does, with your brother, son, father, husband.

That little abused boy grows up not trusting, because the people he thought should have saved him didn't and now he's not only confused about his own sexuality he has to prove to himself that he is a man by being with as many women as he can.

I'm always stunned when I hear people put down getting professional help. Usually it's people that have never spoken with a psychologist or therapist of any sort that have the strongest opinions about why they don't work. The truth is that we need to talk to someone. There are more and more people walking around this earth that have had some form of physical, mental or emotional abuse than not. Chances are if you were not a victim as a child or young adult, someone you know was.

This affects the way they communicate with others. It affects their ability to trust and be trusted. The saddest part is that there are some of us that don't realize that there was abuse in our past and that it is not Normal and it certainly was NOT your fault!

Have you ever seen an adult play with a child or talk about a child in a way that made you feel uncomfortable? Don't ignore the behavior or your gut. Ask questions. We often hear the horror stories after the fact. Then people close to the situation say there were signs, they just didn't want to believe it.

Here's just a few:

  • Talks again and again about the sexual activities of children or teens

  • Talks about sexual fantasies with children

  • Was abused as a child and won't deal with it

  • Encourages silence and secrets in children

  • Collects or enjoys looking at child pornography

  • Asks adult partners to dress or act like a child or teen during sexual activity

  • Spends most spare time on activities involving children or teens, not adults

If you know someone or suspect that perhaps you may have a problem talk with someone right away. Get help. There are a ton of agencies listed on the internet that you can contact to get the information and assistance that you need to address your individual situation.

No one can turn back the hands of time and undo any wrong that has been done to you or someone you love. What we can do is stop this from happening to anyone else that we love.

I'll help you get started now...here's a toll free number for help 1 888 PREVENT.

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Responses to "Sexual Abuse and behavior problems don't just happen to someone else!"

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  1.   dodes says:
    Posted: 21 Sep 06

    don't ever stop talking about this. or put it aside. i did. for too long. i pushed it down, down deep just so i could carry on. i knew in my heart that i was keeping someone else's secret. i was quiet because it would be too uncomfortable for them. it would make their life too difficult. that's what it does to you. makes you think about them first, they are the important ones. that's what they want you to think. it's a head thing more than a sex thing. i am 53 yrs old and tackling this thing full-on for the first time in my life. it is the hardest thing i ever did. but the most necessary. and no matter who understands or doesn't, or who supports me or not, i'm doing it. i am doing it it took me a long time to get to this place. but i'm here now. my heart is with all of you who are affected by this. stand tall and don't lose your swagger

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  2.   Kalilah says:
    Posted: 21 Sep 06

    Wonderful information...all mothers and fathers should be aware of who they bring around their children as well.

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  3.   URPRINCESS41 says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 06

    TY, THIS IS VERY GOOD INFORMATION

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  4.   Marquez097 says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 06

    I hope people are taking this article to heart. Its a serious issue.

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  5.   babymeat says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 06

    im going to print this and show all my friends, thanks!

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  6.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 06

    my cousin has been a victim when u was youger, 20 years later, she still can not forget it.

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  7.   ebonybeautyj says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 06

    This is a great article. THANKS!

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  8.   Daphne says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 06

    I was raped by a Man with a very large penis at the age of 21. 21 years ago. To this day I am afraid of men, I lived with women for the better part of my life but that's not who I am anymore. I am seeking the Man that God would have for me but before he comes I want to be healed of the baggage. And how do you share all of this with the right guy?

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  9.   notshytc says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 06

    recovery from abuse can be so difficult and a support system of friends and family are so important....great article

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  10.   HEARTNSOUL23 says:
    Posted: 17 Sep 06

    Thanks for sharing and also for all the information this site has been providing..... My heart goes out to all who are hurting by an abuser or anything else, as I was abused by a partner 4 years ago... Its hard, but once you learn to love yourself again and take back your life......you can live a good life.

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  11.   justknwoingu says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 06

    very good article, and informative...I will pass this along!

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  12.   Ruben says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 06

    I like articles like these. Relates to everyday life.

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  13.   6wings says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 06

    it's a great article and i want to know if and how i can ask questions about this issue

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  14.   Hazeleyes777 says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 06

    Sometimes children think they have to stay out of the way of busy parents. Being too preoccupied with making a living and a social life sometimes doen not leave room for the attention children need and that is something that is noticed by a predator.

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  15.   iceburger says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 06

    So sad that some things are taken for granted

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  16.   Brad_lee says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 06

    The message itself is obvious but these columns must be written, cos the world is gettin mo and mo twisted every day. Information about these things is needed for people still living in the dark.

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  17.   msjanine says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 06

    Awsome article, awareness is worth alot

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  18.   yoby says:
    Posted: 08 Sep 06

    good article, there are so manny people who don't know yet how things in the real life are....

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  19.   fala says:
    Posted: 08 Sep 06

    Great article and on such an important topic. Thanks for enlightening us.

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  20.   ebonybeautyj says:
    Posted: 07 Sep 06

    This is a must read for us all!

