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10 Things to Consider Before Snooping on an Ex Lover

Posted by Ando, 11 Oct

People usually get tempted to search, reach out and reconnect with old flames in the hopes of getting a second chance at love. And who doesn't want second chances?

Well, before you decide to snoop and reach out to your ex lover, there are some things you need to consider. Here are some advantages and disadvantages of embarking on this venture.

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1. The urge to know what your ex is up to is natural.

Wanting to know what the ex is up to doesn’t make you a crazy stalker. Its only natural to want to know if he is doing better than you are or if the current partner is better than you. Good thing is: once you are over the ex, this urge subsides.

2.Examine your motives for cyber stalking your ex.

There is the natural curiosity when searching for the ex on social media. However if your motives behind it is because you are frustrated, bored or lonely, then it can be tricky. Basically, this means you are not ready to do so, much as it may seem justified.

If you are in a current relationship that isn’t as great as your old flame, then you are better off ironing things up in your current relationship. Fantasizing about your ex and comparing notes might jeopardize your current one. A common occurrence is people hooking up with their exes after online searches which may lead to infidelity. In most cases, this doesn’t end well.

3. This may be your second chance at love.

People have been known to rekindle past love even after decades of a break-up. When the timing is right, you may just get that second chance at love. If both of you are open to trying out again, then reaching out can just be the best thing you do.

Some people reconnect with their exes, work on their past mistakes leading to lasting relationships. Remember, the timing has to be right. If there is a possibility to reconnect again, then by all means reach out.

4. No matter your current relationship status, think first.

The thing with searching an old flames names is, it may go either way. If you are single and you feel you can work on your past mistakes, then there is nothing wrong with reaching out. But one thing you need to know is: it’s all gamble.

Much as searching for an ex may bring some exciting memories back, make sure you see through who this person has really become. He or she may not be as their old selves. They may have changed for the better or for the worst.

5. This might present a chance to make amends.

Sometimes, reaching out may be a form of getting absolution. If you are truly sorry for past mistakes, then reach out. And social media presents the opportunity to apologize if you and your ex are estranged. It's never too late to set things straight.

6. Things might not work out.

Sometimes, the past just needs to be left in the past. There was a reason why it didn’t work initially. So you need to look at things realistically. Hanging on to old flames can prevent us from moving on with our lives.

When we see our exes on social media, our memories of them tend to be selective. Most of us only remember the rosy parts of the relationship. The urge to reconnect could only be driven by nostalgia.

Try and reexamine what really made you break up in the first place and be true to yourself. Much as you might want to go back and do it differently, you may just realize you don’t want him after all.

7. Sexual attraction doesn’t necessarily mean love.

After searching for the ex and finding that they have grown to be very sexy, the mind might trick you into thinking that the sexual attraction is love. The allure of the ex can make you jeopardize a current relationship which could be going great.

The heart throbbing physical reactions and sexual desire can be mistaken for love, especially if you were head over heels in love with your ex. So try not to confuse the two and see your ex for whom they have really become.

8. You might find yourself in an emotional affair.

It is very easy to reconnect with an old flame and form a bond even before sex is on the table. This is because of the two of you going down memory lane and talking about the great times.

This re-connection is sparked by the fact that the two of you had a romantic relationship. You find yourself sending flirtatious messages back and forth which may spark an emotional, romantic attachment. If you are currently involved with someone else, this is not a road you want to go down.

9. Photos of happy ex can be haunting.

Sometimes seeing an ex doing better than you expected can lead to jealousy and the ‘what would have been’ questions. It may also bring back hurt that you had put in the past. If you find your self going back to compare yourself to your ex and his current girlfriend, walk away.

If you pursue it, this may lead to unhealthy cyber behavior. No matter how great he or she looks (even if they are rubbing it in your face) resist the urge to make angry comments. Just ignore and move on.

10. You might end up with another broken heart.

Cyber stalking may lead to more distress over the break up. It may elicit feelings that may take longer to heal especially if your ex has moved on and you haven't. This might make you relive the breakup once again, hence making it even harder for you to move on.

If you are still not over your ex, then this is not the best time to go snooping on your ex. Stay away from their social media pages. Cut them off completely. Unfriend them and allow yourself to grieve and heal. Getting over them will be faster this way.