Being: In A Swirl

Surely, there must be some adversity to the story on how Nick and I became an us; some scandalous, fascinating tale of passion. It wasn’t like that though. It’s rather boring and cliche to say the least-we met at a bar in college.

When I introduce people to my husband I wait for this specific response that yields itself almost every time. That look of surprise that tries to hide itself, but can’t seem to go unnoticed. I suppose at some point in my lifetime I missed this ‘memo’ that the melanin in my skin requires me to find a mate who is as enriched with melanin as I am, or more.

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In a society claiming to be plagued by color blindness, we still find ourselves staring at, assuming about, and questioning the legitimacy of interracial relationships. Tell me you have never done it, I’ll wait…

“Is it weird?” I’ve been asked that before. No, it’s not weird. I find that question weird. I’m not in love with a different species, I’m in love with a man who happens to be a different skin color for God’s sake. Ain’t nothing weird about it. Why some people think these relations are ‘weird’ is beyond me, and the fact that some people go as far as to take offense to it is something I will never understand. I call out black men and white women specifically, because those are the primary populations that exude such negativity towards us.

Feel any way you may about my previous sentence; but that’s real. White women (not all) feel bothered at the fact that Nick went ‘the more ghetto route’ when choosing a spouse. Black men (and again, not all) think that I’m a sell out and gave up my badge to being a part of the black community. I’m here to let all know-what we have going is not a personal jab. We didn’t come together to make a bold statement to the world in hopes of receiving praise. Our marriage is not a situation in which we lost all hope and couldn’t find value within our own race. I am not angry at black men, I do not see black men solely in a negative light, I do not consider Nick to be my white knight in shining armor who saved the day. We connected, enjoyed each other’s company, and fell in love. Simple as that.

In the same way, Nick is also not my Eminem or my Justin Timberlake, and I am not his Rihanna or Beyonce. Stemming from history, people have this idea that being a part of an interracial relationship plays into some type of biracial fetish. Like, everything normal is forgotten in the wake of the erotic and our entire relationship is some exotic experience. That is not the case. Don’t play into that hype; however exotic/erotic a relationship may be is based on the individuals of those involved, not their race.

Contrary to popular belief, racial differences are not the cause of underlying issues. Any issue that may arise in our marriage isn’t going to be because of the differences in our skin color. Does that make sense? With all of the race issues going on in our society today, it’s easy for people to think that it’s difficult to be in a well functioning interracial relationship and that’s not the case. As a matter of fact, one of the laudable components about being in such a partnership is that we are able to voice racial differences and share with one another miscellaneous perspectives in certain situations. Providing each other with opposing views also gives us the advantage of being more racially aware. Being deeply interconnected with a member of a different race allows us a clear perspective of both sides, quite literally walking in their shoes. Not to mention, interracial relations are our future as our country becomes more and more integrated, one day a racially “pure” relationship will cease to exist.

The stares, stereotypes, and issues we face as an interracial couple are not parallel to that of those before us who fought for their rights to be together. A special shout out to the late Richard and Mildred Loving, who’s dedication and love for each other took on the nation.

Circa: 1967, ABC News

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