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  21.   Tony says:
    Posted: 07 Sep 06

    Good information; thanks!

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  22.   vanessa says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    its bad since there is so much sexual abuse and I too had a sexual encounter but it was a doctor and you know the movie "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle?" It was something like that. I tell every women to have your boy friend or husband any one to go for dotor visits. I'm in the medical profession and retired but there's always someone out there getting hurt be careful every male or female

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  23.   maria says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    I love what you guys are doing with the site. i am enjoying the free education am getting here. thank you!

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  24.   urmydestiny says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    Such an important article. Talking certainly helps. I want to say well done to those who were able to write about their experiences, because things can only get better from here on.

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  25.   iceburger says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    Great. A must read for all. I think we should all say no to silence. We should speak out.

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  26.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    I have this one lady i cant figure out. she loves me one day, then I dont hear from her. I really dont get it!!

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  27.   misslady1970 says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 06

    This article, brought back memories from my child hood...I had a close family member, who abused us as children,until i read this article, i thought i blocked out, just had it hidden deep down in my soul....It's like "we all hear the crys for help" ,Now what can we do to help this prevent, this from happening to another person?

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  28.   mandie says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 06

    i really liked this article, informative and true.

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  29.   Charmaine says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 06

    This article was deep and informative. Moreover, we all need to be adequately informed so we can be more aware of the signs and symptoms in an effort to lend a helping hand to the victims.

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  30.   rubyrose says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 06

    Any type of abuse no matter at what stage in ones' life it occurs can lead to mistrust. The abuse must be faced and dealt with in order for us as individuals to heal and continue.

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  31.   Mayrie47 says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 06

    In admitting something as tramatizing as this, I hope that the love of my life is out there and understands. A year ago I was diagnosed with BPD, and while undergoing treatment, the question, to why I am the way I am with men and relationships, was answered, during a rain storm. I saw it as if it had happen that very moment. I rush to tell my therapist about it, sadly, she thought I was imagining that. Well, to this day when it rains, really bad, and it rains a lot here, I relive that imagination. So, what I do I tell my self its not real and it didn't happen, but it helps me to understand my mistrust in men. Thanks for the article. Maybe someone will think that its not just my imagination running away.

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  32.   Milk says:
    Posted: 04 Sep 06

    Sexual abuse damages people for the rest of their lives

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  33.   ebonybeautyj says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 06

    This happens more often than we think,we must all be vigilant to protect our children!

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  34.   romeoluvs says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 06

    Amazing article.. will definitely make it read to everybody else.

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  35.   sweetest1 says:
    Posted: 02 Sep 06

    I feel for those victims and I pray that my daughter never has to experience anything like that!!

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  36.   sarah says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 06

    my niece was recently a victim, and having been thru it myself when i was younger i know her pain... thanks for the article.

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  37.   sweetheart says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 06

    Amazing article! Will make my family read.

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  38.   LeDora says:
    Posted: 01 Sep 06

    Thanks for keeping us informed.

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  39.   jimmirix says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 06

    Very sobering. Very informative. This type of artical needs to be featured more.

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  40.   Carla says:
    Posted: 31 Aug 06

    too scary.....its so true...sad but true.......I am forwarding this to alot of my friends...people just dont know!

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  41.   TrueHarmony says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 06

    Wow. This commentary was really something to think about. Sad, but informative. Thanks for this article because a lot more people need to know.

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  42.   marquez097 says:
    Posted: 30 Aug 06

    Many people fail to realize that the way one acts or reacts often is determined by how that person was treated. Insecurities and fears, be it sexual or other kinds, in a relationship are usually caused by some cause other than the partner in the relationship. If there is a true caring relationship...your partner will work through the issues with you and back you up when needed. Not run for the hills.

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  43.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 06

    A good story. I have some friends that need to be forwarded this article.

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  44.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 29 Aug 06

    my cousin was abused and none of us knew untill she was in her final year at school. She had an outburst and as the guardian, i was called. To cut the matter short, i've had series of therapies with her and told her to grow up better than whoever molested her. She's come out of it. Please keep up this articles.

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  45.   Euroecuboy says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 06

    The public needs to be aware of things like this one.

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  46.   misslady1970 says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 06

    Wow, this is a subject very few of us likes to approach.It saddens me to even think about it..All i wanna say is this hits home with a bang....

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  47.   Kandi says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 06

    I love these types of articles..Reading this makes me have have hope.

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  48.   mikey7777 says:
    Posted: 28 Aug 06

    Everyone should read this.....

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  49.   Hazeleyes777 says:
    Posted: 26 Aug 06

    You are absolutely right. It finally hit home with our family. Except our little boys don't like girls because they were abused by men.

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  50.   Cyn says:
    Posted: 26 Aug 06

    This is a very good ideal, it really helps me in some ways. I was once a victim of sexual abuse when I was young but thank God I have been able to pass through that difficulty now. I don't think about it anymore and I dont have any baggage. Thanks for your article, I'm sure it will help alot of poeple on this site.

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